2year having nightmare due to "bully"

[NurseryFightClub]

Hi Mumsnetters, Ive name changed as this post is very outing.
my DD is 2 yrs and 4 months old and attends nursery fulltime, over Christmas break her speech rapidly improved to the point she sings full song and mostly coherent sentences.
On the way home for nurseries most night she would say a specific childs name , accompanied by no hitting, no kicking. I figured it was something she heard and was just repeating.
A few weeks ago she started having terrible night mares, she was waking up shaking, so I co-slept a few nights with her, in her sleep she kept repeating this childs name and saying don't hurt me, and no hitting etc. I complained to nursery who advised they are aware of this childs behaviour and dealing with it.
The childs wasn't in nursery last week and the manager enquired how DD had been - I said she had had another night mare on the Tuesday. to which she said that well that child hasn't been in this week....
At the weekend, DD was out with parents and she was singing a certain song, half way through she stopped and shouted "childs first and second name no hitting face" and continued to chant this. On the sunday she was in the car with me singing the same song, when she shouts out he same phrase, so I say that's right no hitting faces, to which she starts talking about her key worker and saying "are you ok keyworker" I was driving and saying am sure Keyworker ok, but she kept saying "keyworker sad" and "hurt" so I pulled over and DD is in tears!! Later that night DH and I where relaxing and DD playing and singing, she starts on the same song and I said to DH, just listen don't join in. To which she starts saying "don't hurt me".
Ive complained to nursery - but I don't think they are taking it seriously at all. (at pick up last night they were over ratio with this child in the room!)
There was an incident I recall 2-3 months ago when DD keyworker had been badly scratched by a child, she confirmed today it was that child.
Is it possible the my DD is recalling and reliving this event from months ago, and the specific song it triggering it? If so what can I do??

[bettydraper31]

Oh dear that’s very difficult OP. Can you ask to stay with her at a few sessions to observe? Not sure if that’s an option really. My little girl is a similar age to yours and definitely repeats and reinacts scenarios at nursery very precisely, she says “no more running” and “bottom on chair” and stuff like that. And sometimes so and so “pushed me”, but her keyworker has told me they just ran into each other in the garden, she didn’t actually get pushed (am told this at pickup so it’s all open and up front).

It’s hard to tell what they’re really saying and what it actually means but if I were in your shoes I would be asking for a meeting with nursery and also ask to stay for some sessions so you can see with your own eyes what’s happening. It’s a tricky one!

[Coloursthatweremyjoy]

Children definitely do go over and over single incidents, hence your DD still mentioning this boy while he wasn't there. That doesn't mean that her feelings should be dismissed though. As betty said I get a lot of children claim they were pushed over for example when a child actually backed into them or they bumped into each other. They aren't lying though, it's just their perception.

I would speak to the nursery again and tell them that what you are hearing from DD is very concerning. Ask how they can support her. If you can't stay for a session can you randomly turn up early a couple of times?

[NurseryFightClub]

thanks betty, I should have been clearer in my post (my head is every at the moment) It is more because she is recounting this specific incident from months ago I am worried

[NurseryFightClub]

I have asked nursery - all they say is they are trying to move him up to next room, he is 2 years and 10 months. But sometimes they mix these rooms when not as many in.
They are discounting my concerns on DD, I have raised with them twice, hence looking to get help from other avenues.

[Coloursthatweremyjoy]

It might help to see things from their point of view OP.

I work in early years and I have had children, scratch, kick, hit and bite me. It isn't nice but they are very little. Not even three years on the planet...that's nothing really. Unwanted behaviour like this can't be ignored especially when it's directed at other children but it can take time to correct.

We use observations to get an insight into what's causing the behaviour. It might be when they are tired, not coping with a busy environment or frustration over a lack of speech. Then we use the observations to form a plan for how to deal with it. We use a lot of distraction, positive reinforcement and labelling of emotions. As they develop more understanding you can teach what they should have done instead...a lot of the time you are waiting for them to reach a developmental stage where they can understand and express themselves more appropriately.

Unfortunately I can't tell the parents of a hurt child much about this. I also don't tell them about the times I have physically got inbetween their child and the aggressor and taken the slap instead. Mainly because this sounds so awful and also because sometimes I'm just not quick enough. To the outsider it looks like we aren't doing a lot or that we are brushing it off. But it's not the case.

There is of course the chance that your nursery are rubbish and are brushing you off. But chances are it's just a lengthy process.

Do keep talking to them. I hope things change for your DD soon.

[NurseryFightClub]

Hi colours, thankyou for the insight it is really interesting. Bit of an update, she's going to be spending less time at nursery, I have an amazing friend who DD loves to bits and she's going there one day a week, hopefully a bit of one to one care will help. DH and I are also moving hours around and I am asking to drop hours for next few months, which won't go down very well!