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DD aged 6 being inappropriately touched by boys.

(21 Posts)
MissPollyHadADolly19 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:40:38

My DD has 2 boys in her class who repeatedly touch and slap her bum. She's told the teacher twice but now says she doesn't want to tell them anymore as she doesn't think they listen to hersad I know I sound abit dim when I ask this but how do I approach this with her teacher? She's only been at this school a couple of months and I've never had to deal with a bullying issue before.

JellyBellies Tue 19-Mar-19 20:42:30

Wow, I would not be happy with that! I think you should speak to the teacher yourself and make it clear that this is a serious issue.

SexNotJenga Tue 19-Mar-19 20:43:32

Ask for a meeting. Tell the teacher what has been alleged and that the behaviour is continuing. Ask what the teacher will do to keep your dd safe.

SexNotJenga Tue 19-Mar-19 20:43:52

And write everything down.

hopeful31yrs Tue 19-Mar-19 20:45:05

This is a safeguarding issue. The boys may be experiencing similar as they've learnt it from elsewhere. Teachers should treat this as a red flag

Soontobe60 Tue 19-Mar-19 20:48:48

If you have spoken to the teacher already and it has co tinued, speak to the Safeguarding lead, ask school who the DSL is.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Tue 19-Mar-19 20:50:39

Yes request an immediate meeting with the teacher on safeguarding grounds. Make sure you mention the word safeguarding. Teachers don’t like it. This is not on and the teacher needs to take your concerns a bit more seriously.

AuditAngel Tue 19-Mar-19 20:56:04

Definitely use safeguarding in the request. When DS was being bullied, nothing happened until I pointed out the school were failing in their duty of care to protect my child.

I recently had an issue that was making DD2 miserable at school. Low level bullying, name calling etc. She had put up with it for months, not told me about it. When another child was so upset they told their mum what was happening, th3 teacher dealt with it immediately.

I also said “we wouldn’t put up with someone doing this to us, so why should DD2 put up with it?”

MissPollyHadADolly19 Tue 19-Mar-19 21:41:46

I will be asking about the DSL in the morning and for a meeting. In DDs previous school she loved going, hated being off poorly or when it was the holidays but since starting here it was ok for the first month then it's a case of in the mornings "oh mummy do I have to go, can I just stay with you all day" etc which is so unsual for her. I feel so bad for her because as soon as she's through the classroom door I know my hands are tied on how much I can protect her sad I don't want her to start hating school because of this, she's only in year 1 so she's still got alot of years left!

Rainatnight Tue 19-Mar-19 21:47:19

Do you want us to help you with an email? This has GOT to be stopped.

The PP who said we wouldn't tolerate it is absolutely right. No one expects to go to their workplace to have their bum slapped so why does anyone think it's ok for a kid?

rosablue Tue 19-Mar-19 22:21:14

I would say that it’s a repeated failure to safeguard your ds if she has reported it twice and nothing has been resolved. If there’s one thing they hate more than safeguarding it’s a repeated failure to safeguard!

I would also point out that although your dd might not have used the actual word safeguarding, when a 6yr old describes what she has, particularly happening repeatedly, then it is definitely a double failure if the teacher fails to flag it up as such.

MissPollyHadADolly19 Wed 20-Mar-19 08:39:18

I'm going to speak to DDs teacher this morning and see if a meeting can be arranged, but if they're non-compliant then yes @rainatnight that would be fantastic if you could.
@Rosablue DD has spoke to her teacher twice, both times nothing has been resolved so I'm going to mention it's a repeated safeguarding failure. They can't be taking it too seriously if they're letting it carry on, I'm assuming they're going to go down the route of "if we don't see it then it's one child's word against another" angry

MissPollyHadADolly19 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:10:58

Just an update - spoke to her teacher this afternoon went in all guns blazing, said this matter hasn't been resolved and I want to speak to the DSL. Actually transpires my DD hasn't even told the teacher what's been going on, despite me asking her to make sure she always tells an adult etc.
So obviously the teacher was confused and a little taken aback by my approach as all the other parents were there collecting their DCblush and could hear my outrage. Long story short, me and DD had a talk and she feels too scared to tell a teacher, never had a problem in her previous school and her only reason is because she shouts too much. When I asked her why she lied to me, her response was "because I know I should of listened to you" feel abit powerless right now. Dont know where to go from here as I don't want it to carry on but also need DD to be confident enough to tell a teacher if something happens.

Mookie81 Wed 20-Mar-19 20:17:02

Apologising to the teacher for going off at her in front of the other parents is called for.

rosablue Wed 20-Mar-19 22:15:53

Eek. That’s awkward. Agree that an apology is called for.
But - and it’s a big but - as you say it’s really really worrying that she is so scared of her teacher and finds her so unapproachable that she feels she is better off lying to you about something she is really worried about than talking to the teacher to get it sorted.

First thing for me would be to find out if there are any teachers or other staff at the school she does feel safe and comfy talking to so that if anything happens then she has a safe adult to turn to for help.

Closely followed by deciding whether to talk to all/one/some of the teacher, head of year, head teacher/safeguarding lead about the issues your dd is having both with the boys and her teacher.

Poor her, not being able to get her teacher to deal with this must have compounded a bad situation to make it so much worse.

staydazzling Wed 20-Mar-19 22:20:52

Children dont often fully understand why or what is inappropriate touching especially as young as 6, i would have a detailed convo with the teacher that its continued. but i think its important also not to criminalise children that young.

MissPollyHadADolly19 Thu 21-Mar-19 19:49:29

Her teacher wasn't actually in this morning for me to speak to but I will apologise as early as possible. blush Problem is, one of the boys kicked her today because she wouldn't do a handstand infront of him, there seems to be something really untoward about this child and I'm starting to really worry for DD. She doesn't have a problem with telling the dinner lady and as this was at playtime she was able to tell her it's only her teacher she's scared of. I feel so guilty on one hand for being so assertive but at the same time I don't want my DD to be scared of the adult who is in charge of keeping her safe! I disagree with not knowing about inappropriate touching at that age, I don't know many kids over the age of 3 that feel like touching/slapping bums is ok, unless of course they've not been told that it's wrong or have some underlying issues in their home life. Whatever the reason is, it's wrong regardless and needs to be dealt with.

staydazzling Thu 21-Mar-19 20:54:35

A lot of children are very tactile though some more than others, and need to be told, but in an age appropriate way, I agree the handstand sounds concerning though.

Rainbowknickers Fri 05-Apr-19 14:14:20

I had this once with my dd she’d gone to school one morning and the school rang just after lunch saying she’d belted a lad ‘for no reason’ I ran to the school but the (bitch) teacher wouldn’t let me speak to her in private-it came out that the lad had squeezed her between her legs so she punched him-the teacher was squealing about phoning the police-I told her that I’d save her the bother and do it myself oddly she wasn’t that keen and asked me to leave it as ‘she would deal with it’ like hell-I rang them and they where fantastic I’d try speaking to a teacher then take it further if you need to (this was years ago and I’m still oddly proud of her for not putting up with it-and normally I don’t condone violence) good luck op xxx

lynseyjh123 Fri 05-Apr-19 14:23:32

Rainbowknickers Good for your daughter - That's exactly how I have taught my own girl to deal with inappropriate touching. x

Rainbowknickers Fri 05-Apr-19 22:32:26

It was the teacher that really got me-‘s has done wrong nobody else has done anything’ while my daughter sat near tears trying to explain what had happened only to be hushed up by this woman thankfully I’m made of stronger stuff and got it out of dd what had happened I don’t condone any violence at all but she did do the right thing and I’d let her do it again in a heartbeat xxx

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