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how do you have sex on a camping holiday if you go with children?

(60 Posts)
Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 09:16:05

Well.. exactly that really!

Dh and I have two children..dd aged 10 and ds who would be year old in the summer.

We like the idea of camping for a week somewhere but what do families do about having sex ? Surely you can't in a family tent... ? Dd would hear us...! So do you just not have sex ?

I know this sounds ridiculous but it's putting me and dh off camping and I wondered what others do.. thanks.

WallyBantersYoniBox Fri 19-Apr-13 10:43:10

Oh god "Ruth got Vangoed"!!!! That's enough to put me off for life.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 19-Apr-13 11:35:02

yes, even if you think you're silent - you are not! breathing changes, little noises that you are not aware of. Sound of movement.

slapping and squelching wink

There is no such thing as silent sex. There is only ever 'you not being aware of the noise you are making' sex!

And your poor kids will be in bed like this

or all of a sudden, from the darkness, will come a tiny voice "what are you doing, mummy?"...

Quenelle Fri 19-Apr-13 12:24:12

"Ruth got Vangoed" Yuck!

I remember on a trip years ago there was a couple in a very small bivouac at it one morning. They were blissfully oblivious to the fact that everyone on the campsite could see the whole tent sort of writhing and humping. It was quite a sight.

troutsprout Fri 19-Apr-13 13:10:17

Eeewww @ " Ruth got vangoed" need the 'Pop and go' knickers!

Lottapianos Fri 19-Apr-13 13:18:55

My best mate went on a caravan holiday for a few days with her parents when she was 18 (no idea why!). She went to bed early one night and her dad told her he hoped she would sleep really well (ewwww!) She didn't think anything of it but half an hour later she could hear them at it in the next room/compartment/whatever. She said the walls were so thin, she could hear them kissing! shock As well as everything else (vomit)

She has never quite forgiven them for not being able to restrain themselves for a few flipping days. So don't do it to your children OP - you will scar them for life!

grin at I'mTooHecsy's picture

Listmaker Fri 19-Apr-13 13:20:11

I agree that it's really not possible once your dcs are over a certain age. My DH used to go on lots of camping trips with his ex and I think had plenty of sex but I am not a camping fan and would do a weekend max for lots of reasons but one is no chance of sex and I like to have sex on holiday with my DH!!

My DDs are teenagers and they (and I) would die if they realised what was going on. It's impossible to be quiet enough. It's so quiet at night in a field!

Also it's too bloody cold! I am wrapped up in about 10 layers by the time I go to bed. There is no way I'm taking anything off for sex!

TSSDNCOP Fri 19-Apr-13 13:24:08

Oh dear God, was that a link to Camping By Netmums with all the flashing emoticons.

Your tent, your rules hun.

TunipTheVegedude Fri 19-Apr-13 13:31:45

I read once that one of the effects of sexual arousal is that your hearing gets worse (because of bloodflow being diverted to other areas). Thus any noises you are making will sound noisier than you think.

Do you remember the original Iron Age Village project, in the 70s? There was one interview where they asked the couples (who were all living together in a big roundhouse, Iron Age style) what they did about sex and the answer was that they just had to accept there was visual privacy but no auditory privacy.
They were there for a year so I suppose they just had to get on with it.

Meringue33 Fri 19-Apr-13 13:34:32

When I was 15 and my sister 11 we went on a long camper van hol with parents. A few years later in my sex obsessed twenties I was thinking about it and asked my mum why they would want to go on such a long hol without sex... Her response: "What makes you think we didn't have sex??" Mortified. We didn't hear it though smile

Earthymama Fri 19-Apr-13 14:09:50

This story is one of my classics,
We went camping in Glastonbury, (town not festival) and arrived around mid-day. Huge field empty, chose our spot, then decided to have a nap (not a euphemism!)
We were roused from sleep to find a party of about 20 people setting up camp nearly on top of us blush They had put the windbreak so close to our door we had to slide out sideways, I kid you not! They partied all night with the exception of the teen in bed right next to us who called her every friend and acquaintance back home in Birmingham to complain vociferously about being forced to go on holiday!

The next morning a friend helped DP and I to take out the tent pegs, pick up the tent and move it to the other side of the site.

As we sat having tea in the evening a Maestro pulled up next to us and out came an elderly couple. They got out a double air bed and bedding and nothing else and disappeared inside.

Soon the unmistakeable sounds of passion were heard and we grinned as we went off to have a shower and change for supper in town. Still going strong as we got back, cue knowing nods from fellow campers.

When we got back at midnight still at it, very loudly! Still at it when we fell into dose around 2am ish. There was a plaintive cry at some point of, 'Can I stop now?" Answered by, "But darling it is SO lovely" and on it goes.

