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Child mental health

ASD or Trauma? Someone help me? Long

4 replies

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 13/07/2017 21:27

In brief - DS is now 4. I left his father when I was pregnant with DS, my ex then stalked me continuously for over a year until I fled the area completely.
I have complex-ptsd from the ongoing trauma.

DS is being assessed for ASD/ADHD. He loves his routine, has no sense of danger, takes stupid risks, he hates being told no, he's incredibly violent. He's a runner/bolter. He will talk to (and go off with) absolutely anyone. He gets very fixated and will not be swayed from whatever fixation. He appears to have sensory issues (loving and finding lights soothing, but covering his ears at noise and normal everyday noises like lorries and motorbikes). He chews things and eats non-food items.

Bedtime is a massive battle most nights. He just doesn't want to go to bed and that's usually when he is his most violent.
He's only four, but he's a big four and the level of violence he uses is terrifying. He snapped my nail, bites me leaving bruises, he hits me with objects and throws things at me. I have a video on my phone of him repeatedly kicking me in the stomach after he got me on the floor. He was saying he wanted to hurt me, he wanted me to cry, and he wanted to kill me.

It's been suggested by our family support worker that he could be experiencing some form of unresolved trauma himself.

I thought I'd protected DS from most of what went on. I left when I was pregnant, I tried to always wait for him to be asleep before uniformed officers attended. Something happened and I fled the area initially for a few weeks to allow my ex time to cool off. It was then pointed out to me the full extent of the abuse and what level of danger we were in. So we remained in refuge. He persisted in stalking me as much as he was able to, and that's when my ptsd started becoming apparent.

Before we fled to the refuge, my ex would hang around outside of my house, he would turn up places he knew I'd be, he learnt my routine and would always be somewhere along my route, he would follow us through town positioning himself in front of my pram (especially when the pram was world facing), he escalated to the point where he was breaking into my home whilst we were out and moving things around to make me think I was losing my mind (which it did), and escalated further to the point where I would wake in the night and he would be in my house, I would waken to the sound of DS (then 1yr old) screaming the most ungodly scream (unlike all his other cries) and my ex would be somewhere in my house. Obviously there were times when I'd have uniformed police round even when DS was awake, police attendance was almost weekly.

DS never ever witnessed any violence. But he would have likely been aware/sensed how afraid I was all of the time.

My ex broke into my house in October, I then suffered a breakdown and ended up being medicated for my c-ptsd. DS (3 then) witnessed all of this.
And recently there's been a trial which was massively detrimental to my MH, and issues with an aggressive neighbour resulting in banging, him shouting abuse, and more uniformed police officers.

My family support worker suspects that DS has unresolved trauma stemming from the first three years of his life, exacerbated by recent events with my ex and my neighbour, and also by my own c-ptsd (as I often gets bouts of feeling incredibly anxious and scared and jump at my own shadow)

I'm so so sorry this has been so long - I was trying to be thorough - Wine Gin if you made it to the end. Can anyone help me make sense of this?

OP posts:
blankface · 13/07/2017 21:49

Print your post and give it to the team who are assessing your son.

No-one online can diagnose him or say one behaviour is definitely autism and another is trauma-related. Let the professionals do their job. Meanwhile, you can look for strategies to cope with his behaviours, the interventions are mostly the same, irrespective of the cause.

Can you do something just for yourself? You've been through an awful lot of adverse experiences in the last few years, can you spoil yourself a little, doesn't have to be expensive, just something to acknowledge to yourself that you're a very strong and capable woman. Because you are. Flowers

Mumteadumpty · 20/07/2017 20:24

What experience and knowledge of ASD/ADHD does your support worker have?
As PP says, let the team complete the assessment. It does sound as if he is at the right place.
Try not to dwell on stuff you cannot change OP, your son could have the same difficulties whatever experiences he had had.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 20/07/2017 20:32

Disorganised attachment disorder can develop when the primary care giver is afraid. Perhaps look that up and see if any of it fits?

You sound like you've had a horrible time OP Flowers. With the right support I'm sure your DS can be helped to be more settled.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 20/07/2017 21:08

Thank you all. He's on the waiting list now to receive trauma counselling 😓 I feel hugely guilty.
I have to be referred to a specialist psychological service for my own complex ptsd.

I just hope we can both come through this.

I will google that now.

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