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Is telling DD not to play with this group the right thing to do?

(3 Posts)
SleepPerChanceToDream Sun 14-Oct-18 11:15:54

My DD (7 years old) has a small group of friends who, on the whole get on really well, however there is one girl in the group who has continued to be mean to DD for the last 2 years. The girl is bossy and controlling and seems to get obsessions with each of the girls at one point or another. When she is in one of these possessive moods, she cannot stand my DD talking, playing or even standing near her friends and physically puts herself between DD and the other children. She has told DD that she doesn’t want her playing with the other girls in the group and that she wishes she’d just go away and play with other people. The other girls in the group also get frustrated and fed up of this girl sometimes but when they try to play separately she will follow them and tell her big sister that they are being mean to her.

That’s another issue - the big sister “confronting” the other girls and warning them not to be mean to her sister. They are not being mean, the simply don’t want to be bossed around and controlled. Some of us mums have also had the girls mother confront us about our DD’s upsetting her child - she has acknowledged that her daughter gets very possessive of her friends and knows thats an issue, and it’s always transpired that them “being mean” is when they stand up for themselves against this girl and refuse to do what she wants. I spoke to the teacher last year and it seemed to settle down a bit but since they’ve gone back in September it’s happening again. I’ve told DD to ignore her, to play with some other children or to tell the teacher is anything upsetting happens.

There was another incident on Friday, and I have just had enough. I’ve told DD that she is not to play with that group of friends anymore. I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do, as in a way it’s giving this child exactly what she wants - to force my DD out of the group, but I cannot stand my DD dealing with this every couple of days and I don’t know how else to deal with it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Butterflies1418 Fri 11-Jan-19 11:41:28

Have you discussed with the school? An initial discussion of behaviour and an action by school may be helpful. I think at our school they aim to have circle time or class discussions to discuss different behaviour and how it makes others feel. There are then additional steps if this doesnt work.

It may well be that the child is acting out of low self esteem or something, she's worried about being left out or not having friends? She may benefit from a 1-1 chat with teacher or counsellor? Good luck.

Purpleboy Fri 11-Jan-19 14:46:21

I think you need to back to the school and have a chat with them, it's not acceptable behaviour and is a form of bullying not to just your DD but the others too from the sounds of it. The more she is allowed to get away with the more controlling she will become. Talk to the school and nip it in the bud while you can, don't think the long term answer is not letting her play with her friends this will just cause her more upset trying to from new friendships. On the other hand maybe a new group of friend would be better for her?

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