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Elderly who won't let the cares do anything

(4 Posts)
user1486512058 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:11:33

My mother (83) has to have carer support as she has mobility problems , trouble is she won't let them check her incontinence pads, take her for a bath or let them wash her naughty bits. I also bought her a wheelchair & a hearing aid she won't use either. I've tried talking to her and other members of the family and the carers but it goes in one ear and out the other . It's getting to the point now where the carers are saying it's a waste of their time calling. Is there anything I can do because I told her if they stop she's on her own as I can't be her full time carer .

BlossomCat Wed 08-Feb-17 00:22:14

The question is; does she have the capacity to make those decisions?
If she does, she is 'allowed' to make unwise decisions, but it needs to be explained to her how those decisions effect her and those around her. (Eg sore skin, not hearing etc)
If her decision making is due to confusion, dementia or another cognitive impairment, you have a different battle on your hands. If this is them case, you need to get the GP or community matron involved. Go through your GP's community nursing service and raise the issue with them, or her social worker.
Good luck with whatever the outcome is.

BlossomCat Wed 08-Feb-17 00:24:11

Also, they are not 'naughty bits' we all have genitalia, even the Queen and the Pope... grin

parklives Wed 08-Feb-17 00:59:42

I agree with blossomcat.

You should read this book....

http://atulgawande.com/book/being-mortal/

It's about the balance between safety and extending lives at the cost of quality of life.

(Not that your relative is necessarily there yet). It's difficult to remember that your relative still has ownership over their life and how they live it, when you think you know what's best for them. You probably do know what's best for them, but the book recommends asking the person requiring care, what do they want, and how can it be achieved. If they want you to do most of the care and you are unable or unwilling to, have that conversation too. It's not about ruining your quality of life, but reaching a compromise.

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