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An epic wibble about not really coping with Aspergers kids and depressed husband but I need to.

(6 Posts)
Tiffanytwisted Sun 15-May-16 20:57:33

Just that really. Can I just rant a bit ? DS is 11, needs everything explaining to him, very quick to correct me if I muddle my words or make a mistake and can't be trusted to do most things without extra help. DD is a very difficult teenager, under CAMHS, school refusal, meltdowns, obsessions that take over her life, doesn't understand that I need some space occasionally and will follow me around talking constantly.

They both have aspergers and create mess and chaos and problems. I do love them very much but I am struggling to stay on top of things. I work part time but am losing work because of the kids appointments and needs and clients see me as unreliable now.

DH is depressed and has been for about ten years, tried different therapies and medications but comes off them as soon as he feels better and lapses again. He is lovely but very remote and needs all his energy to cope with his demanding job and admits there's nothing left for me as the kids need so much.

I have been writing this post in my head all day and now I'm writing it on here they keep bursting in wanting me to do things and find things and why isn't this clean, where is my bag, can you do this for us now....

I feel as if I am trying to swim in the middle of the sea and going under. I so want some peace and time alone but I can't go anywhere as school phone most days because of problems with the kids.

I know I am very lucky compared to some as I have friends (who can't really help but sympathise) but I feel like I'm always whinging to them. Family are very needy and want to visit but then complain that the kids don't behave or the house isn't tidy enough. Everyone sees me as some kind of superwoman I think. But if I'm not then we all stop swimming.

Thanks for reading, tell me how you cope with this sort of life?

annandale Sun 15-May-16 21:04:54

No experience with kids with aspergers but a lot with delressed/psychotic husband.

To be blunt, fucking around with his meds is a luxury he can't afford right now. The chances are when the kids are older and he retires/can scale down work he might manage to taper off (well it hasn't worked for dh but I'm sure it does for some) but right now you all need optimum stability. That's something he can do for all of

Tiffanytwisted Sun 15-May-16 21:36:00

He seems to feel ashamed that he needs them, and that once he's feeling better they can be ignored. So frustrating.

Msqueen33 Sun 15-May-16 21:55:32

He needs his meds! I feel for you. Two out of my three kids have autism and life is bloody hard. Husband is annoyed he's not number one. I'm shattered as I'm at a lot of appointments plus our toddler is non verbal so very difficult. What about direct payments for play clubs? You sound like you need help and time off. Do you have any family help? X

Tiffanytwisted Sun 15-May-16 22:16:07

I'm just trying again to apply for DLA (turned down before) in the hope that the extra money might fund some help. Family will help occasionally but much less as the kids have gotten older and more difficult. They don't live nearby. The appointments are endless, aren't they?

Tippytoes13 Mon 15-Aug-16 22:52:53

Didn't want to read and run, I don't have children with aspergers so can't relate to what you're saying, but I have a son with OCD, which can be tricky and worrying at times. I agree with the others, now is not the time to come of his medication, there is nothing to be ashamed of and if it helps him to cope, it can only be a good thing for now. It sounds like you are doing amazing and life is hard at the moment, remember to be good to yourself, you matter too flowers

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