Separation anxiety in 9 year old ds

[LifeChangingMe]

I am a newly single parent currently home educating my son due to his severe school refusal.
All his anxiety boils down to the fact he suffers greatly with separation anxiety. I spent the last 5 years in and out of hospital often at short notice, he missed me terribly.
Now he won't leave my side (maybe not helped by home edding) he won't go to any activities , I took him in to kids club at church I had to stay with him he clung to my side the whole time and wouldn't join in. He cried for an hour when I told him I was going to the cinema with my sister . He co-sleeps, only able to fall asleep if I am lay with him. He follows me round the house having to be in the same room with me. If I leave to go to the toilet I have to tell him (sometimes he waits outside). He is very sensitive and cries easily, he seems very anxious and when upset tells me he wants to kill himself.
I am very worried for his mental health now and in the future. I worry he will never be able to leave me and be confident to be on his own. I cry most nights as I see him asleep and know he struggles. I really don't know what to do to help him, and I feel he needs help to be a little boy again :'-(

[happy2help]

When did it start OP? You mentioned recurrent hospital stays over the last 5 years, but when did it start, w.hen did it get this bad? Has he always been home educated, or is this recent? Also, you mention that you are a newly-single parent, may I ask if he still has contact with both parents?
Sorry to ask all these questions - but I think the answers might be relevant. In the meantime

[LifeChangingMe]

It started when I was admitted into hospital for depression, his dad couldn't cope looking after him all day so he sent him to pre-school at aged 4. He never settled there and probably felt abandoned. He went to school a year later at 5, never settled cried hysterically I pulled him out after a term. He has been in and out of school since then, trying a term at a time when his anxiety got so bad he was making himself vomit at night.
His dad moved to Spain for work in 2010, coming back every 5 days. This year his dad has said he wants a divorce . We have just left our family home and moved from Essex to Manchester we are currently living at my parents (we have no home/money) I share the one room with him and his 13 yr old sister.
His dad sees him still every 5/6 days

[neolara]

I think you need to take yourself off the the GP and ask for a referral to see a specialist. This sounds like a problem that you will almost certainly need professional help with. Your poor ds. And poor you. Sounds very, very difficult.

[happy2help]

I agree with neolara.
This sounds incredibly tough for you, DS and DD.
This post is all about your DS, of course, as he is clearly your main concern and needs your support, but would you also be able to seek some support for yourself? Maybe being at your parents means you have a support network around you? Does your DS have a supportive and close relationship with your parents? If the answer is yes, maybe, being surrounded by three supportive and loving adults will help him find a sense of security over time.
How is the relationship between your DS and his dad? Does it seem to be a source of anxiety. Forgive me if I am prying, OP.

[tiger66]

My ds7 also suffers with separation anxiety and is having psychotherapy at the moment although it took a lot of persuading and pushy phone calls to get him seen. I also spent a few years going back and forth to the hospital to have tests for a neurological condition. There is such marked improvement following the therapy and his therapist suggests that things are deep routed in their subconscious. Please try to get some help from CAMHS. You can't deal with this on your own. I completely empathise with you and you must be exhausted emotionally with it. I am here for a listening ear. It's not a quick fix but you will get there in the end. Stay strong!

[MerryMarigold]

I am surprised he hasn't been seen yet if it is so bad. My son has much more mild anxiety and MN has been urging me to go to the GP so he can learn how to cope with it.

[JuliaScurr]

www.youngminds.org.uk/contact?gclid=CKy05tnsrb0CFZShtAod-HMAXg

they were very helpful when dd had very similar probs. Eventually gt her into a great school and went with her (!) for a few weeks, gradually moving further away in the building. Totally cured :)
try to find a head teacher like that one. We're in Medway - where are you?