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verbal bullying/increasing rejection

(5 Posts)
moonstone11 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:50:35

I wonder if anyone can help. My son in year 7, having always been a confident and social child is now experiencing widespread rejection at secondary school. It started small but increasingly has spread to other children who I can only assume are targeting him out of fear that they will themselves be rejected by the masses. I have no idea why this is happening, it is extremely distressing. Does anyone have any idea what a child should say that is confronted with phrases like "You have no friends", "No one likes you", "Go away, go as far away from me as possible", "You can't walk with us", "You can't sit next to me", "You are just really weird/dumb/ugly...". My son is none of these things, and yet these phrases are banded about by an increasing number of children. Children that he thought were his friends are rejecting him, children that he has never had anything to do with are treating him as if they are enemies. I just don't know what to advise him to say, I would do role play with him if I knew. He is not dumb or ugly or weird or annoying... he is just a happy normal and friendly boy, I feel utterly grief stricken and furious but also wholly inadequate that I don't know how to help him. Even his close friend has failed to contact him in the last 6 days, he is now off school and not a text has passed between them. I couldn't be more saddened or disappointed. I have had a meeting with the school but very little has changed. It is so damaging to my son. Can anyone advise?

Isadora2007 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:53:14

Oh how heartbreaking. It's just awful isn't it? I don't have any magical answers unfortunately but do keep talking to him and let him talk too.

Dickorydockwhatthe Sun 26-Feb-17 00:34:44

No advice at the moment but going through a very similar situation. I've just sat and cried because I really feel helpless. please feel free to message me as a mother it is heartbreaking to hear big hugs to you xxx

Astro55 Mon 27-Feb-17 01:19:27

What did his tutor say?

Can they offer him any confidence training? Build self esteem? It's hard because that's what bullying destroys!

Do you know any of his friends phone numbers to invite them swimming?

FATEdestiny Mon 27-Feb-17 02:16:49

Firstly, I would ask him to invite a few friends to do something. Especially the ones you know the parents of.

As PP mentioned, confidence building exercises help and speaking to his tutor.

Also understanding the culture. For example, my Y7 daughter (and Y6 son) have a saying that is used locally which involves a sing-song voice "you got no friends!". Its a bit like a catchphrase, a saying and isn't meant literally. Its used alongside the "your face.... woah" catchphrase - I don't know if that is a colloquial thing or if anyone will understand what I mean with that? Its similar to the David Bedel "your mum..." insults from the 1990s.

Regarding not being contacted - is he contacting them? Is your son using the social media his friends are? My Y7 DD uses WhatsApp and Snapchap to constantly stay in touch with school friends outside of school.

Year 7 is a tough year, socially. We've had lots of issues with my child. Also I am a secondary teacher and see these social issues happen year in, year out.

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