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Parent trying to isolate my child

(14 Posts)
Slightlygiganticpants Tue 28-Nov-17 10:55:34

Not sure what to do and feeling slightly unsettled by what's going on. Really need some guidance please.

I had a fall out with two parents in my middle daughter's year. This resulted in some really nasty playground politics on their part and a lot of standing on my own wearing dark sunglasses and ignoring the bloody lot of them on my part. They were a bunch of attention seeking cows. All fine my middle daughter had a couple of run ins at school but I dealt with it, with school quite successfully and she remained a happy little girl.

And now to the problem. My youngest daughter started school this September. Some of the parents within my middle daughter's class also had children starting in this year group. One of them, who has decided she hates me, has a daughter in the new in take.

My daughter and her daughter became best friends quite quickly. Oh well, fine by me. However this is not fine with the other parent. She has tried to tell her daughter not to play with my daughter. Didn't work at all! Also when my daughter told me this I spoke to school and they said they would investigate. Result, matter dealt with all ok.

Until....yesterday as 4 year olds will they were naughty together at school. They apparently took their shoes off when they were told not to and hid under a table. So they went on the cloud. This morning the other mum was there again crying (actual tears) saying to the teacher that she didn't want my daughter to play with hers etc etc. They were trying to be discrete but massive fail! I have not done anything as yet but rely feeling unsettled by the whole thing. Worried that their hatred will result in my child being blamed for everything and being labelled as that child! I know it's early days.

Do I need to phone school again? Do I need to move schools before the overflow of hatred from the parents really affects the kids?

The reason why I ask about changing schools is due to school being a small village school which employs most of its staff from the village (so a lot of parents).

Please tell me what to do!

unlimiteddilutingjuice Tue 28-Nov-17 11:01:49

Wow, that sounds awful.
Don't do anything yet. Just sit tight and wait it out. Hopefully it will just blow over.
I don't think your child's teacher will be terribly sympathetic to someone asking them to police a child's friendship or stop them playing with someone.
Or to a parent being so dramatic over a very mild rebuke to a child.
If things escalate then sure, consider your options. In the meantime, try and stay calm.

Slightlygiganticpants Tue 28-Nov-17 11:18:56

The problem I have is the behaviour they displayed in the playground previously is colouring my judgement now. Desperately trying to sit on hands and not phone school.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Tue 28-Nov-17 11:46:22

I can imagine, OP!
They sound like a nightmare. And the whole thing must be incredibly stressful for you.
With any luck you will be coming across as the more sensible party in all this.

Itsonkyme Tue 28-Nov-17 11:48:53

Leave it all to the school to deal with, I would.

Slightlygiganticpants Tue 28-Nov-17 12:19:23

I definitely will not be speaking to the parent as I don't think that did go well at all! I also think anything I do say will be twisted and gossiped about in an attempt to paint me as the evil party in everything. And also to reaffirm and justify their previous behaviours. I am well aware that everything I do is judged and analysed in a bad light! Everyone loves to hate something and at our school that's me.

However despite all this I still have a good relationship with the teachers (at the moment fingers crossed) and really don't want to damage this by becoming that parent lol.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Tue 28-Nov-17 20:18:02

Bit of a long term stratergy; but if this woman is going to continue this weird campaign against you, I wonder if it would be worth your while joining the PTA. Or volunteering in the classroom, something like that....

This would give teachers and other parents the opportunity to veiw you as a respectable and useful person and lessen the impact of any nonsense she might pull in future.

Slightlygiganticpants Tue 28-Nov-17 22:02:57

I couldn't help myself at school pick up sorry(it turned out ok though phew). I had a word with my daughter's teacher (in private!). I confirmed that the incident that took place yesterday was just taking shoes off and hiding under the table - it was! And said I just wanted to check as I know you were trying to be discrete this morning however I was aware of what was going on and that I was concerned about my child being segregated in class or alienated because of a parent and that I just wanted some reassurance really that everything was ok.

They were lovely. Said there were absolutely no behavioural issues. All members of staff had monitored the friendship to ensure that it was on an equal footing and neither child was overwhelming the other personality wise. She said that all staff members for the year group were happy with the friendship and that the children were happy.

Really pleased I did talk to them. I thanked them about a million times and we then chatted about how all we want is for the children to be happy.

Will definitely be taking up your idea of volunteering at school though unlimiteddilutingjuice (no idea how to hold on my phone sorry). Maybe not pta due to the other parents but could do volunteer work in the class room a couple of mornings (perhaps after Christmas though).

Slightlygiganticpants Tue 28-Nov-17 22:20:01

Oh my god ... next problem the mum involved is organising the class r christmas drinks! For fucks sake this class of parents are going to hate me as well aren't they!

AMumma16 Wed 29-Nov-17 12:49:10

I sometimes think the gossipy parents are worse than kids in the playground. Not easy for you at all.
Is it past the point of having a little chat with one or two of these parents and just saying you'd like for you all to move on and be friendly/civil for the sake of the kids.
I know this is really hard as it sounds like they've treated you horribly but in my experience it will make your life a lot easier and at least you know you have tried.
The thought of so many years feeling anxious every day isn't good - I totally know how you feel.

Davespecifico Wed 29-Nov-17 12:55:40

You’ve got quite a few years left to negotiate every issue the mean parents will blame you for.
I’d be tempted to cut my losses and move School.

ForgivenessIsDivine Wed 29-Nov-17 13:57:13

The majority of other parents in the class will see this for what it is. It may seem like everyone is in it together, that won't be the case. Find at least one other parent you can speak to who is going to the Christmas drinks and arrange to go in together. Smile, chat and be present.

Slightlygiganticpants Wed 29-Nov-17 14:57:35

AMumma16 unfortunately it has gone beyond trying to talk it out by a long way. There was an awkward attempt to try to talk when the first attempt at segregation occurred. However this soon reverted back to awkward hellos and then her completely blanking me again. This is a recurring pattern. I have never had a falling out with this mum however she is close friends with the ringleaders.

It has been quite consistent. Some of the mum's will start talking to me as in just saying hello and then there will be a social event of some sort between them all and it's back to blanking me again.

The thing is the school have been really good so far when I have gone in with a tangible problem so not keen to change if I don't have to.

I have decided I will definitely attend the drinks event if I can. I will laugh, smile and show willing. Not sure if I am right but I believe it will be harder to portray me in a bad light if I am visible smiley and friendly. Let's just hope I don't get discluded from any info relating to it.

AMumma16 Thu 30-Nov-17 09:50:13

Definitely the case that people will see you for what you actually are and not what has been said (if it has!) if you remain your friendly self. Good idea to go to the event - smile and stand your ground.
Isn't it a shame that we have to do all of this just so our kids can be okay ?
A good school is always worth staying at so let the rest sort itself out.

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