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This board is a joke?

(25 Posts)
Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 10:03:10

I started a thread here for advice, to help my dd recover from bullying

But, now I've opened a number of the threads....they are all from parents asking for support because their children have been ACCUSED of bullying!!!

How about cleaning your rose tinted specs and dealing with your kids behaviour. This is why bullying is the huge problem it is

haba Fri 20-Oct-17 10:07:06

But surely those parents also need help, to stop their children bullying?
It doesn't take anything away from your child's distress.
People don't automatically know how to correct their children's behaviour, and need support with that.

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 10:09:54

Read the threads....that is NOT what they are asking. Lots of indignation about the accusations and counter accusations of being 'bullied' for being pulled up about it

No one ever accepts that their kids can be little shits

Looneytune253 Fri 20-Oct-17 10:16:53

To be fair though the word bullying is bandied around a LOT at our school. Little Johnny could call little Fred a snot head once and then Fred’s mum will have the other child labelled a bully before you know it. Depends on the situation. Real bullying is horrendous and if their child is an actual bully they do need help.

haba Fri 20-Oct-17 10:22:36

I do hope you have found some help for your child, painful, bullying is so destructive. flowers

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 10:24:46

So, why don't those parents post for advice in 'chat' then?? If your child was falsely accused of bullying, why would you go to a place where victims of bullying are and ask for support? And WHY would you justify that, in the same place, by saying, yeah well 'bullying' is just bandied about?!

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 10:28:06

Thanks Haba...no advice on my thread though, huh?

Only advice around here, is how to dodge accusations of bullying and get the school to prevent parents of victims approaching you

Anecdoche Fri 20-Oct-17 10:35:05

i havent seen your thread or tbh the threads you refer to so am not commenting on them specifixally but generally on the issue it is a real problem with some (stress some) parents who dont want to believe that their child could ever be capable of being so awful. they would rather believe that the other children and school staff and everyone up to and including the entire population of the earth have come together in a foul conspiracy to falsly accuse their child than accept that the child they love is treating another child like shit.

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 10:39:08

It's sickening anec. There is no chance of stopping bullying. No chance at all

YoureAnArseholeDenise Fri 20-Oct-17 10:42:07

I agree op - and I speak as someone whose DS has been known to bully.

I hate it. I came down like an absolute ton of bricks. As it was, the reasons for him doing it were many but it mainly originated from him feeling very small and inferior compared to his siblings. He was literally trying to big himself up. HOWEVER, reasons are not excuses and I never tried to excuse or defend his actions, or deny that he was the problem in the way that some posters here do when their little preciouses are accused.

M4Dad Fri 20-Oct-17 10:42:13

On a connected point, I get annoyed about all the "AIBU To Complain About A Teacher" threads.

The chances are your little one is being a proper little git and it's only through sheer will power that the teacher hasn't thrown themselves out of a window.

...but no, it must be the teacher, it can't be my little.

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 11:01:05

It's like going to a rape support group and asking for advice because your son has been accused of rape

It's crass. It beggars belief tbh. And it's not at all suprising that those kind of people are nurturing bullies

Allthelightsgoout Fri 20-Oct-17 11:33:46

.

Looneytune253 Fri 20-Oct-17 12:39:53

Jesus with an attitude like yours though? Someone offers you sympathy and all you can do is make an unnecessary comment about how they’ve nothing to add to your conversation? Jeez! Were you a bully at school?

Ausparent Fri 20-Oct-17 13:06:39

I have started several replies to this thread about how false accusations are bullying in themselves and how there is a process there to protect all children, partly because often when children make false allegations it can be a sign that they are suffering abuse at home and need help but I don't think there is anything I can say which will cut through the anger you obviously feel.

I suggest you read about Lucy Cochrane before you dismiss the effect false allegations of bullying can have.

And likening children to rapists? Don't even know where to begin with that.

I am truly sorry for your experience and I am sure that the same parents who offered support to me would do so to you if you let them. Since you made the comparison, even accused rapists are entitled to have a trial before they 're condemned but you feel that there should be no investigation, no proper process?

Nobody is condoning bullying or trying to get out of it, we are just all parents with different experiences trying to navigate parenthood.

