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Kid keeps attacking my 3 year old

(131 Posts)
Mamalexi343 Mon 13-Mar-17 16:15:36

So I'm fuming right now! angry

My 3 year old dd keeps getting hit and pushed and kicked by the same kid at her nursery.

Now this kid has special needs and whilst I do understand (my niece is autistic) I don't understand why nothing is being done about it. I'm not angry at him (well I am a bit, he hurt my baby) nor am I angry at his parents (slightly annoyed) I'm furious with his care givers, that they know he lashes out yet nothing is being done.

He went to her old nursery and bit her twice on the same finger, breaking the skin both times and I didn't realise he had moved over to her new nursery until I saw him a couple of weeks ago and it all clicked together all the time she was coming home saying xxxxx had hurt her again.

As soon as I realised he was there I immediately took her teachers to the side and quietly explained their history and he seems to have taken a disliking to her, they assured me they would be vigilant in watching and on hand if any situation looks like it's forming.

I pick her up today to be called into the classroom and she is uncontrollably crying and they inform me she has hit her eye, it's only once we've got home and her eye has swollen up and turned into a black eye and I ask her what happened and she again tells me xxxxx has thumped her in the eye.

I am beyond angry and waiting for her next nursery day to get to the bottom of this, she wouldn't say someone did something if they didn't and I said a few of the other kids names and she assured me it was him.

Why is the nursery not doing anything about it? Why did they lie to me? Why aren't they getting this boy the help he so obviously needs? My dd isn't the first child he's gone for, I've had several conversations with other parents of children he's hurt.

I already struggle to get her in there every morning let alone with all this now going on.

I don't care if I'm over reacting I'm not having this!!!! How would you guys handle it?

GooseyLoosey Mon 13-Mar-17 16:49:23

They might not be lying to you, they might not be aware of what happened.

I would calm down, not easy I know when your child is hurt. Then I would go in and talk to them and ask what strategies they intend to put in pace to ensure that this does not happen again as this now appears to be a recurring event.

Fruitcocktail6 Mon 13-Mar-17 16:55:54

I work in a nursery and I have a genuine question, what would you like them to do about it?

This child has SEN, they can't kick him out, they can't constantly restrain or confine him, funding for additional needs support is a long and difficult process and sometimes the child's parent won't support you as they don't want their child 'labelled'.

It is also highly unlikely a 3 year old SEN child is 'targeting' your DD. I've worked with children this age for quite a few years and have never seen a child consistently target another, that sort of behaviour starts in primary school.

Mamalexi343 Mon 13-Mar-17 17:06:26

I want to know what measures are being put in place, I don't expect him to be kicked out he has just as much right to be there as my child does, this hild should be having 1-2-1 care as I said before I know all about portage and everything involved with a child who needs extra support my concern is is he getting that help? I'm concerned about the safety of my child but I'm concerned about the safety of that child too.

Regardless of whether you think he is not 'targeting' her what I supposed to say? Oh it's OK darling he's allowed to because he has special needs? I'm not stupid to think they should restrain him or kick him out and I'd say the fact he keeps going for her that he's taken a disliking to her

LouKout Mon 13-Mar-17 17:08:35

He maybe finds something about her stressful or overwhelming. As you should understand. But you should take it up with staff.

Yay this will be another thread about ASD not being an excuse. Bullying is not really the topic for it.

And especially not at 3.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 13-Mar-17 17:12:29

Have you had a meeting with the staff to try and find a way to stop this happening?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 13-Mar-17 17:15:14

Also I agree that at 3 it's highly unlikely to be bullying, add the wee boy having SN into that and it's even less likely. The staff need to work out what his triggers and flash points are and keep him calm. At 3 all kids are finding their way in the world.

Mamalexi343 Mon 13-Mar-17 17:17:14

Let me make this clear.

I DO understand.I understand about that world a hell of a lot more than a lot of people. I understand that these kids get so overwhelmed they have no control, everything is 10x more than what it is.
I have said that I am not angry at him. That I am angry at the nursery, don't start attacking me like I'm picking on him just because he has special needs. I myself am disabled and I'd hate to be treated differently because of it.

