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Older teen disclosed abuse

(7 Posts)
ginorwine Thu 07-Dec-17 23:07:21

My close friends Dh and herself have divorced ,and after this the older teen has said that her father sexually abused her .

The sibling has been interviewed - they are younger and were unable to substantiate witnessing anything .

The young woman in question says that she recalled the abuse suddenly .

Following interview the father says it did not happen and now the police will not be able to prosecute due to lack of evidence .

Our families are friends of many years .

I don't know how to support if I get called upon to , and I will see the dh accused of this also as we live nearby .

. It s innocent until proven guilty - but I must admit I'm unsure about the managing of this natural view would be to always believe the child / young person .

The suggestion it seems from family members is that it may possibly be false memory . She has a history of depression and some anxiety in her disposition .

I am concerned about the persons feelings - that what she believes to be true has not been addressed due to lack of evidence and how this may impact on her - not feeling that she is validated , her experience not proved etc, no conviction etc .

. On one hand there is a distressed young person who fully thinks this happened . On the other a father that says it did not . The dm feels she has no signs that it was happening and indeed some of the examples re time and place do not fit at all - there were no signs of anxiety or distress in her younger or recent years are her thoughts ..... she is not a person who would not face something like this she would certainly put her child first .

I really want to support the situation if I can in any way if I can but feel very unsure of what I could possibly do other than listen . I'm not central to the situation but visit the household often and really care about the family .

Given the the situation I'm unsure what I can do as I do feel out of my depth but feel desperate to help or give comfort if I can .

Im concerned for eg if we talk to the dh the young person will then feel we are condoning a behevoir she believes has happened and I don't want to cause her any further distress for example in any way .
If she does ever speak to me about it I will have to say that I believe her experience .
The young person will be offered counselling via a survivors .
I've never come across a situation like this before and I would appreciate any advice or guidance .
I guess the support she will receive will be really important but I want to be sensitive and supportive if I'm needed in any way .

ginorwine Thu 07-Dec-17 23:28:29

Have just found nspcc guidance re historical abuse - it's a good source .

ginorwine Fri 08-Dec-17 09:39:17


ragged Fri 08-Dec-17 09:45:31

You can't ever know the truth on that info.

ginorwine Fri 08-Dec-17 09:53:57

It's not so much the truth
It's how I can support her with her feelings that it's not gone anywhere etc but yes that's true .

ragged Fri 08-Dec-17 10:51:52

I wonder if that "I support your feelings" approach will satisfy anyone. If you didn't explicitly say you believed me I'd resent you (whether I was him or her).

Most people would withdraw from the whole family b/c it's Lose-Lose.

ginorwine Fri 08-Dec-17 16:04:47

I totally get what you are saying
But I really care for them all having known them 20 years it wd feel bad to withdraw . Thanks for response - little place to discuss in rl

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