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Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

(508 Posts)
user1468352691 Tue 07-Mar-17 00:54:39

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do sad

user1468352691 Tue 07-Mar-17 00:57:16

Also, I meant to say I let her miss school today. Not "Monday and today"

PetalMettle Tue 07-Mar-17 00:59:04

Oh gosh how utterly awful. Do the school know?

MakeItStopNeville Tue 07-Mar-17 01:00:50

I would call the police. That's awful! Your poor daughter!! sad

noblegiraffe Tue 07-Mar-17 01:01:42

The school need to know, and you really should phone the police.

You can't let her go back to school pretending it didn't happen. Phone the school first thing.

highinthesky Tue 07-Mar-17 01:02:15

I feel for you and DD, OP. What a horrible experience.

This is bullying+, and you must involve the school (start with the Head and not her tutor) so they can investigate and take appropriate disciplinary action - assuming the perpetrators attend that school. But first your DD must be 100% honest with you and tell you about events leading up to the event.

user1468352691 Tue 07-Mar-17 01:03:04

PetalMettle, when I rung the school earlier to tell them my daughter would be absent for the day, it went to answerphone so I left a message explaining the situation, and I've yet to hear back sad

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Tue 07-Mar-17 01:04:20

Jesus, that's horrific.

Your poor DD.

I think this is a definite matter for the police and school.

user1468352691 Tue 07-Mar-17 01:05:15

I'm planning to go into pastoral care in the morning with my daughter and speak to someone about it. The thing is there were so many children involved it's impossible to name all of them to pastoral.

jollyjester Tue 07-Mar-17 01:05:32

Phone the school and the police.

She has been assaulted and although she may not want police involvement this should be non negotiable.

I'm so sorry she went through this.

Going forward, is home schooling an option for the short term?

VimFuego101 Tue 07-Mar-17 01:09:17

I agree with the others - call the school, call the police. Maybe call the NSPCC for advice too to see if they can suggest any sources of help and support for you and your daughter.

WomanScorned Tue 07-Mar-17 01:10:17

Oh, that sounds heartbreaking.
I second PP who says to involve the school. You don't really have a choice, as she cannot deal with walking back in there, herself. She needs support. She needs protection. She needs to know that this is unacceptable to 'the school'.

Your poor DD, and poor you, op. It physically hurts, right in the guts, when they are hurting, doesn't it? sad

highinthesky Tue 07-Mar-17 01:15:24

Yet to hear back? Implying that the school has no inkling as to why DD did not attend?

Any school will take something like this very seriously. It would surprise me if teachers haven't picked up on this already, it's bound to be the talk of the playground.

user1468352691 Tue 07-Mar-17 01:19:05

highinthesky, I was shocked that school didn't phone me back. All I can think of is they didn't bother listening to the full message but I doubt they'd do that. Whenever I've left them a message in the past they always ring back within an hour...

TeaCake5 Tue 07-Mar-17 01:24:11

you need to involve the police - she has been assaulted and robbed.

Lochan Tue 07-Mar-17 01:25:14

I don't have teens but that is horrific.

Your daughter was subject to premeditated assault and mugging by a mob

I would be going to the police. And I'd be at the Head's door with my DD and a list of as many perpetrators as she can swear to.

IAmNotTheWickedWitch Tue 07-Mar-17 01:26:30

Seriously?! OP get your arse on the phone to the police and the school properly. My DD wouldn't be going anywhere near the school until it was sorted stuff the LEA.

JonesyAndTheSalad Tue 07-Mar-17 01:30:52

Have you called the police OP? You really, really need to. This is NOT ok. Those videos will be on social media by now and your DD needs to have them removed for her privacy. The kids involved need to be seen to by the law. sad

soeasybreezy Tue 07-Mar-17 01:31:56

I'm sorry your daughter had to go through this horrific ordeal and also for you to see her pain flowers.

You will have to get the Police involved, these bullies need to be accountable, those that were not physically involved in the assault should also be penalised for encouraging and spurring this disgusting act.

As for the school, I'm shocked they've not replied to you and I'm thinking they may be trying to crisis manage because this is a huge deal. They probably try to get their cards in a row in anticipation of what's coming, do you think you'd face resistance with the school? As in they would downplay the situation?

highinthesky Tue 07-Mar-17 01:34:36

OP, it's time to go to bed.

You have an early start tomorrow morning because you are going into the school and having a face to face d/w with the Head, no compromises. Leave DD at home for now, she can go back to school when they are in a position to offer her a safe space (which should be by the afternoon).

Thadius Tue 07-Mar-17 01:36:08

I understand your dd fear of the police being involved and her believing this will make the situation worse but you absolutely must ring them. If this situation had happened to an adult I bet you would have no doubt but to ring the police straight away.

I would also be going to the school and making it absolutely clear I would not be sending my dd back until this is absolutely dealt with and they can insure her safety.
I am sorry your dd is going through this, it's truly terribleflowers
I wish I could be more helpful.

user1468352691 Tue 07-Mar-17 01:37:11

I do agree with you all about the police, I phoned my DH who is working away in Latvia at the moment and he said get the police onboard asap. I tried to phone as soon as I heard but DD physically took the phone out of my hands. I avoided it because I didn't want to put her through any more but it has to be done. I'm not going to call the non emergency number at this time. I'll do it first thing.

Lochan Tue 07-Mar-17 01:39:41

I think this may be one of those times you need to be the grown up and overrule her.

Thadius Tue 07-Mar-17 01:40:16

You can absolutely phone 101 now it is what they are there for, plus of your dd is asleep she won't be stressing about you doing it

Italiangreyhound Tue 07-Mar-17 01:46:36

Please OP speak to the police and school. She must not be sent back until you are sure the school can keep her safe. If they cannot you will need to look at alternative options.

You can speak to NSPCC for additional advice.

If she is very stressed and hysterical you can also speak to your GP and get her signed off sick from school. You can also see if you can access any counselling for her as a victim of crime and assault via GP or the Police.

Although your dd does not want to involve the Police I believe you must do so, you must show her she is worth care and attention, NO ONE should have this happen to them. If this happened to you or any other family member, the police would be involved, this was a premeditated attack.

Your dd has done nothing to warrant an attack of this nature and so she must realize this is out of her control, not her fault. I would speak to the police before the school, personally, see if they can locate evidence on line of this and also do not allow the school to talk you out of reporting this. Nothing the school can do can affect what has already happened (which is a crime) but they can now try and make things better for the future, but not if they do not engage with you.

I can only hope it was a case of them not hearing the phone message. They will maybe hear it tomorrow.

Good luck OP thanks I am so sorry for your dd, please seek all the professional help you can for her now.

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