Don't know how to support dad

[babyblackbird]

Dd just started yr 10. Thoroughly happy year 9 - no issues. She moved from a prep school to the upper school in the same school. She only joined the prep school in year 7 so relatively new in social circles but v happy. Year 9 was a big shake up of children with lots of new children joining , but all good.

She was in a tight friendship group of mainly 3 with others as part of a larger group. Overnight since starting back in Sept she has been totally and utterly shunned by one of her best friends in the group of 3. This girl seems to have also influenced all others around her to shun her too so that she now spends most of her day alone or if she does manage to catch up with the others around the school she is made to feel so uncomfortable that she is thoroughly miserable.

She has tried speaking to girl concerned to be told there is no issue. I have raised issue with school who are " keen to nip it in the bud" and had noticed she was no longer her with her usual friends. School spoken to my dd and the ringleader today. Ringleader has said she had no idea dd felt like this ( bollocks) and would speak to dd. Dd texted girl tonight to suggest clearing the air and was met with silence.

What upsets me most is that all her other "friends" are also shunning her, even a girl we took on holiday with us this summer.

I don't know what to advise dd. Obviously her so called " friends" are not sticking up for her - she thinks this is because they are intimidated by girl and worry they may be next. One girl in the same house as my dd left late last term and I am now wondering if she was the victim of the same treatment.

It has brought me to tears tonight because I just don't know what to say to her or how to help.

Has anyone got any words of wisdom. I've done all the sympathy - you need to surround yourself with kind people etc but it's easy saying these things but in reality what does she do or does she just have to learn not to give a shit ? Sorry wittering now because so upset for her.

[babyblackbird]

Sorry title should be dd 🥺

[sheknowsyouknow]

All I can say is that we are in exactly the same boat. We also took one of my DC’s good friends out on a very special family occasion recently and DC has had it all thrown back in their face.

There’s usually a ringleader who calls the shots and even if the others don’t want to admit it, they tow the line.

What’s really sad is when not one of the group stands up for your child. It’s bullying and I hope they realise this at some point.

I’d show the text (or lack of) to the school as further evidence of your dad being ostracised.
I’m afraid not all parents are on the case and checking their kids’ phones as they should do at this age.

It’s been very hard here at home dealing with the fallout of such nasty behaviour so I totally empathise and congratulate you for being a good mum x

[sheknowsyouknow]

*dd not dad!