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hfa ds8 has no friends and being bullied

(8 Posts)
Worrieddad72 Mon 10-Feb-20 17:22:59

Hi everyone, regular poster but have namechanged for this.

I’m having a worrying time with my ds8 who is not making friends at his new school. He was diagnosed hfa very early (aged around 3) and although he’s very bright, cheerful and cheeky, has failed to gel and make friends at his new school.

Quick backstory- I’m his dad and me and my ex split 2 years ago. He moved from a much larger primary at the end of yr1, it was much more diverse in terms of nationality and class. He seemed happy there and had a couple of friends he knew fairly well. His new school is in a quite idyllic village but it’s much smaller and less diverse. My ex works there as a TA (not in his class though) so is able to observe this quite closely.

Me and my ex have a good co parenting relationship and ds has around 60:30 time so he see a lot of me as well as his dm.

At break time he is not mixing at all. He tends to spend all his time talking to himself and playing repetitively which makes him a magnet for bullies and indeed they are starting to pick on him. It seems incidents are happening more and more often, and although the school are doing what they can, he seems to be the perfect target to be made fun of.

This doesn’t seem to be affecting his moods as such, but I worry he’s just burying things. I’ve tried to talk to him about making friends but it’s obvious he suffers from not being able to read social cues in a nt way.

Have any others experienced similar, and if so what could you suggest? I’m worried that the lack of social interaction will be damaging in the long term.

MocholateMousse Mon 10-Feb-20 17:24:52

What is the school doing to support him? Does he have an EHCP?

GreenTulips Mon 10-Feb-20 17:25:12

Have school suggested any social clubs for him? Maybe in small groups at break times?

Lostintransfixation Mon 10-Feb-20 17:30:26

How comfortable is he with play times? Perhaps school could organise a couple of older students to act as play leaders to run a couple of structured games to include ds each lunchtime? I would also take him to football coaching. It's a great levelled. He won't have to rely on discussing things as much and he'll have a clear role. Not the answer but it might help, particularly as he gets older.

Lostintransfixation Mon 10-Feb-20 17:30:58


Worrieddad72 Mon 10-Feb-20 17:33:56

I believe he has some support in class- it’s not one on one but the school are aware he is ASD.

In terms of clubs- no nothing has been recommended although he was urged to pair-up with a new boy in the year below- my ds wasn’t interested tbh. That seems to be half the problem- he doesn’t seem interested in playing in a group, although at soft play he often joins a groups of boys to play it/h+s etc.

Thanks for your replies

Worrieddad72 Mon 10-Feb-20 17:36:27

Thanks @Lostintransfixation that’s a good idea but he is very un-physical. Absolutely hates football, doesn’t like sport in general and has only just learnt to bike ride aged 8. He’s very into computers though.

XelaM Mon 24-Feb-20 00:06:22

How about performing arts? Theatre groups? It might increase his confidence and provide social interaction. I'd say try to involve him in clubs outside of school to get him to interact socially with other kids and make friends outside of school. But ask the school to continue to monitor the bullying in case it grows.

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