My 10yr old cut her unibrow because her “friends” made fun

[MomRose12]

I’m deeply upset and I don’t know what to do. DD (10yrs) cut her unibrow with scissors and kept lying to me saying nothing happened. I was mad at her and she confessed.

I’m home educating DD this year (y6) as I’m on a career break. There was a LOT of girl drama going on in school anyway. She said she’d rather study at home with me. I let her stay in touch with her school “friends” via google hangouts.

There were several instances where she was blamed for something she didn’t do, girls in the group spreading lies about her in school etc so I told her to stay away from them. She however continued to be on google chat with the girls. They’ve made fun of my DD’s unibrow and she cut it! She also cut some bits of her eyebrows (slightly bruised skin there). Her unibrow is very special. It was the first thing I noticed when I saw her the first time. Although her eyebrows are a bit thick, they are gorgeous.

I’m up crying at this hour. I don’t know what to do. Please can someone help ?

[2ellenor2]

I don’t think it’s that bad
I shaved my legs at that age because my sister used to make fun of them being hairy and tried to pull the hairs out herself

[jessstan2]

It's an unfortunate fact that kids pick on each other for the slightest thing, especially appearance.

A pity she didn't pluck instead of cut. It would be more even and she could see how the job was going. The best thing would be to have the hairy bit in the middle of her browns permanently removed.

I don't know what you are so upset about, op. It's her body! I've never come across a girl who wanted a unibrow. I plucked all the hairs out from between my eyebrows at her age and they didn't grow back, thankfully.

2ellenor2, I started shaving my legs when I was about ten too. Hated and still hate the look of hairy legs, much nicer to be smooth.

[Sashkin]

Her unibrow is very special. It was the first thing I noticed when I saw her the first time

I can see why it is special to you. I imagine it was very cute when she was a little baby. But as she grows up she probably won’t feel the same, and will want to wax it away.

I would talk to her, and find out if she actually dislikes it herself, or if she just feels bad because her friends were being mean about it. She shouldn’t change to placate bullies (they will it’s find something else to pick in), but equally it isn’t fair to make her live with an easily-changed feature that she hates, just because you think it’s cute. There aren’t many adult women who would actively want a unibrow.

[WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue]

It’s her body. Nobody wants a unibrow, or even thick eyebrows.

I think the fact you got mad at her is exactly the reason why she cut it herself with scissors instead of asking you for help and fixing the problem in a sensible manner.

[roundthehorn]

Probably time to take her to a salon for a brow wax. My (then)11 year old daughter shaved her monobrow (and cut herself) so I took her to a local salon and she had a very minimal brow shaping, think a mid brow tidy and over the past years - she's 21 now - has continued to keep her strong brow but a little more refined.
I know you love her monobrow but she is obviously self conscious about it and it's better to help her deal with it in controlled way rather than getting mad at her. Speak to the salon before you go and explain that you only want a break created in her brow, not a full on re-shaping and then when you go in let your daughter tell the beauty therapist what she wants doing.
It's hard seeing them grow up and be unhappy with their appearance when in your own eyes they are perfect, but it's a simple solution to a simple problem.

[blackcat86]

She is becoming a pre-teen and more self conscious. It may be a special feature to you but it is not considered socially attractive. Have you spoken to DD about options for managing or removing the unwanted hair? It may be better to have her see someone to get her eyebrows taken care of properly than have her hack at them herself. However the girls may also pick on something else next so it would be worthwhile supporting DD to make new friends through hobbies or home ed groups and build up her self esteem.

[Buntybearbess]

Maybe take her to get it done properly and make it more about the lying about it, when if she'd talked to you you'd of helped rather than have it be about her unibrow as a thing. It's crap that people judge and tease based on appearance but use it as a bonding time/reinforcing thing that your there to help and support her.

[MomRose12]

Thanks all. DD never disliked her eyebrows or anything. She cut them only because others made fun of it. She has brown skin (mixed race), what am I going to do with her skin next when “friends” don’t like it?? Get her skin lightening??

I was not mad at her for cutting it. It was for lies.

