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Is 4yo son's best friend behaviour acceptable?

(5 Posts)
Butterflies1418 Fri 11-Jan-19 12:23:50

Looking for advice, son started school in sept, struck up a friendship with a boy he adores and calls his best friend. His friend threatened for 4 months 'if you don't ... you wont come to my party' to the extent if he didnt say goodbye one day in park! We always say goodbye! His birthday has gone & no party took place.

He tells my son he's better at things than him, his toys are better (it's the same character from same cartoon!), he's stronger, faster, the list is endless.

There has also been an incident outside school where child continually pushed my sons toy off swing, my son was very distressed & close to getting hit with swing when picking up his toy, parent watched & didnt say anything, so I stepped in to tell him to stop, it's unkind, how would you feel if that was your toy. He picks and chooses who he plays with & leaves my son to play on his own. He wont share toys in class. My son acknowledges his friends behaviour makes him sad & angry but he still adores him!

Is this typical behaviour or is this unacceptable? Sorry for the long post! Thank you.

Purpleboy Fri 11-Jan-19 14:41:04

Sorry your son is dealing with this, it sounds like it boils down to shitty parenting on their part by allowing their child to behave this way and not deal with the behaviour In the park etc.. I hate this kind of ignorant parenting leaving you to deal with a situation that is ultimately down to their DC!
I would gently encourage your son to make new friends at school, try to minimise any contact between them outside of school. You can't change the parents attitude and chances are this child's behaviour will just get worse. My nephew is exactly the same and SIL is useless in discipling him so we have conversations with DD about how his behaviour is not kind and nice, so she understands this is not the way to behave to others. Difficult when they are at school together but making new friends might help him understand what a respectful friendship can be like. They are only 4 and things like this will happen but you can help your sin understand how to cope with it better, when the "I'm better that you" comes up your son could reply "it's not a competition, my DD regular says this to her cousin and he has now stopped doing it as much as he doesn't have the power to put her down and make himself feel superior!

Butterflies1418 Sat 12-Jan-19 10:00:55

Thank you so much for your reply & advice. We are trying with new friends & school is subtly supporting this. I've tried explaining friendship to my son but because he can't see it working like nuts & bolts he's not interested! Hoping his behaviour changes or my son makes new friends. At the moment I think not being friends will cause too much upset but we acknowledge his behaviour is wrong. It's just so tough! Thank you for response & assuring me my instincts are right!

KateGrey Sat 12-Jan-19 10:05:07

You’re always going to sadly get kids whose behaviour isn’t brilliant. Main thing is to teach your son. To instil in him that behaviour is wrong so as he gets older he can chose better friendships. My dd is 9 and has autism and teamed up with a nightmare child. And we had to keep talking to her about good and bad behaviour to enable her to make the right choices. Hopefully your son will soon move onto others or his behaviour improves.

mustdrinkwaternotwine Sat 12-Jan-19 13:46:46

There are always going to be children - and adults - like this. It is good that you and the school are aware of it. I think all you can do is look out for your son and encourage friendships elsewhere.
DD is 9 and has a friend like this. They were at nursery from the age of 1 and it has always been like this. It is only recently that DD has understood what I have been saying (that by always being at the friends beck & call, she is putting the friend in a position of power) and is keeping her distance. The friend is beginning to notice. Initially, this made things worse as she was more horrible to DD but that died out quite quickly as it seems other children (and the teachers) are cottoning on to her behaviour and no longer do exactly what she tells them. I'm not sure the friend knows what to do now! As I said though, it's only now in Yr4 that DD has the confidence and maturity to begin to address this. There has been much upset over the years and it isn't over yet!

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