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What do we do!!!!

(22 Posts)
alliwantforchristmasis Wed 01-Nov-17 23:13:36

My Dsd (8) is being bullied basically on a daily basis, the school doen't accept this and are refusing to address the matter.
My dilemma is we have been offered a place at another local school but it has a very bad reputation (it is the only school with available space). Do we send her there, leave her where she is and deal with what happens or do we take her out of the school and homeschool her instead until September when we can take her to a further out school which has lots of spaces.
The bullying isn't just physical it's also verbal worst they said to her was " wish you'd die of cancer!" What lovely 8 year olds they are wouldn't you be proud to be their parents.
Her own father believes the school or should I say his best friend who is the headmaster but feels that we aren't listening to him or his opinions over the matter. He has blocked my partner so she can no longer communicate with him unless it's through his mum!
What are your feelings about this and what would you do about her education all responses welcomed.

tallwivglasses Wed 01-Nov-17 23:44:35

I'd say get her into the new school.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername Wed 01-Nov-17 23:47:12

I'd also say the same. Move her to the other school

alliwantforchristmasis Sat 04-Nov-17 12:16:48

Thank you we have taken her out of the school now and have been given a date in the new year for her to start at the new school so it's 5 weeks for her to get her confidence back before then

flumpybear Sat 04-Nov-17 12:30:03

I’d take the bullying thing further too perhaps the board of governers if the head is excusing bullying due to the friend - disgusting behaviour!

Herschellmum Sat 04-Nov-17 12:32:11

Have you spoken to the new potential school? Visited? Honestly a good school make massive differences, we recently move house to get a better school. It’s an “excellent” school, but while that’s great, i actually care more about how Nice the school is for my kids, how the teachers act. I think a good indicator so probably staff turn over but not sure how easy that is to get, but equally ask parents from that school. Maybe find if there is a Facebook page and ask about.

I am amazed at the difference a good school makes, it’s been completely different for all my kids Since we moved.

alliwantforchristmasis Sat 04-Nov-17 16:41:07

Flumpybear we have taken it further we are waiting for a date for a governors panel meeting the head of governors agrees with us that his attitude and actions warrant further actions that he hasn't got authority to sanction so he has lifted it to above his own head. The LEA are also looking into it saying if the result of the meeting isn't in their eyes severe enough they will take it further.

alliwantforchristmasis Sat 04-Nov-17 16:45:01

Hershellmum we have visited the school twice now once when it was empty and once with the children in to see how it was on a normal day. It is fantastic with a headteacher who doesn't say that things don't happen but one who says that when they do they are dealt with straight away. The school looks brilliant and my DSD will love it when she goes in the new year.

alliwantforchristmasis Sat 04-Nov-17 16:56:41

We checked the schools that were in the area on parentview comparing the school that she was at and 3 other schools who have a good reputation plus the school that we have been offered a place at and even though it had a past bad reputation it was surpassing all the other schools on all points on parentview which the headteacher addressed the old reputation by telling us how she and her staff had changed the school around but were still changing it for the better and that they will never finish trying to better the school.

GreenTulips Sun 05-Nov-17 14:29:42

I find a lot of poorer schools better at managing emotional and social issues, better pastoral care, children more grounded.
They also look at teaching kids life skills rather than rote skills

She should be fine

alliwantforchristmasis Sun 05-Nov-17 17:22:53

Greentulips thank you we took her out of the old school and she is so much happier we are building her self confidence as that was stripped away by the bullies. We have got a start date of the new year so fingers crossed she will be in a better place for it. Her new school has fantastic pastoral care and I think she requires a more loving environment that the new school has in abundance.

