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Is this bullying, am I paranoid, or is it just personality?

(6 Posts)
outoftown Sat 27-Sep-08 08:12:53

I’ve had some concerns for a while about my DS’s relationship with another boy in his class. They seem very similar and to get on well at school, they’re together a lot as they’re in the same groups in class for most things. But my DS is less forthright and I’d like him to play with a wider range of children – but that said there aren’t that many boys in his class to choose from. DS has said on occasion the other one has been mean and said he won’t be his friend any more if DS won’t play with him in the playground. Do 6 year olds just say these things off the cuff – maybe I’m taking it the odd comment too much to heart. Could it be that the other child just has a more forceful personality than mine? I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not sure about the family – not my type – does that sounds awful? The other child’s mum is quite pushy about the friendship and keeps inviting him over. When is it ok to settle on a ‘best friend’? Shall I talk to her about it?

kittywise Sat 27-Sep-08 08:43:05

What I say to my children is that they should not play with people who make them miserable.

If the person they are with says nasty things etc then they should not play with them. If they continue to play with them (which they sometimes do) then they know what to expect.

It is far better that your ds helps himself and develpos the confidence early on to decide NOT to put up with unpleasant behaviour from other children. He needs to feel inside that he is worthwhile and doesn't deserve unpleasantness from others.

It does not sound like bullying (yet). Be open to letting him talk to you about it and just keep gently suggesting that he play with those who make him happy and that in no way does he have to keep playing with this child.

mrsruffallo Sat 27-Sep-08 08:55:59

I don't think it's a comment to take to heart.
Many children say things like this at this age, they can be insecure with friendships and are still learning social skills.
I would make it clear that he can play with whomever he likes, but I wouldn't discourage the friendship.
I think it is nice he has someone he likes, and it is his choice,not yours.
Maybe invite a couple of other freinds over to widen his social circle.
The mum is just looking out for her son.

Buda Sat 27-Sep-08 08:59:23

We went through something similar when DS was in Reception and Yr 1. Had been friendly with J in nursery but not best friends. Then J started not letting DS play with anyone else. Was difficult as I would ask who he wanted to play with and he would say J! I mentioned it to the teacher - there were lots of other issues with J and other children also - and she kept an eye and it gradually fizzled out.

prettyprincess Wed 15-Jun-11 15:56:44

can someone help me my child is in year 4 and nearly in yr 5 and getting bullied/ bcuz sm1s saying 2 every1, which did happen, that he saw my childs penis and my childs boxers fell down and he got sent 2 the head but it was a accident!

nasrin Thu 28-Jul-11 01:40:32

don't panic, stay calam and find out the facts from your child and the school before confronting your concerns about the incident. Also, request montioring of children in class picking on your child, as this can emtional have an impact on a child at this age. School should support you and your child. Also write down any communication with school for evidences.

Also check you childs boxers if the elastic is loss as this prove this incident is likly to be an accident.
However whatever the situation is your child should not be bullied - continue name calling is emtional abuse - school have duty to protect and safeguard every child in school - look at bulling policy for school.

all the best

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