In terms of where people should post about false allegations, perhaps you could ask Mumsnet to make a separate section? Or perhaps one just for you and the people who you feel have problems which are legitimate enough to warrant support and advice from other parents?

angelsnapper Fri 20-Oct-17 13:38:47

This thread has come up in active at the exact time I’ve had to deal with parents who won’t accept of minimise the fact their child has bullied my child!

It’s not an accusation, it’s fact! I’ve seen the text messages and heard the rumours and seen the Facebook hacking.

I’m sitting feeling like complete rubbish today after the response I got from these parents and kids yesterday I am so gutted for my son.

Bullying will not stop, all this media coverage and nothing can be done. Once someone is targeted that’s it. I’m going to try to stop letting this get me down and keep continuing to support my son and the bullies can keep doing what they are doing and we can pick up the consequences.

angelsnapper Fri 20-Oct-17 13:40:01

I don’t believe their can be that many false allegations. There’s usually some proof even without the texts and social media abuse. I’m so angry.

angelsnapper Fri 20-Oct-17 13:42:45

Youreanarseholedenise, thank you for that post. Maybe if more parents dealt with it and got to the bottom of the problem like you there would be less bullying going on.

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 14:19:51

I was not getting at that particular poster for not having contributed to my thread Looney. But, pointing out that NO-ONE had commented on my thread. Whilst there are plentiful supportive posts for those accused of bullying

My 'attitude' is the result of the devestating effect bullying has had on my dd

From the age of 4 to 6 my daughter suffered physical attacks including strangulation, being punched in the stomach, pushed over, piled on, hair pulling, threats and name calling, by a group of 3 classmates. They also touched her vagina

The teachers reported half of the incident TO ME, so there is no question as to whether it was happening; but they still threw doubt on incidents that she reported, if an adult hadn't witnessed it. They downplayed to extent. Yet, they recognised enough of a 'pattern' to seek help for the ring-leader, getting assessment for autism; 'reassuring' me that it was not malicious and he couldn't help himself

My dd began to vomit; up to 50 times a day. She developed sensory issues and wouldn't tolerate clothing, she cut chunks out of her hair (a form of self harm), she had panic attacks and screaming tantrums. We removed her from school for 3 months and she was medicated for 2 months. I reported to social services, the paediatrician also reported to social services. I reported to ofsted and the school governors.

Social services concluded I was an over anxious mother who had lied about my DDs symptoms. SS also lied about what the new school AND the paediatrian had said about my dd (I checked with the school and paediatrician)

DD appeared to settle in her new school. Vomiting and other symptoms vanished almostt immediately

However, at the new school year she is now experiencing, panic attacks, nightmares, dissociation (doesn't feel real, out of body experiences), suicidal ideation. She school refuses most days. She sees a psychotherapist was a week, who says she is suffering from PTSD. I have missed many weeks of work as a result

My 6 YEAR OLD daughter has POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER as a result of bullying in primary school in the UK. She is 6 years old and talks about killing herself. She has been medicated. At 6 years old.

This board needs dividing into 'bullied' and 'bullies'

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 14:24:00

And likening children to rapists? Don't even know where to begin with that

aus well my daughter was sexually assaulted by 5 year olds. I've been raped and it hasn't had half the impact on me, that my dds experience had on her.

I am truly sorry for your experience...no you're not. You are barely even listening

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 14:25:25

Yes, thank you Denise. Sorry, I can barely see through my anger

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 14:26:14

Angel, move schools

PotteringAlong Fri 20-Oct-17 14:28:36

But the topic isn't "victims of bullying" it's "bullying" so why shouldn't everyone who is impacted by it post here? It's nothing at all like being accused of rape and going to a rape crisis centre.

Anecdoche Fri 20-Oct-17 14:42:34

oh Painful, i am so so sorry. your poor daughter. i dont feel qualified to advise or opine on such a serious and devastating issue but i send all my best wishes for the little they are worth and i really hope that things improve for your daughter and for you.

Painfulpain Fri 20-Oct-17 14:59:33

Thank you anec, I appreciate your post

The condemnation of bullying seems to be a very superficial thing, that is just paid lip-service. Everyone is horrified when a teen kills themselves because of bullying. For a moment

No-one is actually interested in hearing the impact, or actually doing anything about it. School Anti-bullying policies aren't worth having

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