Blessed silence greeted the dawn, then the dawn chorus broke as the mists cleared over the Levels. Our couple too were early risers because away they went again!

About 8.30 they emerged, deflated the air bed, put down the rather large frame tent and back into the Maestro they went!

We were exhausted, 2nights with no sleep hmm

We went out that evening but home and tucked up by 11pm.
At 1am a young couple started screaming and shouting. Then car doors slam and the car zooms off! Cue shouting and yelling by young man who says she has got all his clothes. I peep out and yes it is true! Goes on, he gets wilder, the. police come to calm him down and return him to the tent. All quiet until about 4 am when he is heard wandering around muttering about knives, holding a conversation with an invisible person generally scaring the doodah out of us. A brave soul, (who later discloses she is psychiatric nurse) comes out and calms him down until the police return and take him off!

I have never been as tired after a holiday; we got in the house mid-afternoon, fell into bed and didn't wake until the next day grin

This was one of our first visits to Glastonbury; now I go in search of sanctuary and healing and find it, though when I remember this camping trip I do wonder why we went back!

EssieW Fri 19-Apr-13 14:20:34

Twnts aren't soundproof!

I wouldn't so much be worrying about the children hearing you as the rest of the campsite. Though we'd probably applaud.

Maybe wild camp? Middle of nowhere.

seeker Fri 19-Apr-13 14:40:33

Twnts? That's a double entrendre waiting to happen!

HeirToTheIronThrone Fri 19-Apr-13 14:49:32

I lost my virginity in a tent... [confession face]

MrsHoarder Fri 19-Apr-13 15:08:46

Wally shock

As for OP, sex in a tent is usually unsuccessful. Save your energy for nice wholesome activities like walking to the pub

Yonihadtoask Fri 19-Apr-13 15:18:38

We don't have a tent, but do have a caravan. That's bad enough.

Don't even like to have the sex at home when the kids are in. (teen boys...)

MrsMc82 Fri 19-Apr-13 17:43:23

Wait for the rain! Drowns out any noise!

Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 17:46:24


<giggling childishly at naughty stories>

I can't decide if I'm put off camping or viewing this as some sort of challenge! Hmmmm !!

SirChenjin Fri 19-Apr-13 17:50:15

Don't do it! Dear god, my older 2 (15 and 13) would be scarred for life if DH and I went at it, although the 6 year old might not realise what was going on. It's only for a week - who on earth feels horny enough to have sex in a tent surrounded by strangers with their kids in the next sleeping compartment fgs??! No thanks!!

AuntieStella Fri 19-Apr-13 17:54:23

I remember the Iron Age programme - their one permitted modern item was contraceptive supplies.

And I can remember being at a major Scout Jamboree when in my teens and two of the young leaders sloping off to a tent for a 'siesta'. And yes, we could tell what they were up to.

austenozzy Fri 19-Apr-13 18:06:41

I think you're missing the obvious answer - you book into a hotel! Camping is for scouts and brownies, in my curmudgeonly opinion. :-)

Sunnywithshowers Fri 19-Apr-13 18:10:43

My DSis was traumatised as a teen when she went with our parents on a caravan holiday. She distinctly remembers the words 'You ready then gel?' and couldn't shut out the other noises... <boak>

Pancakeflipper Fri 19-Apr-13 18:12:44

Twnts .... Giggles immaturely.

Go to your car when kids are sleeping or find a big bush.

Fairylea Fri 19-Apr-13 18:14:38

Well I think we might go for a caravan again... we stayed in one at haven and it had a separate door to the lounge area and the kids were up the other end of the van with their doors shut after bedtime so we just sort of barricaded the lounge door shut and used the sofa.... ! And err hoped we didn't have dd knock on the door wanting a drink in the night or something... thankfully all was ok and we were very quiet and she didn't wake up.

It sounds like campsites are much less private than I imagined! I don't know if I'd like that anyway regardless of the sex... but there's still camping gene in me.somewhere. I might persuade dh to try it for a long no sex weekend smile

I might sound a bit sex mad, I'm honestly not... just don't want to go on holiday and not have sex! smile to me having sex is part (a small part but still an enjoyable one!) Of having a holiday smile

thebeastandbeauty Fri 19-Apr-13 18:15:43

Haha, this reminds me of going to Glastonbury when I was about 16.

A couple pitched their tent next to ours, then proceeded to go in it and shag very obviously.

It was a bell tent and the guys arse was thrusting back and forth against the side. A little butt-shaped dent kept appearing.


wonderingagain Fri 19-Apr-13 18:17:33

Lol at that link! Getting Vangoed and Montyed!

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