13yrd old son just found out self harmed

[Stace82]

So this week I got the phone call from hell from another parent telling me my sons friends had been keep secret that my son had slit his wrists.

Me and his dad, separated in last nearly 2 years, went to the school, who were amazing! We both expected this to be just Chinese whispers sort of thing.

E came into the room and confirmed he had self harmed, small cat scratches on his wrist, which he had previously told me were from the puppy. She asked him if there were anymore and he rolled his sleeve to show the typical self harm marks on his forearm.

He was devastated to see us so upset, it was like my world crumbled in that one moment. He said he's not doing it again, as I would expect.

Me and his dad have been actively talking to him about it and he has been quite forthcoming which is positive. He has all sorts scheduled through the school to help him, someone to speak to etc.

I found on his phone that a reasonably new friend has done the same, he said she has track record of it.

Could it be he just tried it?

I feel lost, don't know what to do with myself, like I have failed beyond belief. Everything has been positive and I really do try and find myself trying to explain it away outwardly her inwardly I fear the worst.

Is it possible this could be the end of it now that it's out in the open?

I know there are no definitive answers, I wish there were!

Have taken all advice, told him to come to us if it happens again, no judgement just need to ensure he doesn't end up with infection etc.

Any words would really help,

[chickenfeathers]

I really feel for you OP.

I felt a complete failure too when I found my DD had done this too. It feels like your whole world has been blown to smithereens.

From what you have said, you have done all the right things. I found school extremely supportive, and they put support mechanisms in place for DD. I really do think that the reality of it being out in the open was enough to stop my DD from self harming again. I removed anything that could potentially be used to self harm too.

Keep talking and reassuring your DS - you sound like an incredibly loving and supportive mum, and I am sure you will get through this.

[BloomsButtons]

Hi Stace. I'm in a very similar boat and it's horrendous.

Thursday afternoon at work one of the cleaners came to tell me the Police wanted to see me. Turned out they had my DS who is 14 in their van. He'd contacted a teen help website and told them he was self harming and had suicidal thoughts. I have to say the Police were fantastic!

DS has been being bullied at school and couldn't see an end to it, he felt alone and helpless. Both forearms are covered in scratches which he'd made with the Balfe out of a pencil sharpener. He told us he'd decided if he were to end his life he'd use a knife or 'ordinary hanging'.

On Friday we took him to the GP and met with his head of house and guidance teacher. Lots of support and plans to support him have been put in place and DS wants to go back to school on Monday. He says he feels much better now that we know and loves that he has so much love and support around him. He thought if he died no one would care .

Like you my world has been pretty shattered by his revelations but I'm having to keep up acting normal so he doesn't see how his revelations have affected me. I'm terrified he leaves the house one day and doesn't come back. I'm terrified he'll continue to self harm.

He's spending much more time with us and out of his room now which is lovely and he looks so much happier but I live in fear.

If I ever see the boy who has been tormenting DS I won't be responsible for my actions. I know his parents! They will be called into school on Monday and there's an excellent chance he will be excluded as this is not a 'first offence'.

It's utterly shit for us as parents isn't it? I feel like such a crap parent, my own son thought no one would care if he wasn't here. My heart feels broken.

[Stace82]

Thanks both for your words, it helps to hear from other parents!

The web has so many sites for this but i thinking hearing other parents personal experiences and feelings with this helps me far more.

Bloomsbuttons I really feel for you, I really hope things continue to improve, is crazy as a parent to understand how our children could think they are not loved when they are our entire world!

Chickenfeathers, thanks to you too, pleased your DD has stopped and is on the road to recovery!

I know it will be ok and will get better, just all the things I put down to being a teenager, the mood, shutting himself away in his room with netflix or PS4 I now look at in a different light!

I guess we just all have to take each day as it comes and be there and protect them as much as we can x

[Keri1704]

You poor thing how awful for you. The thing with self harm is that it is a way of managing pain, it provides them with some relief at the time I used to see it a lot at work. Now the lines of communication are open perhaps your young man will confide in you. Make sure you have a safety plan in place and numbers he can contact if he feels he can't talk. Make sure he knows how to keep the wounds clean and just try to get him talking. There are a lot of strategies which can be used but probably the most powerful protectors are you and his dad.