And when my child has has been bitten so hard it breaks the skin twice, come home with bruises and red marks and now a black eye you can be damn sure I am within my rights to be angry

LouKout Mon 13-Mar-17 17:19:27

You might not be but these threads always go the same way

Mamalexi343 Mon 13-Mar-17 17:19:44

So it makes it ok because he has SN?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 13-Mar-17 17:22:13

I never said you didn't have a right to be angry. DS1 was injured at school (severely enough to warrant a trip to A&E to glue a massive head wound) and I went batshit because the support staff (both kids have ASD) were not doing their jobs. They failed my son by not protecting him, and they failed the boy who caused it by not stepping in before he got so wound up that it happened.
You have every right to be furious, but the way the situation needs to be approached is different because this wee boy has SN. He is not targeting her, he is not bullying her. The staff need to work out what his triggers are and minimise them, combined with supervision. They have a duty of care to your DD and also to this wee boy. That was the point I was trying to make.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 13-Mar-17 17:25:42

Incidentally I also fully understand the feeling when your 3 year old DD is hurt at nursery by another child, my DD currently has a neck covered in nail gouges from another child at nursery and it broke my heart. I spoke to the staff and also asked if they could ensure the child has her nails at least trimmed (neglect issues, SW involved). My DD was hysterical at the thought of going to nursery today, so I do understand.

LouKout Mon 13-Mar-17 17:27:41

My child was hit by a child at school with SN. I wouldn't have thought to put it in "bullying" topic.

Hope you get it resolved smile

Badders123 Mon 13-Mar-17 17:28:30

Well if you are serious about not wanting to demonise a 3 year old child with additional needs....

I would write an e mail to the nursery manger asking for a copy of the sncop and what they are going to do to safeguard both these children because ATM they are both being failed in this setting.

Or perhaps you just want us all to pile in and call a 3 year old with additional needs names?

Badders123 Mon 13-Mar-17 17:29:12

They do don't they Lou?
Depressing really

boolifooli Mon 13-Mar-17 17:35:45

I would get clear on the facts first. It's common for a child who has hurt to be blamed for every incident by every child, it's even happened when the blamee was in a different room. The blamee had hurt the child the week before but this instance they were nowhere near!

xStefx Mon 13-Mar-17 17:41:19

Op I would be just as upset if my 5 year old came home from school and said someone had thumped them in the eye , especially if the child seemed to have done it a lot. Of course your dd is supposed to be safe at nursery . These threads always turn nasty . I would speak to the nursery , tell them in no uncertain terms to keep a closer eye out for these two interacting. It's not nice when your child gets hurt regardless of age or whether it was
An accident it not , you have every right to be upset.

Mamalexi343 Mon 13-Mar-17 17:41:49

Are you kidding me? You think I'm calling him names? Demonising him? I just had no idea what topic to put this in

Get off your high horse

Like I said COUNTLESS times if you would read it properly! I am NOT ANGRY WITH HIM!! More that I want to know what is being done about

You know I came on here for helpful advice and support but yeah thanks guys

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 13-Mar-17 17:45:46

Mamalexi343 actually I thought I'd been quite helpful, or tried to at least. But since you haven't replied I have to wonder if you only started the thread to get rid of some of the anger you're feeling by starting a fight.

insancerre Mon 13-Mar-17 17:52:59

Why on earth have you put this on the bullying section?
shock
3 year olds do not bully
Especially ones with additional needs
1-2-1 is very expensive and isn't going to happen any time soon with the cuts local authorities have had to make
I suggest you speak calmly to the manager and discuss your concerns

F1ipFlopFrus Mon 13-Mar-17 17:53:59

3 year olds are more than capable of bullying.
I say this as a parent of a child with SN that was singled out and bullied at nursery by children without SNs.

mamalexi is within her rights to be angry with the nursery. Neither child is having their needs met.
At one point my child was the one lashing out; she did so because at the times of her lashing out, her needs were not being met, because her (fully funded for her) 1-2-1 was being "used" elsewhere.
So from the point of view of both parents I can see why you are angry.

maxi you might also want to check that your dd isn't being deliberately grouped together with this boy? I don't mean that in a keep them away from each other way, but more are they placed under the care of the same adult during activities? Like they share what should be a 1-2-1 in a 1-2-2 ratio?

AriaVitiello Mon 13-Mar-17 17:55:45

Mama, I think some posters may have been a wee bit harsh. And I say that as the mother of a child with ASD, who is not in mainstream school.

If I'm reading this correctly, your child was injured more than once by this child, in a previous setting. You made your current setting aware of this history, and now this current incident has occurred ? I would maybe make an appointment to discuss this with senior staff, in order to ascertain what is going to be put in place to avoid repetition.

Also, I have no reference to back this up, but I'm sure at a school open day talk, we were told that it wasn't unheard of for a child with ASD ( not sure if that is the SEN here) to take against another child so strongly that they are put in different classes. But this was a while ago. And specifically related to ASD.

insancerre Mon 13-Mar-17 17:57:13

It's not bullying
It's 3 year olds being 3 year olds

Mamalexi343 Mon 13-Mar-17 18:05:07

Actually I'm cooking my family their dinner and don't accuse people of things it's nasty

AriaVitiello Mon 13-Mar-17 18:06:41

Mama - for you flowers

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