[FortunesFave]

Dear God. My ten year old asked me to pluck the hairs in the middle of her brows so I did! Don't be so precious. It's not ideal that she's been made fun of but it's not to be compared to skin lightening!

[WereYouHareWhenIWasFox]

You need to support your daughter and listen to her feelings, rather than whip up all this extra drama.

[ChristmasArmadillo]

My DD has a pretty intense unibrow. As soon as she expresses dislike of it I’m going to take her to have it professionally waxed. As a child my parents didn’t allow me to remove body hair that I was deeply uncomfortable about and I really resented it and ended up shaving off my eyebrows because nobody would help me do it correctly.

It’s really not comparable to lightening her skin. 🤨

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

It's entirely up to her whether or not she wants to groom her eyebrows and she should do/leave it as SHE wishes, without pressure from anybody else.

It sounds like she needs some actual proper friends, though. Yes, she needs to learn that she mustn't tell lies - especially to you - but she needs reassurance from you that YOU love her regardless, however mean (and pathetic) some of her peers can be.

If she's upset about any kind of bullying, she must promise to tell you about it and you must promise in return to listen and never get angry with her for how she feels. You're her advocate and there to help and not judge her, and she should know that she can always be honest with you - which is not to say you won't ever be cross with her for what she sometimes decides to do.

[WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue]

You can’t seriously be comparing a major beauty faux pas (unibrow) with skin lightening?

Don’t be so dramatic. Your daughter would have come to the realisation at some point that a unibrow is not something anyone wants.

[MomRose12]

I will support my daughter. If she didn’t like her thick eyebrows and wanted a tidy up - no issues. She is changing her appearance to please someone else! Who decides what’s cool and what isn’t??

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

Take the poor girl to get it waxed , i did for my daughter, her confidence is far greater.

[jessstan2]

Well the op has explained she was upset that her daughter lied to her more than her actually cutting her brow. It will blow over.

I doubt she'll be teased about skin colouring - unwanted hairy bits are more the usual targets. Girls tend to admire and sometimes even envy beautiful bi-racial looks. When you see people on TV like Nicole Schlesinger and Vick Hope, it's not hard to see why!

[Justagirlwholovesaboy]

I got teased for a monobrow, I was allowed to “pluck” at 16. Bullying ended. I blamed my parents for not letting me deal with it before

[thegreatbeyond]

You need to not 'get mad at her', just help her. If she wants to change it, let her.

I used to be so embarrassed that I wasn't allowed to do this stuff.

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

@MomRose12 . You are hard work & will make your daughters life very miserable if you continue in this vain.

Think about what is in her best interests.

Not your own principles.

[MomRose12]

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll : absolutely agree with you. I had that conversation with DD. I will help her sort this unibrow thing, but I’m sad we are doing it because someone made fun of it and not because she wants it. I really don’t want to teach her that we must just change what others don’t like about us.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I do agree with others, though, that what you've always found cute and endearing in your little girl might not always remain something that your growing child/teenager/young woman will decide she wants to leave unchanged - and she might not always want to discuss changes that she decides to make, which in the case of plucking eyebrows or things of a similar magnitude, is fine and normal, as long as SHE has chosen to do it because SHE wants to.

[MomRose12]

Ok ladies, I give in.

Are you sure I should get her eyebrows shaped? At 10??

[MomRose12]

“ as long as SHE has chosen to do it because SHE wants to”

Exactly !

[thegreatbeyond]

Maybe not 'shaped' (ask her) but you could at least have something done about whatever she is upset about.

Seriously, I'm 40 and wasn't allowed to cut my hair. I have never forgotten the bullying words.

[Italiangreyhound]

Please help her find a way to deal with this that suits her. I got roasted on here a couple of years ago for complaining my dd wanted to shave her legs. In the end she did with my help and I did too!

MomRose12

"Are you sure I should get her eyebrows shaped? At 10??"

I'd look at the options with her and let her choose. My dd was about 12 with the leg shaving thing and it saddened me but in the end she had to make her own choice. Yes, 10 is young but it matters to her, it matter to her, and you may just not be able to change it.