9 year old, huge outbursts and violent

[essieestherson]

I am extremely worried about my 9 year old ds.

He has been quite highly strung from about the age of 3, if he got hurt or witnessed someone getting hurt he became hysterical, was always very hyper and required a lot of attention.

This is still the case although he seems to have calmed down a bit.

He gets in trouble often at home for winding up his brother and answering back etc and he is prone to nasty tantrums when he is told off. Trashing his room, shouting etc.

In the last few months though this seems to have gotten out of control, he has really horrible tantrums the second anyone says anything he doesn't like or if someone has a harsh tone when they talk to him.

Yesterday he completely lost it when his dad said he couldn't play with a toy axe in the garden and he ran away, I spent 45 minutes looking for him and found him hiding in a bush about 5 minutes from the house. It took my husband about 15 minutes to get him out and when we finally got him home he became very violent, hitting and kicking me and my husband, throwing heavy objects at us etc.

Eventually he calmed down and was punished, sent to bed, told he is no longer allowed treats, has to go to bed early, no tv or computers etc until he behaves.

Today I'm at home alone with ds and his 2 younger siblings. He was winding up his younger brother so I ask him to calm down a bit and he started to get very angry. I then tell him off and take away some pens he was using as punishment and again he completely loses it. Hits and kicks me, pulls my hair, throwing things at me etc. Then he ran out the front door, I couldn't chase him down the road with his younger siblings. He came back after 10 minutes and I tried to talk to him calmly and he starting getting violent towards me again.

I am at my wits end. He has completely calmed down now and is acting like nothing has happened. His punishment still stands but I really don't know what to do.

I am worried maybe he has some kind of sn but at school or around others he has no behavioural problems. He is so calm and polite and he is very intelligent.

I worry as he seems to have 2 different personalities, if he is given something or told he is going somewhere he is the most enthusiastic, grateful, over the top, happy child you'd ever see but the second something happens he doesn't like he completely changes.

Any advice is welcome!

[Hawkmoth]

I'm starting to use this on my 11yo who has become violent. But I would also suggest you contact GP and/or school nurse service as there may be either an underlying issue or providers of behaviour courses that you could access.

[essieestherson]

Thank you. That's great, will read through that when I get a moment! I am wanting to make a gp appointment, although my husband seems reluctant to do this as he thinks it's just him being spoilt...

[Hawkmoth]

It would be just as useful to know that he was 'spoilt' surely? Then you could apply discipline as per normal behavioural strategies. Either way, the GP will help you access services and advice before it escalates further.

[Ttbb]

You should take him for psychiatric evaluation. While I have known a lot of children who have had similar behavioural problems and have grown out of it (to an extent) it is most definitely not normal behaviour for a child his age. Getting professional help will enable you to work through whatever the problem is quicker and to prevent the issues becoming a life long problem.

[essieestherson]

Thanks for your replies. Yes I will definitely book in with the gp to get the situation assessed. I think it may partly be due to him being entitled and slightly spoilt but the behaviour definitely is not normal and I feel like I really need to get it sorted asap. I would hate for him to grow up and still be having violent outbursts and anger issues. Also I worry for my younger children who have witnessed some of this!

[lb111]

My boys have high pyrrole. One of the symptoms is an inability to take criticism which sounds like what you have going on. It is also related to tantrums, violence, malicious behaviour (oppositional defiance disorder) and others. Yes these behaviours are 'normal' in children but that doesn't make it OK!!and in my case and yours these behaviours are more severe than 'normal' i would say. Also my children often behave differently in different settings so getting support can be hard as people look at your child and say how delightful they are! This is common ODD. Google 'pyrrole disorder' or 'pyroluria' and see if it resonates. Let me know if you want more info. Sending you best wishes and good luck