If your school is private, do bullies get expelled

[Midnightprobs]

As the title says really. I'm assuming that the state sector is more constrained and that expulsions are very difficult to make, whereas at private, the head can just tell you to go?
At the school my dc are at, there are a small number of bullies who have been caught red handed, several times. The school seem to give them a talking to, inform their parents and that's it. There are one or two children in every year group who make loads of kids miserable on a daily basis and I am wondering why the school don't expel for this. My friend's ds was so badly bullied (age 12) and the school knew but instead of the bully leaving, the victim left voluntarily (to get away). The bully is still merrily terrorising other kids, including mine. I'm wondering if other schools tackle bullying effectively by expulsion? Or anything else effective? These bullies have been at it for four years straight. As far as I can see, they are set to grow up and bully their spouses and colleagues. Shouldn't there be a rehabilitation programme or something?

[Freddorika]

Ime no bullies didn't get expelled. Dd left instead. Noone took it seriously.

[MortifiedinAsda]

This happened a long time ago to my dd2 ( 16 years ago ) nothing was done then either. Looks like nothing changes.

[Midnightprobs]

Thanks both. Sorry that your dds suffered.
At least I know where I stand with this and will make decisions based on the main bully being pretty much untouchable.

[Flowerfae]

No they don't get expelled, they could get expelled but its very hard to get expelled. They do get punished though, loss of privileges.

They have a merit/demerit system, they can exhange their merits for things like day-trips at the weekend etc. If someone gets a de-merit, they don't lose a merit because they earned that merit so it wouldn't be taken away from them, but they get a de-merit I'm not sure exactly what happens if the de-merits build up. I know it stays on their record and parents are informed though.

They have tablets for school for their work and I know of one boy who has had his removed due to cyber bullying amongst other things. The teachers are able to log into students accounts, emails etc so they can see whats happening.

[Flowerfae]

Forgot to add my daughter was bullied by the boy that had his tablet removed and another boy, she wasn't the only one and it was dealt with pretty quickly. She's been happy since.

[Freddorika]

its worth mentioning that I moved dd to another private school where they seem to deal with bullying much better, not that its been an issue.

The one where they didn't deal with it at all, and the bully was 'untouchable', was a tiny school struggling with a falling roll. The bully had younger siblings. I think they needed the money. They lost our business instead!

[Mumtogremlins]

I'm interested in knowing this too. There is one boy that is bullying a few other kids but so far, it's just been talking and no action. I think the school don't want to lose money as the boy has siblings too.

[DoorwayToNorway]

I've never known any children get expelled. When DD joined the school one girl was being bullied by the other 5 girls in the class. The girl's parents were ready to pull her out but the problem was that her sister in a few years above was happy at the school. DD started playing with the girl, another new girl started a few months later and she too prefered the company of the bullied girl. 3 of the other 5 girls started to prefer her company as well, as rather than walking around looking miserable and started smiling more. The original ring leader and her side kick left the school, stating that they had no friends and hated the original girl they bullied, who was apparently "leaving them out" now.

[DoorwayToNorway]

Oh and the bully hated her side kick too so they didn't play together, they left separately to get away from each other as well as the other girl. They ended up both going to the same school. The irony

[HappyKiddo]

In my experience, no. We've had to leave the school in order to get away from a nasty bully who was never tackled by the school.

[SparkleSoiree]

IME no. DDs bully was treated as a victim. DD has been in counselling for a year and is doing much better now.

[silkpyjamasallday]

No private schools won't expel them for bullying, especially if they have siblings at the school, as it means they lose money, they would much rather feed parents of the bullied child platitudes and hope they remain at the school. My school did 'ask you to leave' if you got pregnant and kept the baby though, all about image.

[HappyKiddo]

Our school is more I worried about being brought into disrepute by parents speaking out about their bullying problem than the bullying problem itself. They ignored our complaints until I finally snapped and posted on social media. Then they told me they couldn't act because I'd made things worse for my child by posting on social media!

[ASauvingnonADay]

We have excluded for bullying, if they've had interventions and warnings and still continue. Not often though.
IME sanctions aren't actually that effective. They just make the bully more resentful. Schools (who are any good at dealing with bullying) generally use more restorative practices and whole school prevention strategies. It is very difficult to permanently exclude a child at all, and IME pretty unheard of for bullying.

