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5 year old being bullied...

(14 Posts)
LONC2012 Tue 27-Jun-17 16:21:46

Hi all,

My son is 5 and has been picked on by the same kid since he was in nursery school. They first started as incidents every now and again to now near enough every week sometimes more then once a week.
In September when they started in reception this child didn't start until just over a week later, as soon as he started my son started to wet the bed again this however could have been a coincidence as it was a new experience with school etc.

Over the year we have had numerous incidents the main ones (pinning him to the floor so he can't talk to ask him to get off, smacking his head off the climbing frame and bruising his ears, repeatedly hitting him, telling him if he plays in the sand he will take his glasses off him and many other things along those lines).

I have reported it to school and spoken with the head and everytime they just tell me that he is happy in school, that he does hold his own but unfortunately he gets the brunt of the disagreements and that they are monitoring them more closely and that dinner staff are aware).

The majority of the incidents happen on the playground rather than in class.

He has come home today and said that at two break times he has been hit several times, the worse being on his ears, and that he told the dinner lady. My issue is how many more times is my child going to be abused by this child before something is done to stop him? Also I'm sure it won't be long before my little boy has enough and hits him back.

At my wits end i just feel so bad for my baby and not sure what to do!

Anyone else had this sort of experience at such a young age? I didn't expect this thing in first year

RaspberryBeretHoopla Tue 27-Jun-17 18:02:30

I'm so sorry to hear that your son is going through this. It is very young.

The one thing that I would encourage you to do at this time is to keep written documentation of all the episodes that happen and written record of all your attempts at remediation.

It is important that the episodes be documented in as much detail as you can - date, time, duration, frequency, by whom, adults present, etc.

You might get some more constructive advice from someone else or you can also contact an anti-bullying charity who may be able to advise you with some supportive strategies at this time.

BrendaSmith56 Tue 27-Jun-17 18:12:46

You really shouldn't have to but if my child was this unhappy and was likely to be in the same school for several years I would look at moving them.

I speak as the mother of a school refuser with mental health problems.

Life is too short to be unhappy and anxious every day.

LONC2012 Tue 27-Jun-17 19:16:21

Thank you for your replies, each time it's happened I have emailed school so have it all saved in my emails.

Going to speak to his teacher again tomorrow and see if we can put something else in place. Just breaks my heart to think of him upset and I'm not there to comfort him. Hopefully they will start listening to me more if not I'll go back to see the head.

I'll have a look into charities too thank you smile

Wonderment Tue 27-Jun-17 19:40:36

They're not monitoring him. They're sitting back and letting him get bullied.

I have a close friend who has had exactly this recently with her 4 year old. The teacher even told the 4 year old that he was making a mountain out of a molehill. It was horrendous and impacted on the poor boy very badly as you can imagine.

In the end I helped her compile emails to the teach teacher first, then chair of governors, and I went with her to a meeting with the chair of governors and head teacher.

It took a lot of work to trawl through the school website and quoting their behaviour policy and bullying and safeguarding policies, but it was well worth the effort as it strengthened the case. For example, the school safeguarding policy speaks of protecting children when they report worries, and encouraging them to feel free to share it with an adult. Telling a child they're making it up is not following that policy! The bullying policy spoke of installing procedures for protecting children from the bully, which they failed to do, and of sanctioning the bully and reporting it to the bully's parents, which they also failed to do.

In the meeting, all of this was outlined in great detail and the social services had been contacted (by myself) for advice, which they were happy to give. I think this sacred the school and they put a swift end to the problem. It's a shame they had to be backed in to a corner to get their act together, rather than follow procedures correctly, but sometimes you have to tell people what they need to be doing.

LONC2012 Tue 27-Jun-17 19:56:01

I feel like they fob me off all the time and I feel such a pain having to go in and moan all the time but I just hate my son being hurt all the time.

I have started to look into their policies, I used to work in the exclusions office and so many kids not so many 5 year olds but definitely primary got excluded for hurting other children because 'the school has a duty to safeguard others'. However this kid that picks on my son just gets told to
Apologise and all is forgotten.

Feel like it might be a long battle but I'll do it
For my boy. He loves the school and I feel like why should he have to move rather than this other kid.

We shall see - thank you for your replies feels good to know I'm not over reacting x

GreenTulips Tue 27-Jun-17 22:10:32

Stop asking and start telling

I want each incident recorded per your anti bullying policy
I want a single referral point for DS to speak to
I want the dinner staff to be aware and refer the incidents to teacher/referral point
I want DS away from X during lessons/groupings

Email - refer to policies -

Ask for the chair of governors email address

Lymmmummy Tue 04-Jul-17 14:32:54

I don't want to sound trite - but if it were me I would actually consider changing school - this boy will follow your DS throughout the entirety of his primary school life and it appears the school are not interested in acknowledging any fault or addressing the issue

Depends on whether your son has anything that may sadly make him a target for general bullying in which case look at things to improve his confidence otherwise the problem will just continue in a different environment

But to be honest based on the facts as you have told them i would now start to put the wheels in moron for a change of school

PerspicaciaTick Tue 04-Jul-17 14:39:53

Trawl back through all the emails you have sent and use them to create a single document listing every incident by date.
e.g

10/01/17 - X pushed miniLONC off the climbing frame.
18/01/17 - X punched miniLONC in stomach.
24/02/17 - X took miniLONC's glasses.

Keep the log up to date. Take a copy with you when you talk to the class teacher. Email a copy to the HT. Follow the complaints procedure for escalating the issue to the governors.

However, I think you should also get in touch with your LA and ask them about school places in alternative schools. It could be ideal if your DS could start afresh in a new school in September.

MrsOverTheRoad Sun 09-Jul-17 13:21:28

This is where I think SO many schools fail. Playtimes are monitored by a scant few lunchtime supervisors who can't see in every corner...they're not able to watch all the kids.

The teachers who know about situations like this probably don't even TELL the lunchtime supervisors whose picking on who.

It needs changing.

LONC2012 Sun 09-Jul-17 14:17:45

I asked to see the head but she didn't want to speak to me so told the teacher to deal with it. She said basically children at 4/5 do this and theres nothing more they can do

PerspicaciaTick Sun 09-Jul-17 22:21:03

Did she put that in writing?
If she didn't send her an email saying
"Dear HT,
Following our conversation on xx/xx/2017, I would like to confirm my understanding of your position with regards to the long term bullying of my son while in your care (please see the attached log of all the times I have contacted the school to report bullying incidents). You told me that you are not willing to speak with me to address my concerns and that the class teacher Ms Y is my only point of contact with the school. You told me that all Reception-aged children exhibit bullying behaviours and that you and the teachers have no way of effectively tackling bullying within the school setting.
I am very concerned that you do not have any mechanisms for safeguarding my son, who has been repeatedly physically attacked with the school setting. I will therefore be escalating my concerns to the board of governors in accordance with the school's complaints procedure.
Yours sincerely
LONC2012"

LONC2012 Thu 13-Jul-17 16:29:52

So I have told the kids mum about what's been going on as I was upset at school when the teacher fobbed me off.
This child's mum has now gone to school and said why hasn't she been told about this behaviour and they said it's only small things that are happening and it's normal for that age. I fail to see how children punching my child in the eye and smacking his head off a climbing frame are normal 4/5 year old behaviours.

mumhelp2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 22:56:23

Check these links. I've used the second one for my child and it has been helping some.

www.simonbenn.co.uk/stop-bullying

www.simonbenn.co.uk/resource-for-parents

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