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Boundaries on Instagram etc for 13 year old?

(2 Posts)
ninja Thu 19-May-16 13:14:19

My relatively (so I thought) 13 year old has been on Instagram a couple of years.

At first she was always quite proud that she kept it pretty private, didn't let anyone follow her who she didn't know etc. In fact she got a bit bored of it and didn't use it for ages.

I've recently found that she's started another account on there which is linked to fangirl stuff. She posts about Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Supernatural etc! However, ... she follows and is followed by a LOT of people that she doesn't know. I looked through last night and it all seems pretty harmless. I also found out a couple of more worrying things

1) she's given her phone number to some people she doesn't know and has spoken to them (about fangirl stuff). I've told her that she must not do this and if people try to contact her she should speak to me or her Dad.

2) She's offered to edit people's fan-fiction - so they've sent her files via e-mail. I've only just found this so haven't spoken to her about it yet. I will need to talk to her about computer viruses as well as the obvious don't give details to strangers

3) She's got involved as an admin on a small Instagram LGBT site and has posted a relatively personal video on youtube which is linked to there. It doesn't give her full name, where she lives, but does publish her Instagram name. I was alerted to this by the parents of a friend who she sent the link to.

I found this last night and I haven't spoken to her yet. I've e-mailed her Dad as I would hope we could have a joint approach on this (although by past attempts to talk about matters of welfare I'm not hopeful).

I also wonder at 13 what is the norm? I've seen a lot written about younger children but it seems to accept that teenagers will chat to strangers online.

I also want to be careful for a couple of reasons. Firstly she was a really unhappy girl at primary, not helped by the separation of me and her Dad but also friendships etc. She's a lot more settled at secondary but her behaviour can be quite difficult.

Secondly, her Dad favours her massively over her sister and indulges her. He keeps telling her that she can go to live with just him when she's 14 (it's 50/50 contact at the moment) - I've found out the full extent of this from his ex. I'm the one who checks that homework is done, doctors stuff, tries to instil healthy eating habits (she's overweight), insists that I know the password to her phone ... If I come down on her like a ton of bricks I risk losing her and then she'll have no-one checking these things.

Sorry it's so long and any advice welcome! If I don't get much traffic here I might post again in chat or relationships

AnstasiaBartAraminta Mon 30-May-16 16:46:14

I would ask her whether she could maybe set up a 'business' email for fan fiction emails and if it's financially possible buy her an older phone or find an old phone in the house and ask her to use that for 'business' stuff and with regards to following unknown people I wouldn't worry as as long as she doesn't go to meet them or chat for too long and it's just innocent I would leave it as she's 13 years old she doesn't need her mom telling her what she can and can't do and that will drive her further away from you. If you tell her she can't do something, it will just make her want to do it even more

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