[LockedOutOfMN]

We are an independent secondary school. We expelled a boy for cyber bullying a couple of years ago. We have also made expulsions for other reasons this year and last year (I've worked at this school for five years). We also have students leave for poor grades in public exams. although that's slightly different. We have one bully who has seemed to be expulsion-proof, unfortunately; he is in Year 13 so will leave in a few weeks, thank goodness.

[YoullNeverWeeAlone]

Success in managing bullies also depends on the attitude of the bullies parent (s). If they work with the school it's good. But if they are of the "oh no, not my darling, they would never do that" persuasion it is very hard to effectively sanction or manage behaviour.

[HardcoreLadyType]

DS was bullied by a boy who had a scholarship. It was all brushed under the carpet a bit (I think he had a telling off and some detentions) until we discovered proof on social media.

I'm not sure what happened to him, in the end, but I know he approached DS in tears, begging him to pretend it wasn't what it seemed. He was very afraid he would lose his scholarship. He said if he lost the scholarship, he wouldn't be able to stay at the school, but that's obviously not the same as being expelled. (DS told the truth about what had happened, and I don't know what punishment was meted out in the end - it's not my business, really.)

[MadameSin]

My ds has been bullied last 3 years in a private school. They have talked the talk and done nothing to end it. It's become less often these days but still continues in and out of school, mainly cyber and sneaky verbal hits. Sadly, the fees are a pull for the school and they will never admit they have a bullying problem - it's a disgrace really and shame on those teachers that have allowed it to continue.

[Cloudangel123]

A CrowdJustice appeal is always a way for a child to get legal assistance against any school who states "bullying will not be tolerated" but does not act. I haven't known bullies to be expelled. Heartbreakingly my child has been so affected mentally that is not capable of sitting A-levels. My darling talked with a lawyer and is now raising an action. The appeal for funding is in the Education section of CrowdJustice website - Justice for Glenalmond College Bullying Victim. The sorry saga is summarised there and if you are able please support by pledging. But even if you don't pledge financial support please share widely as this is appreciated too. Thank you and we hope that this will raise awareness of the life changing effects bullying can have on children.

[Cloudangel123]

I would advise you very strongly to pull your d out of school if she's been constantly bullied. It's not worth the risk - there are other schools. If we could turn back the clock we would but were placated time again by the school into believing that problem was solved. For your d's sake don't be as naive as we were. Read what happened to my child after 3 years of bullying on CrowdJustice page Justice for Glenalmond College Bullying Victim. Of course if you can pledge support that would be really appreciated but whatever you do please share the CrowdJustice page widely and hopefully schools will sit up and take notice of how devastating bullying can be for our young people and their life choices. Good luck with yours. X

[Amuminhongkong]

No. And don't assume just because it's private that they are taking your concerns seriously. My son is at a private British international school overseas (I'm in this forum because we are moving back to UK). I just found out that all my complaints from last year were never even logged. You have to make sure absolutely everything is in writing, and keep a diary. If necessary go to the HEAD and make sure everything is recorded in minutes. My son is now permanently separated from his bully, but it's too late and the damage is done. We are pulling him out of the school. I really think this is the only solution. Once it turns sour, get them out! My sons school didn't want to deal with it and started to put all the blame on him. Fortunately I was able to prove that assertions made against my son were untrue (that he bit another kid and so was just as bad as the bully - the mother confirmed to me it was untrue). They also said he wasn't being honest because his story didn't quite add up (he's ten and frightened of the teacher who spoke to him) and they believed all the bully's excuses, despite the fact that he kicked my son in the stomach and admitted it. They said it was conflict and not bullying. We ended up going through the Privacy Ordinance (Freedom of Information?) to understand what had gone wrong.

[Cloudangel123]

Couldn't agree more with amuminhongkong. Any problems get them out.
We were told at Glenalmond after child had been grilled by staff that our child was "homesick" but said child admitted to us later by email that couldn't say anything to staff. School knew about bullying and actually gave one of the bullies a major year end award at prizegiving. The school cared more about positive press and marketing opportunity which the bully represented for them.
Full story is on CrowdJustice website under Education.

[EwanWhosearmy]

My DS's bully wasn't expelled. He got his comeuppance when he went to visit the Senior school and my DD introduced herself as DS's sister....

I was so proud of her that day

[Cloudangel123]

Apologies if I offended anyone by posting link to CrowdJustice appeal in this thread. The link is now at www.mumsnet.com/Talk/volunteering_and_charitable_giving