How can I help my DD- y8

[Better67]

My 13 year old DD is in year 8 and since starting secondary school has not really been happy. It really comes down to one really tricky friend who treats her very badly. This girl is much more outgoing than my DD but also I think quite insecure and takes it out on my DD, one day nice the next excluding her and talking to others about her. My DD thinks that she owns access to the friendship group and I think feels quite dependent on her but at same time is fed up with being treated really badly.
How can I help her? She at times says she wants to move school but I’m reluctant to do that as otherwise we like the school and I feel that moving is not the answer. But when my daughter is in tears again because of this girl I wonder if I am right...
What can I do to help her?’

[Titsywoo]

I have similar issues with my DD (also year 8). It has been getting better this term as she is getting more confident and branching out to other friends and groups.

I just made sure life outside school was good and she sees a variety of other friends/family who she got on with so life didn't revolve around school. My DD doesn't want to leave the school as she does like it and loves her friends its just a shame they sometimes blow hot and cold. We talk about what makes a good friend too which helps.

As I say it's getting better now and the kids in her class (who all hated her) are suddenly being civil and even nice! Its a complicated time I think and everyone is up and down. I wouldn't move schools over one friend unless your DD is totally miserable all the time. Does she do clubs at school where she could meet others on her wavelength?

[Better67]

Thanks so much- it’s always so good to hear one isn’t alone! She does a lot of stuff out of school and has other friends outside school and I also reinforce how important that is. The problem with this one girl is that she is very domineering and always creating drama and making sure my DD knows all the people she is seeing and hanging out with etc. My DD is really worried that if she stands up to her and moves away from her she will make her life a misery and block her access to the rest of the friendship group. I’m hoping as you say that things will shift next year..