Advanced search

Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you need professional help, please see our mental health webguide

Autistic 12 yo DS scaring family

(7 Posts)
kebek Mon 25-Jul-16 11:46:57

My 12 year old son has aspergers and lately his rages have become so bad and more frequent that he's scaring me and the other children.
Generally, he is a happy boy who adores school, can be really lovely and understands about his autism. But recently as he becomes a teen, his rages are getting worse and I don't quite know what to do.
This weekend he was so angry at having to help clear the table that he picked up the bread knife from the table and started banging it down over and over again. For a split second I was worried he'd attack me. He also picked up a glass bowl and threatened to throw it at me. I ignored it and left the room, but I was quite scared. He has managed to stop himself on these occasions and I can't say whether he would go that far, I like to think not - but a year ago it wouldn't have entered my mind that he could even threaten me.
In addition, his younger siblings are really scared.
This has been going on for a while. Usually the flash point is bedtime which can go on for an hour. We try to send him to his room to calm down where he has lots of strategies, but he gets hysterical refuses to go, slams doors, screams loads, throws things. He's a big boy and there's no way I'd try and force him up the stairs.
I need help.
I don't know whether he's depressed, whether it's autism or whether it's a pre-teen boy, but he can't be happy and I want him to be the happy, sweet boy he can be and for us all to live together happily.
Any advice gratefully appreciated.

VioletBam Mon 25-Jul-16 14:06:42

flowers Have you any professional support in place? I have a 12 year old DD without ASD and she's a scary nightmare at times so I can only imagine how it is with a child who has Aspergers.

You could speak to CAMHS to see if there's anything you can do?

Also perhaps, since you know it's bedtime which is a flashpoint, maybe he might benefit from a later bedtime? What time is he going at the moment?

Is he allowed to read or anything when he's gone?

My DD has no DX but has some ASD traits and I've found that with her, she actually needs less sleep than most kids her age and lights off at 10.30pm still results in her getting up for school at 6.30am and getting ready and off with no issues.

We had ongoing problems till I thought I'd try later bedtimes. She couldn't sleep for hours before and would lie in the dark thinking.

Decorhate Mon 25-Jul-16 14:17:45

Yes my 12 year old also rarely settles down for the night before 10 so I would also suggest a later bedtime (unless your ds already stays up that late?). Sometimes he will go up to his room around 8 or 9 and be doing stuff on his phone but would rarely go to sleep that early.

kebek Mon 25-Jul-16 14:46:37

Thank you. He goes to bed at 9, but his rages drag this out til 10 most nights. If he goes to bed calmly then he reads for a long time.
He wakes up at 5.30 normally and is exhausted.
We have no support in place because he's impeccably behaved at school and I don't think anyone would recognise the boys he is at home.
I may call the GP.

Busybee101 Sun 11-Dec-16 08:58:30

I have a similar thread in SEN. I wondered if anything had calmed down or what had worked for you.
My son suddenly became violent in the summer. He now throws things and kicks and slaps me leaving me covered in bruises.
It's so difficult to know how to deal with it and all the professionals seem to have different opinioms

barnetbarnet Fri 30-Dec-16 14:02:36

It's a good subject. I ask if they have a knife (or any object) and is prepared to throw said object - how do you disarm them without injuring yourself / them?

My boy is now throwing books / cups / toys etc around and I'm worried that these objects are getting bigger and that his brother will also be the target, as well as me.

glitterandtinsel Fri 30-Dec-16 14:05:26

Go to the doctor and get referred to CAHMS.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now