Son being Gaslighted by so-called friend(4 Posts)
I'm just after some advice from fellow parents, I guess. My son is our only child. Age 11. Started Secondary School in September. Goody two shoes. Top student. Very sporty. Extremely popular. However, he has a 'friend' who is at the same Secondary School, and went to the same. Primary school for 3 years. They get on well 85% of the time. However, this other boy is constantly making snide, sarcastic comments to my son, and apparently trying to 'roast him' in front of my sons other friends all the time. Eventually, my son snaps and - lo & behold - the one who engineers the fallout runs home to mummy and pretends to be faultless and whinges about things my son has said or done after constant baiting and torment. My gut instinct tells me that this other boy is extremely jealous of my son, and that could be the driving force behind his behaviour. This other boy didn't get picked for the football and cross country team. Hasn't made a single new friend at Secondary School, and has been put into lower sets for Maths, Science and English (based on Sat's). Anyway, I noticed yesterday that his mother had texted me 10 days ago. I didn't notice before as it went into a default file for unknown numbers on my phone. She said her son hates Secondary School and is tearful and anxious everyday. He has failed to make friends and finds it stressful with the new level of responsibility. However, she then went on about my sons words and actions towards her son. I didn't and won't respond. However, I'm thinking of bringing up to my sons form tutor at a parents evening next week. What this mum doesn't realise is that her son is a gaslighter who continually makes vile remarks and is passive aggressive to my son until he gets a negative reaction and makes my son seem like the villain. I have seen some disgusting stuff that he has written on my sons Instagram and YouTube accounts which I screenshot before deleting them and showing my son how to block people on social media. I've also heard the way he speaks to my son on the phone, so I know my son is continually being provoked. My husband thinks emotional abuse is worse than physical and that kids who manipulate and engineer situations like this are dangerous. Our plan of action is to broach with school to make them away incase the other mother ever tries to paint my son in a negative light. My husband also thinks he should cut all contact with this child. But difficult when they are in same form room and many shared lessons. This boy also latches on to my son and his new friends. Not sure what to do for the best. Any advice welcome.
Ask for your son to not be in the same form next year if possible. If that's not possible, help your son to deal with this.
Speaking to the form tutor is a good idea yes....emails are also good. DId you screenshot the bad stuff from Instagram?
Yes, I've screenshot all the stuff from Instagram & YouTube. I only permitted him to have any form of social media a few months ago. He certainly isn't allowed on FB or Twitter. I have taught him how to delete comments and to block people now. The secondary school he attends is quite small (700 pupils including Sixth Form). It is quite hard to escape people. I had a chat with my son last night, and explained that he will encounter these emotional manipulators all the way through life, and it's incredibly important not to give them the negative reaction they crave. I told him to laugh and walk off next time he starts the nonsense. I sort of agree with my husband that he should ghost this boy, but feel he would probably be depicted as the villain of the piece yet again. These psychological game players are utterly vile. If they do this at school, how on earth will they behave as adults?!
Well I have to say that I agree with your DH to a point. Inform the school in a meeting WITH the screenshots...also send them via email to create a paper trail.
Let school know you've told your son he's not to talk to this child so if the boy wants to complain about it, they will know why.
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