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Spencer13 Thu 05-Oct-17 08:04:05

Hello everyone,
It’s my first ever post and I’m not very good with opening up or sharing my dirty washing. 
Since my oldest child started at school I’ve never joined in the playground talk and I don’t go on Mum’s nights out either which has meant since 2010 I have stood in the playground with solely my old school friend and just smile or say hello. I never attended Mum groups and often I don’t take my child to school friend’s parties as I work or I try to avoid the playgroup groups as I’ve seen the fallout and gossips.
Now here is my problem some of you some of you may think I deserve this after I tell you my full story but despite keeping the gossips at arm’s length it’s my turn and because none of them know me there is a group making my life hell to the point I’m scared, isolated and panic stricken at having to go and collect my youngest child from school. I am now at the point I sit in my car until the bell goes or when my friend is passing only then I will get out of my car as I’m living in complete fear.
So here is my life story my ex-partner was killed in a RTA when I was 20 years old through grieving I meet my husband who helped me and at 23 I got married which my parents, family and friends tried to stop. A few years later my Daughter came along, I’d had a feeling things wasn’t right but I was told your paranoid by my husband. My husband was always out straight after work and he would never answer his phone then roll in midnight. My Daughter was two weeks old when I found my husband had left him phone down the side of the sofa and went to work. His phone was bleeping every few minutes hence I finely found it thinking someone really needed him to find a girl was missing him which I’d questioned him about some years previously. He told me a tale that she was depressed and lonely so he wanted to make her feel her life was worth something etc. etc. he also said I was just hormonal with my Daughter. That Christmas months later his work party was staff only and meant he stayed out due to taxi’s etc. I then found out he’d allowed this girl in my house and shown her around but to top it off he allowed her to drive my car one day while her car was in the garage. If that wasn’t enough he then employed her as his receptionist and she would never pass on messages but he always had good excuses. Six years on my Sister asked to borrow his laptop and found his facebook account open, so she viewed his profile and photos finding lots of photo’s including his work Christmas party (no partners) of them both together. I was shocked but it made me realise I wasn’t mad after all however I was pregnant with my second child and didn’t say a word in fear of the fallout. We moved house shortly after to my old childhood village and things seem to calm down but my husband then took a job where he works long days and weekends meaning I felt like a single mother. My single sister once again found information out on my husband on a dating site and sent me the screen shots he had a profile that shocked me and make my stomach turn with profile picture. I then found him on many more sites complete with pictures, some even in hotel rooms.
All my neighbours commented on me been the one always gardening or painting something on my own and often stop to say hello. Then one day I started talking to a neighbour who had waved every day for the last three years as I was cutting my hedges. We laughed about going on holiday on the same day on the same fight to the same place and also that we keep bumping into each other out walking etc. we even had the same childminder. It turned out his wife was into running and spent weekends away at a time, leaving him a single Dad on weekends too. We had a lot of things in common even our friends so there was plenty to talk about. Later that day he had tracked me down on FB and I accepted his friend request. Over the months he started to open up about his life his wife had an affair three years ago with a work college which he found picture messages etc. she blamed him and said the children made her feel trapped hence she started running then doing running events and cut her work days to three days so she could train. He choice to tell me this after finding two other men’s messages then one to her best friend about sleeping with the builder who had just completed their extension. Then on his tenth wedding anniversary he took her away and found another man on her phone that she was arranging to meet after her exercise class in the park a few days later. He never confronted her and the following week she said she had bumped into an old friend from primary school in the park and was going out that weekend. This guy came to the door and collected her in his new sports car rattling all our windows. A few months went by she would stay she was somewhere with old girl friends that he never heard about in the last twelve years and find she was with two different men (one her boss) in hotels or at concerts etc. Over the months so many things happened and I went on holiday for three weeks I found I missed him and on my return he asked us to actually meet up and he told me he had told his wife they was over and he wanted to be with someone else. My friend confirmed this as his wife told her that he had met someone else but said saying he was having an affair and how she was so upset. I also told my Husband I wanted to be with someone else which sparked a new devoted loving man trying to fight for his first love of his life, now wanting to spend weekends at home, he admitted about the past but said he chose me over her and stopped it (only took him six years to end it).
So my neighbour’s wife took to social media to tell the whole world she was a victim and her cheating husband was this and that. I would also get her update from my friend who would share their conversations etc. and that she was also seeing someone from work but keeping it hush hush for the house reasons. A few months later it also came out who in the open on who we wanted to be with and meant street life wasn’t great. His wife called me the C word in front of my young children while she had a friend around and she continued to say I was uninspiring and unimaginative the list when on. The social media became massive to her and a platform for her campaign. One of my other neighbours said I was listed on the year ones and fours mums school chatroom saying that she had said we had an affair and how her life is hell luckily our children are at different schools.
In May she set him up she asked him not to be around on her birthday as the girls would be staying over so he didn’t but I came home to find her with another man staying over at the house. I did tell him M and he said its fine I knew that would be the plan. That week she sent the children to her parents and asked for space! I joked and said I bet she’ll have some dinner cooked for Friday when you get home and is nicey nice again so Friday arrived and he want home dinner cooked and a bottle of wine opened on the table. They had a normal ish evening, they watched TV and then she vanished to bed without any word. Their son woke up and M settled him back down then went to bed to find his bedroom changed around his charger not in the plug but the lamp was instead, his bed smelt of others so he went and opened her bedroom door and confronted her she said it’s none of his business and slammed the door in his face. He went back to his bedroom changed the sheets and went to sleep to be woken a few hours later by the police saying his wife had called then saying he was drunk and abusive. The police said your wife wants to out of the house so they dropped him off at a friend’s as they said he wasn’t a risk and he was the nicest men they had dealt with, the next day he walked back for his car keys and she confronted him saying I’m now a victim of domestic abuse and you played straight into it. Then his Brother called saying his eighty year old mum had been woken up at six am by her parents shouting abuse that had scared their Daughter to death etc etc.
But then the next weekend she asked him to say over and look after the children as she was going to a concert so he did she came home the early hours and went to bed. The next morning he told her he had somewhere lined up to live and he didn’t feel comfortable staying in that house after last week’s stunt. So he moved out and started having the children Friday or Saturday night until Wednesday morning. She’s been on two holidays abroad without contacting the children once. M currently pays for everything but he’s told her that is going to stop as she keeps cancelling mediation and last straw was she hadn’t seen the children for four days and was having them for the night only, needless to say M had a very confused six year old the next day saying Daddy a strange man slept in mummy’s bed last night and they was making strange noisy I woke up after a bad dream then this person sat with us for breakfast laughing at Mummy’s silly jokes.
She has agreed the five reasons against her listed for the divorce a few been her first affair, how she reacted to her child having sleep terrors and then how she went on holiday and ran a marathon the first day then stayed in bed for the next two days and also the social media thing back in March. This week he has asked his solicitor to move things on quicker as she’s refusing to disclose information so it’s off to court because she’s a victim of domestic abuse so why should she!! There is plenty I’ve missed but this whole situation has made me scared, low, insecure and confused on what to do. I know I don’t want her in my life and that means me and M will have no future together. I just feel like his personal counsellor not that he ever listens then when it goes wrong he'll say I should of listened to you.

