5 year old punched in the face at school

[susan198130]

There's a boy that's recently started my son's school. Well, he started about June time last year, when they were in reception. They're now in year one. I've not heard good things about this boy from the other mums, as he seems to upset a lot of the other kids. Now it's started with my son.

This boy is a big boy, my son is quite small for his age and one of the youngest in his class. He told me when we got home from school today that this boy punched him in the face at lunch time. My son said he told his teacher and this boy then missed the rest of his lunch break.

I only found this out from my son, no word from his teacher, which has really annoyed me. If my son has been punched at school, I want to know. This boy has also said a few times that he's going to hit him, punch him, beat him up.

I literally am at my wits end with this school. He can't change class because they only have one class per year. I've already been to see his teacher about another boy in his class who isn't very nice to him as well.

I'm at work tomorrow and Friday, so I won't be able to speak to his teacher until next week now (although I may email the school), but what generally happens - or what should happen when you bring a complaint about your child being bullied?

[happyout17]

I actually feel sorry for the child that’s hurting the other children. All the mums gossiping about him, do you know anything about what’s happening in this child’s home life?
Aside from that, the boy missed his playtime which seems appropriate. One incident isn’t your child being bullied.
Yes it’s totally horrible and unacceptable that happened to your son and I really feel for him! But one strike isn’t bullying especially if this child is lashing out at multiple children.
If I were you I’d wait till you’re next at the school and ask for a word with the teacher. From what I’ve seen different teachers feel the need to tell you different things but I would be a bit annoyed that wasn’t mentioned to me. Although it could be that there were multiple things happening that day and it just slipped the teachers mind?
Have a chat and see what happens then. Hope your little one is OK and good luck.

[susan198130]

I feel sorry for my son, not this boy. He punched my son in the face. He's horrible to my son a lot.

My son doesn't express his feelings very much, but he told me that he wished this boy never joined their school. Knowing my son, that's a big statement for him to make. He's not an overly sensitive child, but, yes, I'm an over-protective mother, particularly when it comes to him because I feel he could be an easy target because he is so little and he doesn't stand up for himself.

I don't class it as "gossip" if mums are talking about the struggles their child is having at school. Gossip to me is speculation. He tries to exclude my son from playing with other boys, he tells him he can't read with them in class, he threatens to punch him. God only knows what else he says to him because, as I said, my son isn't a great one for telling me things.

I've decided that I'm going to make a note of any incidents, and I'll see his teacher on Monday.

[Owletterocks]

Op, I don’t have much advice but if it were my son I would be livid and would have rang the school straight away. I get what the pp said about feeling sorry for the boy but my priority is my child and I don’t expect him to get punched at school. It wouldn’t happen at home so why should I be ok about it happening at school. I would email tomorrow and ask for clarification and what measures they are taking to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

[susan198130]

Thanks Owletterocks. I agree with you. Whilst I can appreciate he may have difficulties at home - I don't know, I don't know his parents at all, I only ever see his dad and I've never spoken to him - him basically taking that out on my son (if that even is the case) is my problem, not his problems at home. I'm not going to justify his behaviour because of potential problems at home.

I think I'll drop the school an email to let them know what's happened, for them to keep a proper eye on this boy and that I want to see his teacher on Monday. I don't know what's going on in that class. There are 3 boys that just seem to be bullies. If they're not picking on my son, then they're picking on this other boy (I'm good friends with his boy's mum and I know she's having the same troubles).

A boy who's a couple of years above my son at school came up to me on the last day of term before Christmas to tell me that he protects my son for when other boys are bullying him, and that's just absolutely heartbreaking to hear!

I'm literally that close to just removing my son from this school and putting him elsewhere, but I have my younger son starting that school in September (well, presuming he gets a place there) and I can't be at 2 different schools at the same time for pick up/drop off. Plus I don't see why my son should be the one to go, when he's not the problem.

[ChoudeBruxelles]

Call the school and ask for his teacher to call you back.

[AcademicOwl]

The key to this is how school are protecting your son and the other boy. Because at that age they are both extremely vulnerable.
Ask them what their policy is on violence in the playground; and how they are supporting both the children. Because despite being angry/upset with other child, it's really key that both children work through together how to move forwards.

Plus the staff might not able to tell you any details about the other child (like SEN, etc). Having been the parent of a child who looks like they are bullying (but are actually really vulnerable due to SEN), i found the situation absolutely excruciating.

And a final note; the obvious punishment isn't always the most effective one.

[AcademicOwl]

Oh and I forgot to say; 💐 OP. It's awful to see your child hurt

[thethoughtfox]

It would be worth teaching your son how to be assertive when dealing with these situations and perhaps a martial art for confidence, strength and ability to defend himself. Often, when a child is marked out as a target by bullies, this can happen again. I am so sorry you have deal with this. I know this is only one incident by this boy - so I wouldn't use the term bullying in this instance when you speak to the school - but this is must be very upsetting for him.

[susan198130]

I don't think it's the first instance of bullying from him though. As far as I know, it's the first physical incident, but he tries to exclude my son from things, and has threatened to punch him or beat him up. I honestly can't believe this from 5-6 year olds. I thought I had a good few years before this kind of thing potentially started.

I have told my son to try and stand up for himself. I have thought about karate, which I'm definitely considering. I took him to a football club, just to get him to mix with other boys and maybe that would boost his confidence, but he found it boring (mainly because the other boys were a bit older than him and very good, whereas he's never really played football much before). I might give karate a try.