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DD8 saw her father abuse me... Should she be in counselling?

(6 Posts)
minimarshmallow81 Tue 29-Jan-13 01:06:25

Last year DDs father started abusing me (hitting when he lost his temper/ when I tried to leave the relationship) I tried to shield her from it but unfortunately she did she things (and see marks on me) it culminated in him raping me when I told him that our relationship was completely over and I wanted him out of the house (I paid all of the bills as he didn't work). She didn't see anything of that (I hope) but I know she heard things.

We've always been really close (her father only started showing an interest in us when she started school) but since the abuse started she has been very clingy and can't sleep through the night and calls out for me in her sleep (worrying about me, probably). I work full-time in a very demanding job but spend every spare moment with her to try and show that I'm okay, that I'm not going anywhere but she's still very clingy. Her emotions are all over the place (she has a very short temper and has started having full-on meltdowns) and I'm really worried.

We're moving away (too many bad memories) in March so I was wondering if I should see how that goes (if just getting away from that house makes a difference) or if I should push to have her referred for counselling. I (and other family members) have tried to get her to talk but she refuses and changes the subject. She says that she hates her father but I can tell that she misses him (and I feel that she may blame me in the long run as I have pressed charges).

I just don't want to lose her and I can see this leading to such problems in the future. (I know I shouldn't have stayed, but I felt she needed her father around.)

FarelyKnuts Tue 29-Jan-13 01:25:11

Firstly I am so sorry for you have been through. Well done on getting out.

How soon is the house move?

It may benefit your DD to have counselling at some stage. What age is your DD?

minimarshmallow81 Tue 29-Jan-13 01:43:56

Ooops, new to the acronyms- she's eight. And the house move is in late feb.

FarelyKnuts Tue 29-Jan-13 02:06:30

I would personally wait for the house move. That will be unsettling enough. See how she is after you are out of the old house.
How have you explained to her what is happening?
Presumably if she was a witness to this and charges were pressed she is aware that what her father did was wrong etc? She might be finding it very difficult to express that she loves him if she is aware he has done awful things?
Maybe you need to tell her very clearly that her dad did a bad thing but that its ok to still love him because he is her dad. That you can hate the behaviour and love the person iykwim?

mindfulmum Sat 09-Feb-13 01:31:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 09-Feb-13 01:37:22

After you get settled in, maybe it would be a good idea for you both to have some counseling. You have come through a very traumatic time. Counseling can help you deal with that and strengthen you for your future.

I wish you and your DD all the best in your new

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