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Bullying at school

(9 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Bunnyfuller Thu 08-Jun-17 17:39:26

Please bear with me while I give the back story -

DD12 was friends with 1 of a pair of twins until about March (had been for a couple of years). The other twin had started being quite unkind to my DD since the start of this term - trying to exclude her, taking the Micky, shouting at her, but DD had tried to ignore it. As time went on this term the other twin insisted that her sister play with her and a load of boys. The boys then basically talked sex and rude jokes while the twins giggled at them. My DD really didn't like any of this and said to her friend she was going to do other things at break times as she found this new stuff boring and vile. The friend got angry, saying my DD was forcing her to choose. DD said no, we're still friends, I'm just not hanging around with those boys - one of the boys had been quite nasty to my DD2 too.

This all came to a head and me and the Twins' mum had a very reasoned conversation and agreed the girls should sort it on their own.

The next morning the twins charged up to my 2 DDs and the other twin screamed in my DD's face. Things just went from bad to worse. They denied everything, even when witnesses were there.

It went off the scale at Easter during the hols where these 2 twins got a load of year 8 girls to go and intimidate mine in a local park (one of the girls is a daughter of their mums friend). I rang the mum, the twins denied everything, even though one of my neighbour's had seen it and intervened.

It carries on at school - one thing actually was properly witnessed and the twin was told off. But everything else, she denies, always does stuff when she gets my DD on her own, with no witnesses, then tells the teacher her friend was with her and basically gets a false alibi. The teacher then basically doesn't seem to believe DD.

My DD has tried to make friends with 2 other girls, but the other twin had done everything she can to pull them away resulting now with my DD resigned to sitting in the library on her own.

I'm at an utter loss what to do - the school disbelieves what DD reports (they told her to report everything) but I kind of agree with her now - what's the fucking point if the twin lies every time and they say 'oh well'. Do bullies ever actually admit?! I'm very worried about DD, she's an anxious child as it is, and I feel completely helpless as to what to do. The school say it isn't bullying as there's been only one substantiated incident. They refuse to have anything to do with the incident during the Easter holidays.

Please, kind words of advice 😥🙁😒

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 12-Jun-17 18:48:30

Hi, we're moving this thread over to our Bullying topic and giving it a wee bump in the hopes that the OP will get some advice and support here. flowers

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 12-Jun-17 20:09:16

Anyone? smile

Covfefe Tue 13-Jun-17 20:19:55

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm just replying because I feel for you but I don't have any advice. Do you know what the school's bullying policy is, or is there one for all local council schools?

I'm just lurking on the bullying board because I have a tearful ds who's suffering due to some of his classmates. I'm going to talk to the school tomorrow.

Bunnyfuller Wed 14-Jun-17 18:34:29

Hi Cov,

Thank you for replying. I've spoken to the NSPCC who were lovely, and they basically said I just have to keep pushing. I've booked to see the Deputy Head for next week, and DH is coming too. The NSPCC said all too many schools have a Bullying Policy which truly doesn't assist getting to the nub of things. I'm utterly worn out with it tbh. I hate feeling so helpless and it breaks my heart at her having no friends.

Good luck with your DS flowers

SafeToCross Wed 14-Jun-17 19:28:40

Yes, I would keep asking the school persistant questions, keep reporting incidents to them, in diary form. Ask about your rights to escalate a complaint. Also, I know in my school one teacher is particularly good at helping with these kinds of issues, much better at acting than other staff - so is there anyone else in school you could contact about it? So sorry for what your dd is having to cope with.

GreenTulips Sat 17-Jun-17 23:38:26

Ask for your DD to have a key worker - one central person who deals with any issues - someone she can approach and talk to/report issues too

Ask that all the teachers are informed and to look out for any signs of bullying

Look up the complaints procedure and quote it

All incidents should be in writing to the key worker - paper trail

Make yourself a pain in the arse

Quote safeguarding

Stick to DD feels DD says - so it's not about how young feel as a parent

Bunnyfuller Mon 19-Jun-17 15:18:05

Thank you all, some useful advice xx we have a meeting with the deputy head tomorrow xx

mumhelp2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:00:49

Hi,

If you're still facing the same issue, try the details on this link. Both gives great advice, and I've been using the second one and its been helping.

www.simonbenn.co.uk/stop-bullying

www.simonbenn.co.uk/resource-for-parents

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