As for my home life my Husband has taken back his leading role and yes he is changing things, I’m not sure if this will last or if he’s just scared of losing me. However it’s now meant I’m a prisoner as I daren’t leave the night on an evening and the questions start.

My added issue is after all this time M's Ex wife not letting off her hate campaign and still actively making my life hell. The mother’s in my son’s playground are her keep fit friends and only have her story. If it’s not the name calling or them stood looking and laughing, it’s the funny looks. I’m not a confrontational person so I just look away or to the floor. I want to cry most days and others I want to say my story that I didn’t have a physical relationship until all parties was aware. I just don’t know what to do my friends tell me they love me and I am kind caring person who takes everything to heart, also that they will get bored soon and move but will they?
Thank you for listening to my rambled story.

happyout17 Sun 26-Nov-17 19:31:34

Hi there,

Sorry I don’t really understand your story. From what I gathered you started an affair with your neighbour while he was divorcing but you are staying with your cheating husband?
You sound like you are very anxious and depressed. I think the school mums are like the horrible icing on the cake and probably not the worst thing happening here. I’m sure you know yourself that because you always avoided them they probably don’t know you so how are they to know what is actually going on.
Whatever happens I think you should see your GP about how you are feeling. This seems a very complex situation.

AMumma16 Sun 26-Nov-17 22:36:21

I would recommend trying some counselling. You need to unravel all of this and a counsellor will help you work through it. From what I’m reading it sounds like your confidence is really knocked.
Don’t worry about judgemental bored mums in the playground. Block them out of your life.
Take care x

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