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Can anyone explain where we are ref camhs please?

(13 Posts)
pieinthesky123 Thu 23-Apr-15 11:10:01

My son is 16. He has been bullied/excluded from his social groups by one boy in his year who influencs the other kids. This boy comes from a an aggressive family and he attacked my son aged 12 in school, my son was hospitalised as a result of the attack. School were informed and school informed the boys parents, who responded with the boys dad pushing me over and threatening my dh with violence, they made nuisance phone calls and unwanted visits to our home. The police were not interested saying it was a school matter, school were not interested and avoided the subject of bullying when I tried to discuss it.

Gradually over time my son has just one friend left and has zero confidence, is still afraid of the boy and is intimidated daily by this boy. He chose college over sixth form as the boy chose sixth form. School are not interested in the bullying or attack.

My sons form tutor rang me up saying my son is quiet, withdrawn and has no confidence and is far too quiet and withdrawn and asked me to get him to our family doctor. I tried to mention the bullying but again this was tactically avoided by him.

I contacted the gp and the receptionist told me in front of my son, he was 16 and an adult so really mum doesn't need to be involved. I explained the schools concerns but she repeated he was an adult, she gave my son an appointment to see the gp, stressing it was his appointment and nothing to do with me.

My son went to the appointment alone, and came out saying he had discussed the bullying and it's effects, the gp had ruled out self harming and any other concerns and that he had recommended counselling which my son agreed to.

A week later we received a letter from camhs addressed to the parents of my son, saying camhs cannot help my son as he doesn't have one of the nine mental health conditions and as parents we are to arrange private counselling or try relate. The letter said if any professional remains concerned, they can refer him to camhs. This letter was addressed to the gp with us being copied in at the end of the letter.

The same week my son got a choose and book referal letter to make himself an appointment with p.a.s I believe. however as he is an adult he wants to do this himself but he can't understand how to book the appointment online himsel and refuses our help to try and book the appointment

Whenever I try to find out what's happening I am met with a stone wall saying he is an adult and they cannot tell me. Neither camhs or his gp will speak about the matter. They won't even explain the letter they sent me for the exact same reasons. I am not prying but my sons teacher rang me very concerned, I made the appointment and noone will tell me if everything is OK etc and what's happening..

Is he under camhs, googling I found that we as a family need to consent to this if he is, as our medical records need to be available to camhs and any other professional concerned including school. We haven't been approaced so has this been done without our knowledge?

I just want my son to get any help available and be involved only so that we can support him, especially as his gcse exams are weeks away.

Also a part of me is upset that we are going through this as a family whilst the bully and his family get to go about their lives without any involvement from any professional service, ie camhs or school. He didn't even get a detention for what he did to my son and we are going through this.

Sorry if this was a long, confusing rant I am worried about my son and school treat him as a child but the NHS regard an adult and me a nosey overbearing mum. Has anyone got a clue where we are with this problem as I can't go back to school saying I rang the gp but I have no clue what is going on.

Thanks for getting this far and for any help you can offer me.

chocolatelife Thu 23-Apr-15 11:14:41

gosh, that sounds very wrong of the GPs receptionist. If you and your DS want you in the GP appointment that should be your right.
What does your DS want?

can you ring up school nurse for a discussion and any pointers

chocolatelife Thu 23-Apr-15 11:15:47

from your perspective can you find ways of improving his self esteem? get him into stuff outside of school for example.
go out for a nice treat somewhere.

Donthate Thu 23-Apr-15 11:29:41

Our college has a counsellor. Can your sons college and see if they have one. Also ask his tutor if there has been any improvement. Most of all good luck. Give your son space but let him know he can talk to you any time.

pieinthesky123 Thu 23-Apr-15 18:59:29

Thank you both for replying. I have left a message to speak to our school nurse and ds form tutor. I have a number for our college counsellor which ds feels might be helpful so I have given that to him to make use of in his own time.

He felt under pressure from the receptionist to go in alone to see the doctor. We hadn't considered/discussed him going in alone to see the gp as we were following up the form teachers concerns. We want to encourage him to be more confident and independent and to ask us for help and support if he is struggling, but the legalities of the data protection act are frustrating. Has he got the help and support he needs is really all I want to know. If he didn't attend school we as parents are held responsible as he is a child but according to the NHS, he is an adult.

