How to ease anxiety and isolation in 11yo DS?

[YerAuntFanny]

DS has been bullied throughout his school years and at home in our area too by some of the same children.

He's now 11 and rarely goes outside without myself or DH but occasionally tries (his words) to see if he can play without hassle. The police have been involved twice in the past due to the severity and nature of the threats but other than a quick warning nothing is being done.

As he's got older it's become more of an issue as he sees his peers enjoy more freedom and independence and he's now at the stage where he has been referred to CMH services for disclosing suicidal thoughts stemming from feeling insecure and lonely. When asked why he was thinking of harming himself his reply was that he feels that he's only alive for people to feel better about themselves by making his life a misery and doesn't see the point in that.

Other than home he has no safe place and he has 1 friend who he doesn't see much so his days are spent mainly Infront of a screen to pass the time. He doesn't want to interact with anyone.

He has shown traits of ASD which are being looked into, can be very obsessive about transport which I know can be tiresome but he doesn't deserve this.

I don't know how to help him 😞

[NathusiusPip]

Poor kid.

Any way you can move far, far away change schools?

[YerAuntFanny]

Sorry, I should've said we moved schools in P5 and all was well for about a year before one of his previous bullies moved to the school and started at it again.

He's now P7 and going to academy in August so I'm REALLY hoping things will improve then but I just wish there was more I could do now.

Seriously considering looking at home schooling if not although it's not the route I want to go down!

We're in HA property at the moment and on the list to move to a different part of the town atleast. We moved 250 miles when I was pregnant with him to a nicer area with better prospects. Seems like such a waste of time now :(

[TatterdemalionAspie]

Did the school not deal with that bully, YerAunt? Poor lad having it all go wrong again when things were looking up for him. Are his bullies likely to be going to the same academy in August?

Is there much of a home ed scene where you are (you could do a bit of research and see if there are many meet-ups/activities etc locally)? It makes the social side of things much easier if there are other HE families around. Are you in a postition to home educate (ie not working full time)? I home educated DD for 3 years from the age of 8, and then since age 11 she's been at Interhigh, a fully online secondary school. They have a lot of pupils who have been bullied, have anxiety or other health conditions, and/or who are on the ASD spectrum. There are positives and negatives about it, as with everything, but it can be a great option for kids who aren't happy in mainstream. The biggest downside, I'd say, is the lack of face to face interaction, so it helps if there's a home ed scene where you are that he can make friends in. Having said that, the Interhigh students form very close friendships with each other, despite geographical distance, and keep in touch online using apps like skype and discord, in between meetups.

If he's as dreadfully unhappy as you're describing, I'd deregister him for the remainder of this school year. You can see how the home ed goes for a couple of months, let him recharge and recover, knowing that he doesn't have to endure bullying every day, and then give him a new start in August, or think about HE/online schooling.