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Child mental health

Please help me to help my anxious 5 year old.

10 replies

Cherubneddy1 · 09/06/2017 22:08

I can't believe I'm writing this. 12 months ago I would have described DD (5) as being friendly, confident, sociable and resilient. She had no problems making friends. Everyone commented on how happy she was.

But last Sept she changed schools, and started Year 1 in a new school. She has REALLY struggled with making new friends. The school have acknowledged the class have issues with friendships, and I got to know another mum whose daughter was new who had also struggled.

However, in the last few weeks things have got much worse. She's started showing signs of anxiety. Took us a while to put the pieces together. But she is showing almost OCD tendencies re not drinking/ eating from anything anyone has even touched, she's freaking out in the swimming pool as she won't swim past drains, is telling me she wants to die and everyone hates her, and this week I've found a lot of notes she's written in her bedroom, saying things like, "I'm the worst/ baddest girl in the world."

It came to a head on Thursday this week when she kept asking me to do her hair again and again repeatedly. She said, "but everyone will laugh at me." I soon realised this wasn't about her hair. She then became very upset, got under her bed, and refused to come out. I eventually calmed her and got her to school and had an emergency meeting with the headmistress who was brilliant and they will do some one to one work with her.

The HT did suggest I look into ASD as she was showing some traits. I'm trying to be open minded but am sceptical about this.

How can I help my gorgeous little girl? Is it just "a phase". I've been googling play therapists tonight, should I look into this? Or am I being over dramatic?

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DoItTooJulia · 09/06/2017 22:15

Not over dramatic-she needs to know you're looking after her.

If this is all down to anxiety she needs someone to have her back, to know that she can 'relax' because there's an adult on her side who understands.

I'd book a GP appointment. I'd ask the school to phone you if she had ANY issues and I'd consider some coping mechanisms for if the anxiety gets too much and you're not there. A simple guided mediatation with a worry tree could help. One that is simple enough for her to remember and to follow. Christianne (Kristianne?) Kerr does mediations for kids on Cd-may be worth checking them out?

But most of all talk to her and reassure her that the world is a funny place but that she is loved and can always come and talk to you about anything, anytime, no matter what.

If schoolnis too stressful, consider a week off to see how she goes maybe?

I hope she's ok and you can work this out Flowers

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Cherubneddy1 · 09/06/2017 22:23

Thank you SO much for your reply, it's so helpful. I will check out those suggestions. I chatted to her tonight and we talked about how it would be helpful for her to spend some time on her own in her room after school, without her little brother annoying her! And that we would spend time together cuddling and chatting about her day when I get home from work, everyday.

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DoItTooJulia · 09/06/2017 22:28

You're welcome-I just hope you can get to the bottom of whatever's going on and help her through it.

It can't be nice for you either. Have you got any IRL support?

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Cherubneddy1 · 09/06/2017 22:34

Yes I do, thank you. DH is worried too (which takes a lot TBH) but we're supporting each other. Friends are being lovely too.

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paddlingwhenishouldbeworking · 09/06/2017 22:40

Oh poor thing. One of my Dc suffered like this although has it under control now.

If it is anxiety, one of the big things is to get her talking. Get worries and negative thoughts out in the open to take away their power. Don't dismiss them though. A good book was What to Do When You Worry Too Much. She may be too young but you may be able to employ some of the techniques on her behalf.

Re the self esteem, does she do activities outside school? I find a strong life outside school can also make school relationships lessen in significance. Also make sure you're concentrating on life skills as well as the academic stuff in these early years to give her overall confidence in herself.

Its heartbreaking to see your children in such distress.

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Funnyfarmer · 09/06/2017 22:41

Maybe a little different. But my 6 yr old has been very anxious recently. More worrying over everything. Dad leaving, grandma dying, me forgetting to pick her up from school, burglars, even people watching her. Some are really far fetched like is she going to turn into someone eles, will her limbs fall off.
These worries are completely unfounded. Her dad and I have a great relationship. Her grandma isn't ill and we've never had a break in.
I got her a "worry diary" it's basically one of those kiddie lockable diarys. She writes her worries in it and locks them away. Dad and i have also wrote little notes in it for her to read when she's feeling anxious.
It's really worked for her.
Although your dd's symptoms sound a little more serious so I really would consider a gp. But maybe something to consider in the meantime

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Cherubneddy1 · 09/06/2017 23:15

Thank you so much for taking the time to post, all of you.

I will certainly look up that book suggestion. DD is very sporty( but struggles with reading which is affecting her confidence) but the only after school thing she does is swimming now ( due to the cost). She's very good at swimming, but can't progress anymore currently as to start swimming lengths she has to swim past drains. Which she just can't cope with ATM.

I am making an effort for her to meet with friends from our village and previous school though. Which she loves.

Love the idea of a 'worry diary'. I'm going to get one asap.

Bless her, I just checked on her as she's been fast asleep since 6pm. Still in her school uniform. I figured it wasn't worth waking her to go through the whole bath, book bed routine.

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paddlingwhenishouldbeworking · 09/06/2017 23:25

Oh bless, lots of cuddles needed.

Life skills doesn't have to be the big stuff, but things like giving her little responsibilities at home and making sure whenever there's an opportunity for her to do something for herself rather than you do it for her, you encourage her to do it. If she sees you having naturally having faith in her, she's more likely to start to have faith in herself.

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paddlingwhenishouldbeworking · 09/06/2017 23:29

Oh another thing. Similar to the worry diary but we used to do a little list every day at bedtime (not written down) of what didn't go well today and what DID go well today. Was very important in terms of getting negative thoughts perspective. I used to do it about my day too, so DC saw that I had frustrations, got cross with myself sometimes etc. These were often made up by me but the point was that she could see nobody was perfect and we were all dealing with things everyday but that was fine and we were still happy overall.

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FastForward2 · 09/06/2017 23:43

I am glad the head teacher is helping.
I agree with others re GP, and suggest you ask about ASD, if only to rule it out. A professional assessment would help you whatever the cause, and also would help find the right solution. The sooner the better so she can get the most aporopriate help in place, particularly at school.
If reading is a problem have they checked for dyslexia? Can you help with the reading? I am not a teacher but taught my 2 to read at home using jolly phonics books because the whole book approach at school was not working for them.
I hope you find a solution but think expert help via GP is the best approach.

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