He is into sports and plays football regularly and has made some new friends. He is a totally different person away from school. At home and away from school he is fine, a normal teenage boy but school brings out this sad shadow of who he really isnt. He is doing well in school grade wise it's just the low self esteem. The stress of avoiding the common room in break and lunch as noone acknowledges him etc and sitting on your own when the teacher tells the class to get into groups for work is difficult, as the kids let him know that he isn't welcome. All the other kids really are frightened of the bully turning on them so go along with it. Yet in football away from school he is popular with the other lads. Hopefully college and new people will give him a fresh start. My dh has promised him a motorbike so he can be more independent and drive himself to college and football etc and he is really keen on this.

Thanks for the suggestions, hopefully things will become clearer after speaking to these people about what support he can access and he can a start to look forward to the future.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pieinthesky123 Thu 23-Apr-15 20:58:20

We are not in Hampshire. We would definitely pay for any private counselling for him. The letter we received had a leaflet enclosed for Relate for counselling, ds was a bit reluctant as he thought it was just for marriage guidance. Dh is going to ask his HR dept to see if we have cover for counselling under his private health insurance for the family. I totally agree with you, the NHS services are stretched and if he doesn't meet criteria then it's only right to concentrate their attention on the other kids who do need help. It's confusing when we both get different letters stating different things and due to his age we cannot work out what he is to do.

I am thinking that the way forward is to arrange private counselling for him if he is happy with that option, then he is more in control over his situation and it might build up his confidence. Plus it's private and probably not connected to his gp or school etc which was one of his concerns originally as he was bothered by who knew what about him school etc

Thanks for your reply.

chocolatelife Thu 23-Apr-15 22:32:44

I would tell the school that he doesnt meet Camhs criteria and hope that they would have other suggestions, other ideas or people they know of for support.
best of luck

indigoteeshirt Thu 28-May-15 19:42:47

You could also try Young Minds - the young person's Mind. Relate, I believe, can also offer family support. Maybe a good source because you as a family are/have been affected by your ds's experience. It may take the sense of isolation out and de personalise it for your son.

The positive of ds speaking to GP alone is that he was able to be very honest without having to take care of your feelings. That in itself might have of help to you ds.

To have coped with this experience with such resilience is real credit to your son and your family.

indigoteeshirt Thu 28-May-15 19:45:25

Also it sounds as though ds is in year 11 and soon to leave school. The end is in sight.

anthropology Thu 28-May-15 20:44:20

Young Minds is a helpful website, and they do offer a telephone service with call back if you as a parent need specific advice,(I spoke to someone who worked in a unit) but it sadly cant offer family support as the poster suggests.

if you are really concerned in the short term and want to see a private adolescent psychotherapist or psychiatrist, I suggest checking your local private adolescent mental health unit,(eg Priory) as the therapists there work with both NHS and Camhs, but also have their own specialist private practices. Their reports can influence camhs decisions if they have further concerns and they will be familiar with the problems he is experiencing. My DD left a school who couldnt cope with her MH issues, and she blossomed in a different environment. If his current school havent supported your DS, its not the place he should be. good luck.

Parsley1234 Thu 28-May-15 20:48:02

Where abouts are you op ? I have some experiance of really good therapists pm me if you want x

pieinthesky123 Thu 25-Jun-15 13:05:35

Firstly can i thank you all for your replies. I am sorry not to have been back to update sooner but we were organising some support for ds plus he had his Gcse's which was a bit stressful.

He has finally left school and that in itself has been a huge positive step. Funnily enough some other lads from school are also joining college from his year and they are beginning to socialise together, when previously they kept their distance.

Thank you Parsley for the kind offer, fortunately we can get a set amount of sessions through dh private health cover and they seem to be going well. They were weekly but are now fortnightly as ds improves.

Thank you Indigo for your lovely words about our resilience as a family. It's nice to hear it described in such a positive way.

Anthropology, I am glad your dd did well in a different environment and I hope this continues. It's amazing how just being somewhere else can make such a positive change.

Thanks everyone for your help and advice I am going to reread all the posts again and keep the details for a point of reference just incase and as a marker for the future in terms of progression.

Thanks to all of you x

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