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Bullying on the way home from school

(19 Posts)
smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 21:17:07

DD (13) attands a small independent about 15 mins walk from our home. Also near our school is a large high school and she often crosses paths with pupils form this school on her way to and from school.

She has got used to the inevitable taunts and jibes from pupils from this high school which, although it upsets her, she has largely learned to ignore.

However today a large group of girls blocked her way on the pavement and would not let her pass. They then jostled and pushed her resulting in her being pushed into a holly bush which ripped her school tights. They walked off laughing leaving her scratched and in tears.

I am all for writing a letter of complaint to the headteacher of the high school as the road she walks along to school is very busy and she could so easily have been pushed into the path of a car.She doesn't want us to because she thinks it will make it even worse should she come across them again.

Also I am not sure what the school could do about it as it happened outside school hours and she doesn't know the girls in question although they were with twins she knows in year 9 (these girls were apparently there but not involved.)

What would you do? Is it worth writing a letter and asking the head to warn the children at the school that a serious complaint has been made and if it happens again the police will be involved or is this OTT? I don't want to make the situation worse for her but feel it needs to be dealt with.

smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 21:21:10

That disappeared off active convo's quickly- busy on here tonight!

smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 21:27:20


cornsilk Tue 02-Jun-09 21:29:17

Yes definitely write to the Head. Explain that your dd doesn't want to be named for fear of further bullying. How awful for your dd.

EccentricaGallumbits Tue 02-Jun-09 21:29:55

I', with you and it needs to be sorted now, rather than letting it slide and carying on.
A letter or phone call to head to start with.

Poor DD hope she's ok. Is there anyone from her school she could walk with?

bigchris Tue 02-Jun-09 21:32:01

I'd be tempted to walk with her tomorrow to see if they are still there, then threaten them with the police if they ever assault your daughter again sad

smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 21:34:55

Thanks- I'm glad you don't think I'm over-reacting.
EccentricaG -Unfortunately most of her friends either don't live in our town (they come from quite a wide geographical area as the school she goes to has no catchment) or they walk in the opposite direction.

poopscoop Tue 02-Jun-09 21:35:13

i would be loitering around to see it for myself, then jump the bastards and humiliate them to within an inch of their lives.

Sorry but I hate all forms of bullying as we have been there.

smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 21:37:07

Big chris I had thought of doing that but I'm not always around when she comes out of school. I had thought about threatening to report it to the police if it happened again in the letter to the head.

pointydog Tue 02-Jun-09 21:48:23

Contacting the head is a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

In this sort of situation, I try to form a plan of action which dd agrees with. Children do worry a lot about parents-contacting-head making things worse. Liek it or not, you will not be there (and no responsible adult will be htere) when these things happen.

So, maybe your dd could walk with a group of friends - safety in numbers. Maybe your dd could practise a few responses. Our plan of action would start with a few self-help ideas that might be worth trying before getting other adults involved.

However, as I said, contacting the heads first is not OTT and might be your preferred choice

ellingwoman Tue 02-Jun-09 21:50:37

If they were wearing school uniform and therefore could be identified as coming from that school, then the Head would definitely want to know. Although I would take the lead from your dd this time and wait and see if it happens again. THEN go for it. It's a horrible thing to happen.

smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 21:56:34

They were definitely from the local high school and they were all in uniform. DD actually knew two of the girls in the group although as I said they were not involved in the scuffle.

It's actually not the first time she has had to put up with abuse from pupils at this school although it's never been physical before. They taunt her for being posh and a snob (although her school is anything but- just a lovely small school family orientated school that suits her.)

pointydog Tue 02-Jun-09 22:01:00

If two schools are close to each other there is always a l ot of rivalry which has the potential to become heated.

Wilts Tue 02-Jun-09 22:01:15

We had something similar when Ds1 started secondary in September. He attends school out of cactchmet and has to walk through the estate to catch his bus.

He was being verbally abuse at first, which then moved on to his route being blocked and attempts to trip him up etc which moved onto him being punched.

Ds1 was able to identify the school the bullies attended by the uniform they were wearing, so Dh rang to have a word with the headteacher. Her response was pretty pants seen as this is a brand new school in our town, in a seemingly more affluent area than the one we live in. She tried to fob Dh off, saying that it is not unusual for children to steal school uniform etc to pretend they are from different schools.

Anyway we told her we were contacting the police.

The police were fairly good and actually went and spoke to the school in question and sent police down through the route he took on various occasions.

We were very lucky in that he got attacked and was able to identify the child when our local pcso's? were about so they went and had a word.

It has not happened since .

I would strongly recommend you contacting the police, even if your DD is not keen. My Ds hated that we contacted the police and was terrified of reprisals, but I was not prepared to sit back and see him come home in such a state everyday ( he was also taking time off school as he was too scared to leave the house).

I really hope you are able to sort something out for your DD, it is a horrible situation to be in for both of you

Wilts Tue 02-Jun-09 22:01:51

Excuse long post and typos blush

smartiejake Tue 02-Jun-09 22:06:39

Thanks wilts- glad you got your ds's problem out.
And you are right *pointy dog*- there has always been a certain amount of rivalry between the two schools although any pupil at DDs school found to be acting in this way would be very severely dealt with (they think nothing of suspending or even expulsion for bullying.)

smartiejake Wed 03-Jun-09 18:22:23

I decided to e-mail the head with a complaint but have not had a reply yet. hmm

DD has been speaking to some friends of hers in year 8 from the high school and they are pretty sure they know the name of the main instigator of the attack as she is rather distinctive in looks. DD's friends tell her that this girl is a well known bully so probably already known to the school as a trouble maker.

She didn't see them today but still had to put up with verbal abuse from another charming little bitch girl from the same school.

Now I remember why I didn't send her there.

captainpeacock Wed 03-Jun-09 19:58:53

My ds has just had a very similar situation, although the bully is a boy at his own school. We sent a letter to the school the next day, although as with your dd he was very scared of reprisals. I won't go into what the bully did to him, but it was a serious incident. The school dealt with it immediately, and were appalled at the situation. I wasn't sure if they would intervene as it wasn't on the premises. If they hadn't I would have called the police because I was not prepared to turn a blind eye to such appalling behaviour. I am of the opinion that bullies love silence and he would have been bullied again if I hadn't done anything so there was nothing to lose. The school have also told the bully that if he ever does anything like that again they will call the police. He has since seen my ds and said hi to him and, although ds has said that another boy has told him that this boy is going to beat him up when he is out of trouble, I really don't think he will. If he ever says or does anything to my ds again I will be back to the school or the police and he knows this. Silence allows bullying to thrive. If you do nothing then she will continue to be bullied anyway.
It is a terrible situation and I myself am still worried that the situation is not yet over, but I think that things would be even worse if I hadn't done anything.
I wish you very good luck with this an hope that you get the outcome that you and your ds deserve.

smartiejake Wed 03-Jun-09 23:21:54

Thanks captainpeacock- sounds like your ds has had a terrible time- hope it continues to improve.

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