Another suicide attempt

[Noregrets78]

Not sure what to say really. I'm so tired of it and I have no idea how to help any more. Didn't spot she was going down hill again.

Edited by MNHQ to remove suicide and self harm method

[Krook]

I understand. Offering a hand to hold. Presume this is your DD, how old is she?

[june2007]

Is she recieving help from Cahms. (are we reffering to a child?)

[Noregrets78]

Sorry such limited details! Yes DD, age 16. She's been under CAMHS for ages, does get some amount of help. It's not the first time she's tried, when she decides to do it of course she works hard at covering it up, I feel so bad that I hadn't realised how far she's gone downhill. Always feels like chance that I twig what's happening. I wish she could see how beautiful the future might be

[MumentoMori]

I’m so sorry - it is such a terrible place to be - I have been there also, several times and I feel for you right now. You are there, you are with her and she didn’t let you see the other signs that led her to tonight’s events so try not to feel responsible. Things can get better - she is ultimately responsible for her own recovery but you will be there to support her. Please try to remember that things can get better and push hard with CAMHS to get any/more support.

[Krook]

It's sometimes impossible to spot the signs, even when you think you know them inside out.
Does your DD usually take medication?

[TragedyHands]

Please don't blame yourself, my love.
It is so common for this self destruction, in one way or another.
The support for parents of 16+ is scarce.

[TheMotherShipAhoy]

Thinking of you both.

[Noregrets78]

Hi - yes she's usually on fluoxetine. Need to stay in hospital until morning for CAMHS and more X-rays, but she's trying to self discharge. Looks like a section is on the cards - does anyone have experience? Trying to urgently google but I don't even know which types apply to children...

[berrygirlie]

Not much to say, but I wanted to let you know I was like that when I was her age and younger (I'm not much older than her by any means) and now I'm doing really well and I'm no risk to myself anymore. Just wanted to offer up some experience and let you know that for both of you it can get better. I hope it's not always like this.

Condolences and best of luck

[Noregrets78]

Thank you so much. CAMHS just says they're running out of options, and it adds to her hopeless feelings. It's so good to hear from someone out the other side. Can you pin anything which really made a difference for you?

[BullshitVivienne]

Same sections apply for children and adults. Children's inpatient units can be very unsafe places though, so they may try their best to avoid that or keep it short term.

I hope she's ok. I hope you get support too.

[berrygirlie]

(Sorry this is so long in advance, had a lot to put out there!}

Of course, anything to help. I can pin down a few things that helped (many may not relate to your and your daughter's situation but I hope some give you an interlinking idea or hope).

1. Leaving school. This was the biggest one, I really and truly hated the regimented schooling system and it majorly worsened my feelings of being out of control. I can only liken it to a prison in that I felt like I couldn't escape it and I was treated like an inmate by teachers / not supported in leaving by family. Very dramatic in retrospect, but truly school for me worsened my already-bad feelings of being trapped and everything being completely pointless.

1. Finding more people who loved me and wanted the best for me. So for me this was finding a partner who truly and deeply cared, and everytime I wanted to hurt myself or die I thought about him and the ways it would affect him if I did. This didn't stop my desires for self harm or suicide, but it managed to break what had become a habit of and I realised I could push through the negative emotions without hurting myself.

1. Getting on Sertraline and getting off my birth control. I didn't realise quite how drastically my mood was affected by being on birth control and not being on the right medication. I'm not on Sertraline anymore - I only took it for maybe 6 months or so, but I remember consciously thinking; "If this is how other people feel all the time, they've got nothing to complain about" . It's not a miracle cure by any means but even having the placebo effect of a pill to make you happy can make you happier.

1. Getting diagnosed! I've got autism, anxiety and depression and before I had a doctor predict that I did actually have something wrong with me I felt like I was mad in a way that no one else was (which of course only worsens your feelings of isolation). The knowledge that none of my mental health issues were actually my fault and were a product of trauma and biological factors brought me out of my self hate spiral a little bit.

1. Giving up on CAMHS completely and instead getting private therapy. I know it's not an option for many, but I mean it when I say that CAMHS itself is overworked and underfunded and makes you feel more alone. If you have any capacity to go private in any way, I truly believe it will be more effective - higher cost financially, but without the cost of your daughter's mental health.

1. Figuring out the root of the issue. For me, it was emotional trauma from my childhood and family issues (which worsened my feelings of isolation and never being understood) which I managed to resolve by cutting contact with my family. This is obviously a drastic option, and I'm by no means recommending your daughter does this, but drastic options can be the kickstarter for change. Is there anything in particular that makes your daughter feel bad / things that worsen her mental health condition(s)?

