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12yo DD threatened at school.

(11 Posts)
OneBigMother Sat 02-Nov-19 09:15:23

12yo DD started High School this year. She has a great group of friends and is doing well academically.
She met a girl in her year, who at first she thought was nice, but then some minor drama happened and this girl and her friends started saying things to DD. Commenting on her size, looks and etc.
DD told me about this but said she was ignoring it and I didn't need to speak to the school.
It got a bit more intense when this girl started saying she was going to beat up DD, but DD said she would be safe in school and would be with friends so I wasn’t to worry. Then the girl and her friends started following DD around the school.
I looked at DD’s phone (which I do weekly) and it seems she and the girl have been exchanging voice messages. The girl is full of abusive language and externally violent threats. Dd unfortunately has been a bit goady but is mainly saying she doesn’t want to fight and to leave her alone. Both of them have friends in the background egging things on.
The girl has said that she and her friends will “jump” DD on Monday.
I’ve recorded all the messages and I want to send them the the community police officer. Violent threats over social media are a crime.
But DD doesn’t want me to. She also doesn’t want me to go to the school.
I don’t think I have a choice. But DD will hate me if I do.
Has anyone been through similar, what should I do?

OneBigMother Sat 02-Nov-19 09:37:54


2020bump Sun 03-Nov-19 10:21:02

Sorry this is happening I'd keep her off school on Monday. I'd then look to chat to her to try and de escalate this sort of thing cos in my experience threats like this aren't normally carried out. If you feel going to police is the right thing then you must go. In your position give your daughter plenty of emotions support and explain that these things now don't amount to anything and seem trivial later on. A school move MAY be worth thinking about for fresh start

XelaM Wed 13-Nov-19 11:34:48

Most threats aren't carried out, but some ARE. I would definitely go to both the school and the police. Unfortunately, this might make the girl even more aggressive! But it can't be allowed to just carry on. Things like that are so scary sad

mcmen05 Fri 22-Nov-19 11:13:39

How have things been for your dd.
This happened my dd in y11 age 15 and the girl did attack my dd at school got her friend to video it and posted it on social media.
The girl only got suspened for a week and allow back in school to continue like nothing happened.
The school where useless, I said I would get police involved and Principal was so rude said it was the company my dd was keeping got her into this argument.

Blubell46 Mon 25-Nov-19 17:38:13


I would advise you speak to the school confidentially. Email her tutor and and request to see her without he child knowing.

Address the situation with her form tutor and ask her to speak to the other teachers so they are aware of the situation.

Sometimes the head of year can get involved and they have a lot more experiences in these matters and ideas as to how to deal with these situations without children knowing that the parents have informed the school.

I would tell the school first , because you don't want to be in a situation whereby they say they were never aware of it.

Blubell46 Mon 25-Nov-19 17:40:00

Sorry me again, please check the school's bullying policy, they may have it on their website

Yolande7 Fri 13-Dec-19 01:32:18

Also check their safe guarding policy. The behaviour is totally unacceptable and needs to be stopped. Most likely it will not stop by itself. I would start with the form tutor and safeguarding officer, so you can escalate if needed. Make sure you always document conversations etc. Schools absolutely hate it if police gets involved, so I would keep that until last, otherwise you have shot your strongest bullet. School should take it up with those girls and say they have seen what is happening on CCTV, so your daughter is not considered a snitch.

Have a look here for more info:

Jamjarcandlestick Fri 13-Dec-19 01:46:40

Don’t do it behind your daughter’s back as she’ll never feel like she can trust you again.

Have a look at girl’s on board.

If your daughter has been a bit goady she may not be 100% innocent - is that why she doesn’t want the school to get involved.

If anything confiscate her phone/social media. She shouldn’t be sending voice messages like that. If there’s other girls involved it sounds a lot like someone is battling for power.

Most girls who are bullied have SEN, confidence issues and rarely have other friends or at least people sticking up for them. Most other times when girls have issues with other girls it’s a power issue.

As hurtful these comments are for your daughter try to explain that the other girl is probably jealous and insecure (you’ve probably had the chat but something good to reinforce).

Listen to your daughter. Has she said why she doesn’t want the school involved.

Honeybee85 Fri 13-Dec-19 01:50:59

Report to the school and the police.
Sounds like it’s escalating.
Maybe your DD is trying to minimize it because she hopes it will go away on it’s own but it sounds like it’s getting only worse.

sharonthomas Mon 16-Dec-19 19:19:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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