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9 year old fear of death - bad thought

(7 Posts)
SarfEast1cated Sun 02-Apr-17 07:48:37

Hi all, I hope you can help. My DD is permanently worried about dying. A family friend died recently (aged 70) but this is what started it off. She says she keeps getting bad thought in her head (that she is going to die) and she can't stop them. I have tried lots of ways to help, like seeing the thoughts and batting them away, and talking to her about how unlikely it is that she will die of cancer/heart disease etc. I have even told her that publishers put stories like this on the covers of mags to sell them.
I am a bit perturbed about it because it's been going on for 3 weeks now and not really getting any better. I have a very active mind, and can really sympathise with her, but I have no idea how to help.
What do you think?
PS I know there is a Bach flower remedy that deals with this, but it mostly brandy so not very child friendly.

CharliesSister Sun 02-Apr-17 14:38:28

Have a look into Kalms and Rescue Remedy, I can't say confidently that they're suitable for children but I'd be surprised if they weren't, it'll say on the packet.

If its been going on for almost a month, I'd be tempted to look into CAMHS for her too, as it sounds a lot like an anxiety disorder.

There are all kinds of simple breathing exercises she can do, mediation videos on YouTube etc. I'd perhaps steer her away from any potentially triggering media for the time being, if you can.

It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job, just by being a secure, safe person that she can confide in will do wonders for her.

Nicotina Sun 02-Apr-17 14:47:52

She might be a bit old for it although mine wasn't at 9. A worry monster - write your worry on a piece of paper, scrunch it up and put in zipped mouth of worry monster. Zip it shut and while you are asleep, worry monster eats your worries. Or parent comes in while you are asleep, surreptitiously takes bit of paper out. And reads it. Either way, the worry has been disposed of. We got a few knots untied with this .
Not saying you should play down or make light of the worries but it might help.

TheMasterNotMargarita Sun 02-Apr-17 14:48:12

I sympathise.
My DD is also 9 and goes through times of being worried about this and has done for years.
It's normal, it's a scary thing for adults never mind children.
Something that helped us was a lot of talking about how death is a part of life and when you die your physical body changes back into the molecules that make up lots of other things.
And that the love and the memories that you leave behind stay with the people close to you.
So viewing it as a normal thing rather than a big deal.
I'm paraphrasing and it has taken a long time to get her not so anxious over it but just keep talking.

SarfEast1cated Sun 02-Apr-17 16:29:57

Thanks all, much appreciated. I have noticed that there are lots of posts on this board about 9yr olds with anxiety, I wonder why and what's going wrong!
I'm beginning to wonder whether I should just go and live in a yurt in a field somewhere!
Do you have any theories?

TheMasterNotMargarita Sun 02-Apr-17 20:35:11

I think it's just that they aren't little ones any more...becoming more aware of what goes on in the world outside their immediate bubble and unfortunately a lot of it isn't really all that pleasant.

Blossom789 Sat 22-Apr-17 20:19:52

If much of Dd's worries started after the recent bereavement talking about death may be useful. If this is her first experience of loss it may be really shocking that people aren't here forever. There is a good series of books 'when someone very special to you dies' it's a workbook and may have bits in it that's relevant and will help with understanding what's gone on.

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