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Is this cause for speaking to the teacher and/or parent?

(31 Posts)
dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 18:08:50

<<sigh>> same girl that gave dd a hard time a lot last year is going on about how dd's warts are horrid (she has some on her fingers, having homeopathy)

dd says it means she can't play with many people at school (this happened last year too, this girl is very influential)

I am unsure whether to say anything for the following reasons:

- dd doesn't seem desperately upset about it (but think it's more resignation)
- new teacher is so unapproachable
- have new headteacher who wasn't involved last year in this girl excluding dd

just don't know what to do - bide my time (it's parents' evening at end Oct) - speak to the girl's parents - or tell the teacher - or do nothing

I don't want to be always jumping in, but also I don't want dd being upset or left out. she's year 2, btw

MrsMattie Fri 19-Sep-08 18:11:29

With such a young child I would have a quiet word with her class teacher. This sort of thing needs to be nipped in the bud before it escalates.

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 18:15:02

MrsMattie - I just have a feeling the teacher is the sort to be totally unsympathetic

MrsMattie Fri 19-Sep-08 18:19:20

I'd approach her anyway. If you're unhappy with her response, go to the Head.

I know nobody wants to be seen as overly precious or a 'troublemaker', but it really is sensible to tackle this sort of thing before it becomes something more long term / serious. If this little girl has been bothering your DD since last year, there is obviously a problem there.

I know kids can be cruel etc etc, but if it's affecting your child's relationship with other kids (ie. they are not playing with her because of what this other little girl is saying) that really is bullying and upsetting behaviour and I think the teacher needs to be made aware of it. Perhaps then the teacher / Head could speak to the other girl's parents? I would want to know if my child was bullying another child so that i could take some steps to prevent it.

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 18:26:55

would you wait till parents' evening, MM? it's quite soon, 3 weeks-ish

MrsMattie Fri 19-Sep-08 18:29:35

No. I'd see her as soon as possible.

MasterBatesLePew Fri 19-Sep-08 18:29:56

3 weeks is a long time if a child is being bullied or excluded. Talk to the teacher. Hope it gets sorted.

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 18:36:39


dd has just said lots of them say her warts are horrid too - not really sure what the teacher can do about it

MrsMattie Fri 19-Sep-08 18:39:27

The teacher could maybe have a session with the children about accepting each other's differences? I know it's not for you to suggest how she/he plans lessons, but surely they have some sort of strategy to deal with this sort of thing?
If your child had a birthmark or a facial disfigurement or even if it was something genetic and normal like freckles or skin colour that was being picked on...what would they do then? Your little girl shouldn't have to be made to feel bad about something she can't help sad

MrsMattie Fri 19-Sep-08 18:40:13

Sorry, 'normal' sounds a bit harsh, like warts or birthmarks aren't normal...I didn't mean it like that!

TheProvincialLady Fri 19-Sep-08 18:43:17

Any decent teacher would have a lesson on disfigurements and how they aren't contagious or the person's fault etc. A friend of mine at primary school had really bad excema on her hands and no one wanted to play with her (holding hands) except me (I knew her from playschool and my mum had already told me it was nothing to worry about) until a teacher did a lesson on it and suddenly she was Miss Popular. My DH is a teacher and is always doing sessions on inclusion, getting on with others etc, and he says it really helps. Definitely approach the teacher ASAP.

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 18:49:21

yes, will go and see her on Monday

poor dd, typical she gets her fingers covered in them

think I will approach it thus to teacer -

Mrs X, dd is very self-conscious about her warts as some of the children won't play with her because of them. I am particularly concerned at child A's teasing/exclusion of dd as we had problems with child A excluding dd last year... that OK?

honestly, this teacher seems SO unnapproachable - had to see her today as dd forgot reading book and she heaped the blame on dd for not remembering

Grumpalina Fri 19-Sep-08 18:49:35

The teacher can do some sort of awareness about bullying etc. My DSs school has 'golden rules' all about not saying unkind things, being nice to people etc which is the sort of the thing the teacher can reinforce to the whole class. Maybe they can discuss warts and the fact that they are not harmful and will go away and that sort of thing. MY DS1 had molluscum on his right arm last year which was v unsightly and I was concerned about him being bullied but the kids only made comment when he had to put oil on it to get rid of it. I told him at the time if anyone said anything about it he could explain what it was and that he'd got something to get rid of it. He was fine and a few kids did ask but maybe there wasn't anyone as unkind as this girl in his class.

I would go and mention it to the teacher as soon as you can.

Grumpalina Fri 19-Sep-08 18:51:18

Sorry x posted but everyone else seems to have the same idea!!!

MasterBatesLePew Fri 19-Sep-08 18:52:18

My DDs new teacher was a bit unapproachable and liked to be right. I wore her down grin

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 19:00:26

yes, will ask to see her Monday

AbbeyA Fri 19-Sep-08 19:17:19

I should go and have a quiet word with the teacher, you may find she is more sympathetic than you think. I don't think that is something you want to leave.

AbbeyA Fri 19-Sep-08 19:17:20

I should go and have a quiet word with the teacher, you may find she is more sympathetic than you think. I don't think that is something you want to leave.

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 19:17:56

Abbey, and put it how, do you think?

AbbeyA Fri 19-Sep-08 19:43:18

I should ask to have a quiet word. Say that you don't want to fuss but you find it upsetting that your dd is resigned to having no friends because of her warts and she shouldn't feel this way at 6yrs old. Ask her if she can help in any way.
I think that you have to work from what she says. A lot of schools have golden rules which usually include not being unkind to each other. I agree with other people that she could do a lesson on it. I would be inclined to let your dd explain the warts and the treatment, you would probably find that children would be protective if it was explained to them. I had a boy with a medical problem who was having to follow a strict diet, his father came into talk about it and the children were very interested, asked lots of questions and were very supportive.
Sometimes teachers can seem unapproachable but are actually quite different. My middle DS has a very off putting teacher in yr 3, she was very abrupt the first time I met her, but she turned out to be his best teacher in primary.
Good luck-hope it goes well.

pointydog Fri 19-Sep-08 19:50:33

Speak to her teacher.

DO NOT speak to teh girl's parents.

dinny Fri 19-Sep-08 19:52:52

thanks Abbey - I will speak to her on Monday, can't just leave it

PD - I won't, but why not?

AbbeyA Fri 19-Sep-08 19:55:17

Never wise to speak to the parents-they are likely to be defensive of their DD and you may open a can of worms!

pointydog Fri 19-Sep-08 19:56:10

Probably the worst thing you could do. It would not go down well, regardless of what you thought the mother's response was, and will not help to sort anything.

Def speak to teh teacher as soon as possible. She should try to improve things in a low key way when she's aware of the situation.

MasterBatesLePew Fri 19-Sep-08 19:59:59

I spoke to a parent of a girl who had stopped being DDs friend and started to bully her, so I had met the mum before. I'll just say it was good it was a phone call or I would have decked her. It was all 'my DD does nothing wrong it's all your Dd. Everyone hates her/the teacher hates her/she has no friends she smells (WTF?)/she boasts/she's sneaky/my DD tries to put up with her/your DD screams at my DD and she has to dig her nails into the palm of her hand to bear hearing her voice'... and on and on shock. I told the Teacher this and she was actually speechless with shock, she said the other parent had just described her own DD . grin

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