You kissed her, after telling me not to worry!

(14 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Nenajean Wed 08-Jan-20 21:34:06

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have had a fantastic relationship; it's fun and playful and more loving than I could have ever imagined. We never had any issues with trust – until recently. My boyfriend found a new job. A decent paying job and not only that he is happy to go to work. He's being there for about 7 months. Within a few months in, i noticed him texting very late at night and always on his phone.

He was always telling me about the CEO's niece who went through a lot with her cheating ex. The worst thing is she keeps going back to him over and over. He told me they're just friends and he is helping her to gain her confidence back. She has zero self-esteem! A few weeks after that I saw a few weeks after i saw you sending her flirting messages. I confronted you and you apologize. You said you were just being nice. You promised me that you would never hurt me. I was sad and disappointed.

A month or two after I checked your phone again. She texts you saying "I know that is wrong but I just wanted to kiss you and be all over you". I started shaking. I couldn't believe you. I held my son and started crying. I scroll down only to see you telling her that the feeling was mutual. You are one messed up individual. Oh not only that you started deleting text messages before you cone home? Who are you? I asked myself. I felt lost and betrayed. I can feel blood gusting to my head. I ask God to help me so i don't go crazy. Emotional trauma is real.

I confronted you. You said sorry. You made a mistake. Now, I am the second girl you being intimate with. I don't think that is the reason for you to be looking elsewhere and trying to taste the water. Was it? This was the hardest time of my life. I know it was just a kiss but to me that was intimate. (Tongue kissing a Latina) heck yeah. I guess you always wanted to see how it's like to be with one of them i hope it was worth it.

What hurt me the most is that i was 4-month postpartum from giving birth to our baby boy. We always talk about how we want to be a big happy family. This was our first baby. I went through so much to bring him here and my push present was my you making out with a coworker the one i told you was a treat to our family. Unbelievable!

I cried, I cried but no matter what i never want to give up on our family. You had the audacity to checked out during our arguments, When I'm just looking for answers, How dare you? After all, you put me through you're not willing to fight for our relationship? You telling me its best that we break it off instead of fighting for our family? Did you even love me? Do you care about this family at all?

I had so many questions. Some are unanswered. We tried moving forward but I feel stuck and confused as to why you never putting us first. Thats all I ever wanted and for a few years I thought i was it.
I want to forgive you so bad. Actually, I do but I'm still hurting. As a result, I have trust issues. Don't make it seems like you don't know why I do! Why do you think people don't cheat? Oh, Okay.

We told each we would not bring this in the new year. We'd let it go with 2019, that's a lie. I am still struggling and occasionally crying out loud. You don't know how hard it is for me knowing you're still working there. and on top of that, you are still her facebook friend. Oh thats your crossfit carpool. CrossFit is a couple of feet away from your job blablabla.... it doesn't matter to me honestly.

You told me you do what you do because you don't want things to be awkward at work. How selfish are you? Well, but it's okay for me to be awkward at home right? Yes, for sure. You promised me that you're doing everything at work and keeping your distance. Do I want to believe you? yes, but what about what I want for once? Does it matter? I guess it doesn't.

You hate when I say it but its the truth. I didn't ask you to leave his job. I would appreciate it if you did go to that route to save our relationship but I would never ask you to do that. As of right now, I feel like I don't matter to you. I feel an option. Is that how love suposed to feel? Will it get better? I don't feel safe in love, I don't feel secure, it feels like I'm living with a stranger.

We have a 6-month-old baby boy. We're trying to make it work. I'm willing to give is about 6 months to see if you're worth my love/time. I am not settling, I rather struggle. I'm not sure what to do. I don't think you're doing everything and anything you can for the sake of our relationship. I am not saying you're not, b after what happens ACTIONS DOES SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I am sorry 💔 What would you do if you were in my shoes? Any advice is welcome, please! Thank you

OP’s posts: |
Dozer Wed 08-Jan-20 21:35:35


Dozer Wed 08-Jan-20 21:36:26

And if you don’t leave, go back to work after maternity leave. Don’t be financially dependent on your BF.

Innocentinfamy Wed 08-Jan-20 21:39:34

That ^

MsPepperPotts Wed 08-Jan-20 21:48:53


MsPepperPotts Wed 08-Jan-20 21:51:07

I think you might need to move this to 'Relationships' for more support and advice OP as it won't get seen by many in 'Carers'

AmbitiouslyFit Wed 08-Jan-20 22:03:20

He is minimizing the impact this has on you becshse his feelings are all he cares about right now.

He is likely to cheat on you again and think he can use words to explain things

If he doesn’t show true remorse then beleive your gut


Nenajean Wed 08-Jan-20 22:07:26

I tried but it doesn't work.

OP’s posts: |
Hanab Wed 08-Jan-20 22:14:48

you don’t matter to him its all about him and his image .. is he really worth the heartache? You are doing your bit .. what is his contribution? He is Continuing with his life the way he was .. still around the same people. Has he shown remorse? Is he actually changing?

Get your ducks in a row and move on OP ..

Dozer Thu 09-Jan-20 18:51:39

Tried leaving? It could work: grit your teeth and work towards a much better life without him!

FearlessSwiftie Fri 10-Jan-20 08:10:51

leave, he doesn`t deserve a single minute of your time

AFistfulofDolores1 Fri 10-Jan-20 08:17:10

Leave. Nothing else to do.

Brig93 Fri 10-Jan-20 08:55:54

Single mom of 5 weeks old and 11 months old here 🙋‍♀️ You can do it.. mine was exactly the same ..if you have family support don’t waste your time on him.. he won’t change you cannot fix it and honestly you will keep your sanity..

JoMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 10-Jan-20 09:09:57

We can see that the OP's started a new thread in our Relationships topic so we're going to close this one for now and will be taking it down shortly. Here's the link - You kissed her, after telling me not to worry! Wow 4 months later I'm still crushed!

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