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ms, supporting dh

(11 Posts)
giggly Sun 20-Feb-11 23:54:14

Dh has had ms for 18 years and we now have 2 dc under 5. I held of having them as I was unsure of the impact on his health and me being main carer.

So now at 44 I feel worn out being the major breadwinner with the burden of responsibility always being on my shoulders.

My dh does work in a low paid p/t job despite having professional qualifications, he was out of the job market for 7 years and has never got back into his profession.

In order for him to work( which he needs for his self worth) I do pretty much everything in the house and entertain our dc as well as working of course.

Our families and friends are respectful of his ms and always ask after him but this is my main bug bear, no one ever asks how I am. I am f***ed keeping all the balls up in the air.
I have tried to explain to some friends how life is for me but I just don't think they get it.

I am not sure what I am looking for but needed to get that out.

Now breath.....

smilerwile Mon 21-Feb-11 00:02:48

You must look as if you cope admirably. Must be so hard though. I don't think anyone can understand unless they have a very very similar experience/situation themselves.

smilerwile Mon 21-Feb-11 00:03:44

Strange though that no-one takes this on board when you actually end up telling them just how it is for you.

giggly Mon 21-Feb-11 22:39:04

Thanks smilerwile, I think I just give them the sanitised version. I am a nurse and again think they expect me to have a shut of valve.

I think I am generally disappointed in my friends who all mostly work in health/social care, although I do except that we all have our own lives.

But pisses me of when they seek support from me and moan when they don't get enough "me" time. If onlyenvy

smilerwile Tue 22-Feb-11 00:30:23

Hi giggly, thought that may be the case ie that you give the sanitised version. Unfortunately we can all be very insular and in your profession I assume it may also be a case of people dealing with similar situations and seeing it as something that you have a better insight into and so a way of life you know more about than those outside the profession, and so you being a nurse they expect you to find it easier to deal than others who would have no idea, forgetting that you are only human.

Sorry not putting this very well at all. Really I should stop making excuses. Didn't want your post to go unanswered. I cannot imagine how you cope day in day out.

smilerwile Tue 22-Feb-11 16:36:28

Giggly, how are you today?

giggly Tue 22-Feb-11 23:40:06

Hi thanks for your reply. I notice that you post late at night to, well apart from today.

Knackered today as dh agreed to take dd#1 age 5 to swimming as he was of work but when I got home he said he was to tiredhmm There is a fine line between disability and cant be bothered. That may seem harsh but that is how it feels.

No housework done and I had to take her to swimming after throwing my diner down my throat and grabbing 30min with dd#2. Got back home at 8.15 and then had to sort out some banking etc before hitting the couch at 10pm.

A fairly typical day.This is how it is and mostly I accept that, I am not depressed just a bit pissed of with my lot. Thank you for your interest.

smilerwile Wed 23-Feb-11 22:27:11

Hi I can understand that you are pissed off. Would say hope it all gets better for you but feel that would be belittling how life is for you, can still wish it for you though.

I tend to glance over MN whenever I can or feel the need for a reminder of how I am not alone. With the holidays and various other things it tends to be the late evening before I can log on, I don't want the children to see me on the pc too often! While I am not a carer myself, I am a mum and that alone can leave you feeling life is not the way it could be - and that's were MN comes in. As you imply in your OP a good place to ran...t and then breath wink .

Honu Wed 27-Jun-12 04:29:52

Hi Giggly if you are still there. Have just found the carer's area on MN and know just where you are coming from - except my children are not nearly as young as yours. DH is very disabled and I am sole carer and, like you, I feel I am the only one who takes the responsibility. {{Hugs}}

ImNotAnsweringIt Sat 14-Jul-12 12:05:25

Hi, just found this after coming to start a thread myself. Anyone still around? I hope you are ok OP and not just too busy and knackered to return. You too honu

My dh has a painful, degenerative condition and we have 2 under 5 too. He is able to work full time currently but cannot manage much else; comes home, has a sleep, eats dinner, goes to bed (most, not all days). I work pt and am so fed up and tired of doing everything. Cooking, cleaning, bathtime, bedtime, no lie ins/naps etc. I know it isn't about me, I wouldnt change places with him, he is really suffering. I am just so sad that this is our lot. I am studying as will need to be main bread winner at some point. I wanted a full, fun life. Not money but fun; walks with the dogs (not on my own), bike rides together, camping, I dunno, just fun stuff.
It feels a bleak right now. Thanks, just wanted to get it out without feeling too guilty or self indulgent.

ImNotAnsweringIt Sat 14-Jul-12 22:18:11


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