People often hold onto this idea of "don't run away from your problems", which under usual circumstances I agree with, but suicide is not a usual circumstance.

1. Developing coping mechanisms. So for me, this was not accepting putting myself into situations of high anxiety or doing things to "strengthen myself" that were actually very damaging. I give myself full capacity to leave situations if I need to, and I only hang around with people who will respect this.

Additionally, finding distractions from self harm - for me that's pencil drawings (a hobby I thought I would always be terrible at, but I really enjoy and I'm actually quite good) which is the first thing to do when I feel like self harm. For me personally, I have a checklist when I want to hurt myself; it usually goes (in this order)

1. make something creative
2. have a bath or practise some easy and ritualistic self care
3. go out for a walk or out to do an activity
4. do anything I can to prevent myself from self harming, even if it involves spending some money or eating unhealthy food
5. call the Samaritans or NHS mental health if things get this bad and I can't stop myself

These are the things I did to get better. However I want to put out there that recovery is NOT immediately getting better. I still have a suicidal instinct and a drive to hurt myself sometimes, but the ratio of these days to "normal days" is much lower (and I've developed skills to protect myself when it gets bad). Now, on the whole I'm a happy person, I feel joy in my life and I don't actually want to die even on my worst days where I feel tempted to commit suicide. I never thought I would get to this place ever - I never even thought I'd make it past maybe 13 given how early my issues started. I'm truly even surprised with how OK I feel now that I managed to survive all of that stuff.

If you'd like to PM, I'm more than happy to talk about my experiences or offer other stuff I did to get myself out of the mental illness spiral - I know how hard this is for you and I know how hard this is for your daugher. The best thing you can do is try and get some support for yourself, and keep listening to your daughter about what she needs and supporting her. Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry you're experiencing this

[berrygirlie]

(Oh, also as another small thing I kept a journal for a long time! It helped me feel like something was actually happening in my life and stopped the Groundhog Day effect of depression that I was experiencing. It's a really gruelling thing to look back on, but it was cathartic at the time and it held me accountable for my actions without judgement. Also made me feel a bit like a character / someone with an important story to tell, which I think boosted my self worth and made me feel like there was a point to my suffering. I have quite a few small and more practical examples like this, if that helps at all!)

[rockinaftermidnite]

@berrygirlie Thank you! My teen DS is suffering from depression and this gives me lots of insight.

[berrygirlie]

Absolutely no problem at all, @rockinaftermidnite. Seriously, any questions or experiences you want to share I'm here for - I'm keen to help anyone out who was in a similar place to where I was (or supporting someone in that place).

[Noregrets78]

@berrygirlie don't apologise for it being long. You have an audience of frankly desperate parents trying all options! Your thoughts are really useful. I do wonder if we need to do something more radical than school... she's just started A-levels but I'm thinking an apprenticeship or something might be more suited.

[Noregrets78]

They put a section 5(2) in place, although never had to enforce it as nurses managed to talk her into staying. Fingers crossed for a decent assessment from CAMHS this morning, I really don't want to hear that they're out of options.

[berrygirlie]

Apprenticeship or college seem like a good plan (for me college is a lot more freedom than school, with both the timetable and personal identity). Alternatively for a potentially more radical route, there's homeschooling or self-learning which might be good if she's got self determination when it comes to her education.

I also found a gap year REALLY helped my mental health. Any break from all of the pressure I think does some favours. Does she struggle with school?

Good luck with the CAMHS assessment, hope they pull through!

[Krook]

How are things this afternoon @Noregrets78 ?

[Toddlerteaplease]

It might be worth swapping drugs. Fluoxetine is known for an increase in suicidal ideation in some people. It certainly did in me. And I was never suicidal before taking it. I swapped to Escitalpram and then set tramline and got on much better with them.

[Noregrets78]

@berrygirlie she does struggle at school - she's dead bright but unable to motivate herself to do any homework or independent learning. But it is also one of the few things she at least looks forward to as she sees her friends.
She's doing a lot better, although we're still waiting for the mental health act assessment which will decide what happens next.
@Toddlerteaplease you're not the first to suggest swapping off fluoxetine. So hard to know what's causing it, and she has had bits of positivity in between. I'll raise it with her team, thank you

[namechange19790]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, sending love to you xxx

[Noregrets78]

She's being admitted as an inpatient, sectioned for up to 28 days. She's so scared, and so am I. But I can't keep her safe at home so it's the right choice. I hope it's a good place, that they treat her right, that she doesn't go more downhill.

[Krook]

That is scary but at least you know for a while she is physically safe from harm. Will you be able to be in contact with her?

[WhatsTheTea]

Oh @Noregrets78 - I've just seen this. I'm so sorry. How are you and how is she?

Have you been able to visit her?