GreenTulips Sun 05-Nov-17 17:31:50

Look up Brooke's Gibbs How to stop a bully on you tube - it's an interesting video

Oliversmumsarmy Sun 05-Nov-17 17:49:37

We put ds in a school with a terrible reputation after a dreadful time at an OFSTED outstanding school.
The new HT had only been there a year and was turning the school around. We wished we hadn't tried to carry on with his original school for so long

GreenTulips Sun 05-Nov-17 18:00:34

Mine went to a great ofstead rated school but had a terrible reputation locally due to a significant number of children who were inconsolable, teachers crying, head off sick all the time, no disapline.
We moved them to the poorer school and they couldn't have been nicer

The turning point came when the dinner lady was screaming 'look at them! Bunch of fucking animals!!'
Charming

AMumma16 Sun 05-Nov-17 22:37:25

You are lucky that the Head of Governors is being fair and objective. We went through a panel meeting because the Head and Governor were as thick as thieves. But the panel were more fair we felt thankfully. Good luck and great news that you have a new school lined up smile

alliwantforchristmasis Mon 06-Nov-17 04:33:41

Amumma16 the head and the head governor and her biological father are all close friends as he used to be a governor! But because of the points that we have raise with him it couldn't be a meeting with just the head governor but it had to be referred to a panel, as we informed him we had checked the governors code of conduct and had quoted it to him. We only reminded him that as he couldn't be impartial because of his friendship with her father then myself and her mother required it to be referred to panel as they have to be found from another schools governing body. He didn't like it but he knew that we had sent the same letter to the lea as well as the local schools social workers, he ended up without any options but to do as we asked.
All three of them are thick as thieves and they thought we wouldn't look up anything or find out what our rights were, they forgot my partner is studying for her law degree and found it interesting to study the educational law required for this (for lack of a better word) fight that we were going to be having with the school/ headteacher.

alliwantforchristmasis Mon 06-Nov-17 04:39:06

Greentulips the school she was at was an outstanding school with a great reputation but standards have dropped plus they always put in a great show for ofsted. The school that she's going to has a outstanding ofsted report too but has a bad past reputation which is all that people dwell upon. Since we pulled her out of the school she has changed from a depressed 8 year old to a happy smiley one and it's only been a few days what's she going to be like by the time she goes to her new school!!

AMumma16 Mon 06-Nov-17 11:07:21

We had the same and so asked for an independent panel - the school then decided to tell random people (how unprofessional?) that we had asked for people that we 'knew' to be on the panel. We hadn't at all - we had just asked for it to be fair and a panel that were independent.
We were basically bullied as it was all of them against us - and we had done nothing wrong except speak up on bullying.
Most awful experience.

alliwantforchristmasis Mon 06-Nov-17 15:14:36

Amumma16 that's awful have you managed to get through it with a good result? We just wanted the school to admit that there was a problem with bullying (Which they still haven't ) but our main problem is my Dsd's dad is best friends with the head and the governors so they are trying to interfere with home life too which used to rile my partner up which is what they want her to do but since getting divorced she's become calmer plus able to deal with the 'crap' that they are saying. Hopefully it will all be over soon and the school will improve again for the sake of the children still in there.

AMumma16 Mon 06-Nov-17 20:11:17

That's what we all want isn't it? For kids to be happy at their schools - should be simple. I'm sorry to hear of the stress you're all going through.
You definitely need an independent panel
- and don't let them bully you all. It sounds like you're doing the right thing.
Sadly they might not admit bullying until they absolutely have to.
Good on you for being strong for your child.

alliwantforchristmasis Wed 15-Nov-17 19:49:11

Amumma16 thank you sorry I didn't reply sooner but having to get the complaint against school ready panel date is set for Monday so have had to put our evidence in and read the crap the school have said plus find evidence to disputed what they are saying. Only thing that's really upsetting is her biological dad has sided with the headteacher and blamed my partner for what's happened!! Dad of the year material.
We have home schooled DSD for a few weeks and we did a online (reading)base test with her when we started, we've redone the test today and her test age has developed 4 years! Shows what a good none school environment is doing for her. Her attitude to her brothers has improved and she is now a bright, happy girl again, so we were right to take her away from the bullying. Thank you for your help.

AMumma16 Thu 16-Nov-17 09:39:18

It sounds like they've created 'white noise' to distract from the real issue. Hopefully the panel will see past this and focus on your child's happiness. Good luck. Stay strong.

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