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Didn't realise age limits for Whatsapp and Instagram and 11 yo DD hooked

(12 Posts)
zone6mum Sun 21-Jun-15 09:07:24

I feel like such an idiot. DD (11) has Instagram and Whatsapp. I was looking through them on her phone and whilst it's mostly innocent pictures of cupcakes and Dutch plaits, there is some inappropriate stuff in there too. A boy in her close posted a photo of himself in the bath for instance and there's quite a lot of bitchy remarks. I hadn't realised the age limits for both. How do I claw back some control? We're in full-on pre-teen mood swings and the whole emotional roller coaster of end of year 6. I feel like I'm walking a tight rope with her. Please help.

MrsEvadneCake Sun 21-Jun-15 09:12:41

Personally I would delete them and weather the tantrums. But...

Talk to her about the fact a picture can cause problems, use the NSPCC campaign clip

This site has it and some excellent advice. Make her aware you'll be checking her device until she's demonstrating to you that nothing mean or inappropriate is happening and then randomly after that. I don't let devices into bedrooms so am aware of how much it's used. (DS is 11)

Georgethesecond Sun 21-Jun-15 09:13:57

I would delete them too. She'll get over it.

wishingchair Sun 21-Jun-15 09:14:48

My DD is in yr 7 but got instagram in yr6 - whatsapp not a thing with her friends. My rules - privacy settings are on so she has to approve who follows her. She has to know who her followers are - this is often v tenuous - friends of friends etc. No nasty bitchy stuff. Block anyone you don't like the sound of- she does this anyway but I sometimes look through and unfollow some of the stuff she's following if I don't think it's appropriate. Lastly she's logged in on my phone so she knows i can and do look at her feed and messages.

ditavonteesed Sun 21-Jun-15 09:17:31

I had a similar problem woth dd also 11 a few weeks ago, it wasnt those apps as they are banned it was one that seemed to be aimed at kids and had bypassed my radar as it looked like a game. was all photos and sharing and liking and she had loads of followers who she didn't know.
I told her the reasons she wasn't allowed it in great detail, discussed the fact that while I want to be her friend and her to be happy my primary role as her mother is to keep her safe, we watched tthe nspcc adverts, then I deleted them she kicked off for about an hour and then was ok (and this is a kid who can tantrum all day). I think if you give them the grown up reasons they have more emotional intelligence than we give them credit for.
Good luck

Penfold007 Sun 21-Jun-15 09:22:02

You need to be the parent here and dealt both sites from the phone and start using the parental controls along with frequent monitoring. She is too young to fully understand the implications of having inappropriate pictures or coping with notching on her phone.

zone6mum Sun 21-Jun-15 09:27:18

Thank you all so much. I think deleting weathering tantrums at home is the best course of action. Like you say, she'll get over it and may even be grateful for the excuse not to participate in the inane bantering (bitching) sessions. It's scary how quickly she's let it become a habit and how I've take my eye off the ball. I'll check out the NSPCC website with her.

Theas18 Sun 21-Jun-15 09:30:19

Sorry agree with the tough love.

Delete from phone. Turn off 3G on phone via parental controls or even get her a none Internet " dumb phone". I have really heard not good reason why a pre teen needs a smart phone or mobile internet apart from " fitting in " which to me isn't a readon to do something unsafe ( if they jumped off a fluff would you want to as well ? As my mum said).

Shes straying into really dangerous ground with inappropriate photos - that's near " possession of inappropriate images " which is crime even if you Re both under age.

She'll still have Internet access via home wifi, which I hope you have parental control and monitor but she really doesn't need mobile net.

She's too young to get the full ramifications of this but I bet eyes bright enought to find apps that you don't know, or find out how to hide her activi ty...

wishingchair Sun 21-Jun-15 10:46:32

Horses for courses - personally I've found that working through it all at an age when she's willing to listen to me has been invaluable. This way it's all open and transparent and we talk about what's appropriate and what isn't. If all her friends are on it she may feel so left out there's every chance she'll still find a way to go on Instagram but will do it behind your back. Believe me, once she goes into yr7 she'll have every opportunity to just log in via a friend's phone but you won't have a clue. I know which option is prefer.

YesThisIsMe Sun 21-Jun-15 10:56:14

I'm not sure what the problem is with whatsapp though. It's basically just a free text messaging system and as long as you use it purely to communicate with your RL friends it's no more problematic than texting (ie not risk free but the problem is the content not the medium). If her text budget starved mates are using it to communicate then it might result in her being genuinely left out. Instagram OTOH is risky.

PerspicaciaTick Sun 21-Jun-15 11:03:06

My 11yo DD has Instagram. We have a "shared" account and access is set up on my tablet and her phone. She agreed that I could delete and block anything/one I didn't like the look of. She has to ask permission before following anyone or accepting anyone's follow request. Pictures can only be posted with my permission. So far she has obeyed 100%. If she proves herself trustworthy then she will be allowed more control when she turns 13.
It does mean I have to look at a lot of BFF cupcake pictures...but that's the price I have to pay smile

wishingchair Sun 21-Jun-15 16:31:10

That was the case with my DD. Her friends were all using instagram message to chat and arrange meeting up. She was genuinely left out so we agreed to trial it subject to privacy, access and rules and not had any problems. She turns 13 soon and having had this more protected experience with it, I do feel like she is pretty responsible. Would much prefer this than prohibit access completely then full access at 13. That said, every child is different and you all know your own child 's maturity level.

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