How can i help ds get over this experience.(9 Posts)
Hi, long time lurker, first time poster so please be gentle!
Ds is 12. Small for his age. Has previously struggled with friends and was bullied at Primary school but has left all that behind and made a brilliant group of friends at secondary school.
Today he was out at the local park with a couple of mates. Some older boys approached and challenged him to a scooter competion. Ds felt uneasy and said "no thanks". Boys then asked if they could have a go on his scooter, ds said "no not now". Boys then took his scooter and started banging it on the ground.
Ds asked for his scooter back, got a load of verbal and threats to beat him up, but he stood his ground and kept demanding it back. They eventually threw it in the stream.
Ds retrieved scooter and came home. He is so upset. I've tried to tell him he handled himself well but he is saying he's never playing out again. I feel awful for him. After all he went through at school previously and it was going so well and now this.
Any suggestions that i could use to help him please?
(Sorry it's long)
Reassure him that he did the right thing, tell him you're proud of his response and it took real guts to stand up to bullies like that; there was nothing else he could have possibly done and you'll always meet idiots and he should be glad he will go on to be reasonable and brace whereas they are just cowards and bullies and have a long way to go before they catch up, if at all. Oh and suggest a park outing with yourself at a discreet distance or with friends, don't let him develop a fear of going out.
He couldn't have handled it any better.
Can you help him meet up with any of his new friends over the holidays? Suggest placea they could meet up. Trampolining place, climbing wall etc.
This is definitely a time for a Statement (from you). If he won't/can't hear you because he's feeling so low, ask him if you could have 5 minutes of his time where he just listens as you've got something important you want to say. This is a time for a firm, rousing speech from you which he needs to hear, whether he knows it or not. Take charge of the situation, be his firm and vocal cheerleader and supporter. He has got this and what he's proved is that he has so many great characteristics. Bravery, reason, diplomacy, keeping cool under pressure. That's what great people are made of and he's only 12 and already has those skills. You should be so proud!
Thank you both for your replies. I am very proud of him. After reading your replies and giving him chance to calm down we've had another chat. I told him, and he agreed, there was nothing more he could have done, he was brave for demanding his property back and that he will always come across people like this, even as an adult. I suggested me doing a discreet walk next time he goes to that park but I got the raised eyebrow and a "yeah mum, like you'll be really discreet if they did start on me!" He knows me so well!😬 . He has agreed he will still go out with his friends, which is great. I suggested martial arts to give him confidence in his ability to defend himself, as his biggest fear in all of this is "what if they beat me up?" (I did this when I was younger and it made a big difference) .I've suggested it before but he didn't want to then, he now says he'll see how it goes but he'll take me up on it if he has any more hassle. Who knows I may join him and have some mum and son time! Thanks again for taking the time to reply.☺
That is great, and I love the raised eyebrow and reply you got for your park accompanying suggestion - shows he's feeling brighter if he can make a joke about it! He sounds like a cool kid.
Great idea about martial arts/self defence. Valuable skills to have at any age or stage. I reckon you could look into courses and say you're going to one, persuade him to join you. I know a guy who is 5'5" and slightly built and is a black belt. He rarely has to use his skills for real but he says he has confidence just knowing how to deal with a physically threatening situation should it arise. Often it's about creating time for you to get out and away rather than flooring a group like in the movies.
Exactly! Very rarely about actually using it. Often just the confidence it gives you is enough to make the bullies think twice. I'm going to start looking into it so I have the info to hand. I might even start first like you suggest, it may encouarge him to join in. In any event I'd be fitter so win-win!
What were his mates doing while he was being harassed? Didn't they stick up for him?
I asked the same thing! Apparently they were playing football and not aware of what was happening. They are lads he knows from school but not his closest friends and the bullies were 2 or 3 years older. My guess is they didn't want to get involved. If his best mates were with him they'd have had his back regardless.
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