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Seven year old anxiety not wanting to go to school

(11 Posts)
Cawthmar Wed 08-Nov-17 09:45:50

Please can anyone give me some advice, support or reassurance that im not the only one going through this. My 7 yr old daughter struggles with separation anxiety to the point where we have had major problems getting her to school. She feels she's getting bullied if someone so much as looks at her the wrong way and she's terrified of getting told off. Its getting so bad that im struggling with my mental health and so is my husband. The background plays a massive factor im sure. 12 mths ago we should have moved into our new house however we are still not in due to incompetent builders!! January is the date now. We rented for six months and then were put on several weeks standby so could never rent anywhere long term and have been living with my parents. Unfortunately due to the size of the house abd bed, D has to share with me and my husband on a mattress on the floor. Its not ideal at all. D has always been a very clingy kid and im I know we've probably been too soft cos she is so strong willed and is like a dog with a bone. I'm looking at the solihull parenting course but its so hard at the moment to discipline cos parents get involved. Please don't judge or annihilate me cos I need support and,reassurance really and wanted to know if anyone has had similar issues and how they've dealt with it an whether it gets easier once stability and own room is restored. All her toys from the old house are in storage too and we cant get to them at all😞 I feel a little lost at the moment and feel that I'm getting the parenting thing wrong!

ChocolatePHD Wed 08-Nov-17 09:57:36

It sounds as if she might be a sensitive girl- I have a sensitive boy and he is super clingy too. And is also 7. I am reading a book called the Highly Sensitive Child which is very useful. And also I explained to him that just as daddy would rather not go to work, he had Togo to school, it's just one of those things. He is still the last one in every day from wanting a million hugs goodbye though.

CloudPerson Wed 08-Nov-17 10:08:19

You're definitely not the only one, and you're not getting parenting wrong, you are trying your best to parent the child you have.
I am currently home educating two boys due to anxiety and school refusal, explanations about it being non negotiable didn't work, they were far too anxious and school was the reason (both are autistic).
If you're on FB there's a very good group that helps you to deal with it, and gives tips how to talk to the school. It's not an obvious group name but I'll try to find it and let you know.
If a child has school phobia it's very common for others who haven't experienced it to believe that you're being soft or allowing the child to get away with it.
I am in several FB groups for ASD and SN, this is very common, and can be difficult to deal with.
Would HE be an option?
Will she talk about why she's feeling like this?
Sometimes children aren't a good fit in a particular school and a school change can help.
Sorry you're going through this.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Wed 08-Nov-17 10:14:37

Have a hug OP, you sound stressed out. This time will eventually pass.
January isn't that far away, then you can all nest again.
Keep jollying your DD along, talk about Christmas, your new home, her room etc..
There's nothing worse than our children hurting, but she'll be okay, just keep on keeping on. Have you considered home schooling her ?

Cawthmar Wed 08-Nov-17 11:08:44

Thanks I'll have a look at that book. Ive also got one for her to work on called "what to do when you worry too much"

Cawthmar Wed 08-Nov-17 11:31:26

Hi thanks for your advice. Any FB groups would be welcome. The school are helping but I had to pursue. School nurse is useless and can't be bothered to contact me. We're trying to sort a buddy out to help meet at school but they've yet to sort that out!!! Its a nightmare getting through the door on a morning. I don't think home schooling would be an option at the moment as I wouldn't be able to commit and she will do anything to get out of work😀 thk u

Cawthmar Wed 08-Nov-17 11:32:06

Thk u. Im hoping everything will settle

shhhfastasleep Wed 08-Nov-17 11:33:37

I had this in Nursery, Reception and Yr1. I sewed little buttons on the inside of her skirt so she could fiddle with them if she felt anxious. Worked a bit but not much.
We made a little teddy bear together out of an old Tshirt and some buttons (getting a theme as to my limits?). Her Yr 1 teacher let her bring it and she kept it in her bag. This sort of helped.
She then had a teacher she loved in Yr 2 and has flown by comparison since then - now in Yr6.
She had a bit of a wobble last year when a previously good friend just blanked her . We got a thing called a Worry Monster off Amazon. She writes her worries down , posts the note into his zip up mouth and he eats them up over night so she can leave them with him. When she’s asleep, I go in and extract the note so it looks like he has eaten them up overnight. Obviously I can read the notes when I fish them out and decide if I want to talk to her about what she’s written without letting on that I have seen the notes.
These days he just sits in her bed unused but just in case. I check his zipped mouth pocket every now and then.
She’s still a bit anxious and clingy and may always have that but I do what I can to do confidence building physical activity and, most importantly, to support her social life. She’s so much better at it these days.
Y7 next year will bring new challenges and we will face them as they come.

Cawthmar Wed 08-Nov-17 11:59:39

Thk u I think I'll have a look at the worry monster. She's a very active kid and loves playing with her friends. Tbh once she's actually in school she is fine its the fuss and stress prior

CloudPerson Wed 08-Nov-17 12:24:24

School refusal support services for phobia, refusal and separation anxiety - this is the FB group, it really is excellent.

Cawthmar Wed 08-Nov-17 13:06:29

Thk u so much. I'll have a look now

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