To contact school or not

[HelloKitty1234]

14 year old DD was previously in a friendship group of five. Several weeks ago 3 of them started to ostracise DD and the other girl in the group but they refused to tell them why. We eventually asked school if they could try and get to the bottom of what was going on. They established that a minor incident in PE had caused them to ignore DD and other girl. They have continued to ignore DD and friend, but dd and friend have been ok and just got on with things.

However today the ringleader stole dd's tie in PE and threw it across the changing room with the result it couldn't be found. One of other girls told dd what ringleader did. PE teacher had to give dd spare one from lost property.

DD had a word with ringleader who offered to bring in money for new one.

Question is should I contact school? Dd feels that she has dealt with it and would rather I didn't. I am worried that the horrible behaviour from other girls is getting worse.

WWYD?

[BlackBeltInChildWrangling]

Hi OP. It sounds to me like your DD has dealt with it and dealt with it well. Generally speaking, I find as they get older it's about our supporting the DCs to deal with it rather than rushing in to take over. The exception being anything serious, or if the DC wasn't coping reasonably well.

I would leave it this time, but keep chatting with your DD about how things are going. It's good that she's got a friend, and your support at home too.

[HelloKitty1234]

Thank you Blackwell for your sensible advice. I am fighting this overwhelming urge to "Do something ". I am actually annoyed with myself as me getting worked up won't help I know.

[BlackBeltInChildWrangling]

Most of us have been there, OP - you're not alone!

The way I look at it, (or try to), is that in 2 shakes of a lamb's tail our DCs will be out in the world and having to deal with these issues without us. A bit embarrassing to have your mum rush in to Uni or work to sort out your problems! I think we're teaching our DCs at this age and gradually handing over the reins because they need to be able to stand up for themselves. It sounds like your DD has done this time. Take a deep breath and feel a bit proud of her.

[HsD2975]

Maybe you could contact your daughters form teacher, head of house. Explain that you want things monitoring. Your Daighter seems happy to have dealt with the situation herself as she matured but you wanted to make them aware of the situation in case another incident happens.