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Not sure if dd1 is being bullied.

(5 Posts)
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Tue 07-Oct-08 09:37:50

She has made a fuss about about going to school the last two morning. But she has been off all last week with chicken pox and is tired this week so that's more than likely why she is fussing.

She told me not long ago that 'the naughty boy' pulls hair. A couple of days after her teacher had a word with me because a boy had pulled her hair. He says that dd1 stamped on his foot. She says he is lying because she said she would tell the teachers of him. I believe him.

The school say he does this with all the girls and that they are working with his parents to try and solve it. They wouldn't tell me his name but dd1 has.

She talks about him pulling her hair a lot and has started asking for it to be tied in specific ways so that he can't do it. When asked if he does it all the time to her she says "I told you he did it the other day" But I only know of the one incident.

The teachers are only aware that it happened once and think he doesn't bother dd1 much because she shouted at him (they heard that but didn't see her stamp on his foot) and the other girls cry so he bothers them.

The thing is dd1 seems quite upset by this and she is not a sensitive child. But what can I do if the school and parents are already working on it?

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Tue 07-Oct-08 09:46:00

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mousekin Tue 07-Oct-08 09:49:58

morning, i have had similar things with my daughter. the best way is to actually empower your child with the right attitude to protect herself , with out her being a bully. its harder said than done.
Your child needs to know that if they are picked on, that they have the right to protect themselves with out getting in trouble. if said child is mean and unkind, then your child has the right to report it and not feel like a tattle tale. By explaining to your child they are allowed to say some thing back or push that person away, helps them know they are in control of the situation.
also try to keep the situation inside school and not out. maybe ask the school to invite the other child's parents into school so you can all sit down and sort it out.
Kids can be mean, and often it may be that the mean child has problems and so takes it out on others, because that way he gets LOTS of attention.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Tue 07-Oct-08 10:04:42

hmm, I think she does that anyway. She wasn't in trouble for alledgly stamping on his foot as I think the school believed her. I don't, but, told her she wasn't in trouble for it as long as she didn't start it.

She is very outspoken which is why I'm a bit confuesd why this is upsetting her so much that she wants her hair doing different ways and makes a fuss about it, if it's only happened once.

AJ2008 Tue 21-Oct-08 21:31:58

JUst because the school say they are working on it does not mean that you can't say or do anything. Maybe they are genuinely working on it but you need to write a letter expressing your concerns to the school. There's 2 reasons for this:

1. It establishes an exact date when you strated expressing concern

2. The school have to take notice of this sort of letter because it will then go on your child's record - dont be worried by this, it could help you in the future.

The fact that your child is upset means that there is something wrong. The problem is that all children think "telling" is "snitching" but your daughter needs to understand that you cannot help her unless you know exactly what is going on. It's the same with the school - they cannot resolve a problem if they don't really know much about it. Mind you, they may know exactly what is going on but for whatever reason they may not be taking it seriously.

Your daughter may also be scared that if she "tells" then the bullying will get worse. She may beg and plead with you not to go into school to complain, but you have to steel yourself to do it.

We had hell for 3 years when my daughter was bullied, because the school did not take our concerns seriously enough when it first started so it all escalated. However, I got a lot of help from Kidscape both by reading through their website and talking to them on their freephone helpline a couple of times.

I also wrote a summary of our experience and the steps I would advise all parents to take when approaching the school. You can find it here.

It is important that you realise that eventhough you may like your child's teacher and I am sure s/he is very nice, they may not actually be the best person to sort out the problem. You don't want to find this out in 6 months time.

Good luck with it all. Bullying is horrible.

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