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"rehabilitation" suggestions for 13 yr old girl sending nasty texts

(10 Posts)
KittyBeans72 Fri 03-Feb-17 09:35:55

my DD has, for the second time, been caught taking part in a whatsapp group sending nasty texts. Both times the texts were in response to one of her friends being called something by another girl. we haven't seen the transcript yet and don't know how sustained it was, but she admits there was real nastiness and swearing involved. we've come up with a punishment, but really the point is that she needs not to do it again. she's a good kid overall, she knows it's wrong, she's been taught it's wrong at school and home, so i don't think having a "serious chat" is the answer. what can we do to prevent this happening again? I've suggested putting an app on her phone that sends us copies of every text she sends but DH thinks this is too heavy handed.

OydNeverDeclinesGin Fri 03-Feb-17 09:38:10

Remove her phone.
She earns it back by showing true remorse, reflection and learning.

donkir Fri 03-Feb-17 09:42:35

Remove all social media from her phone for a bit and then do as you suggest and get copies of the messages.

halcyondays Fri 03-Feb-17 09:44:20

I don't think that would be heavy handed, it sounds perfectly fair.

traviata Fri 03-Feb-17 09:45:46

I'd go for a triple approach;

Punishment - no phone for a week;
Earning back trust - regular random checks by you of all social media on her phone for a while, gradually getting less frequent;
Education/getting a new mindset - maybe work with some anti-bullying resources, to help your DD see why she acted as she did, and what it means to the victim? Google brought up a lot of options like this one

IamSwitzerland Fri 03-Feb-17 09:47:52

I think you are minimising and excusing her behaviour.

She is bullying by phone.


Remove the phone. Oversee online time. Make her prove she knows it is wrong!

KittyBeans72 Fri 03-Feb-17 09:55:22

we're removing the phone and grounding her for a week. I like the random check idea.

IamSwitzerland Fri 03-Feb-17 10:12:38

Has she apologised to the person she was abusing?

KittyBeans72 Fri 03-Feb-17 11:23:16

i don't think so. i suspect not as she's at another school. (sorry if I sound a bit vague, she's my step daughter, not my daughter so her father is the one on the front line - i didn't know the abbreviation for step daughter!)

Astro55 Sat 04-Feb-17 08:19:50

You need to teach her to react different - what she's doing is equally as bad as the girl who started it

You can back a friend without attacking another person

Something like - you're wrong about that - you aren't being kind - take that back

It doesn't have to get into a slanging match

You'll find others will join in - and she won't get into trouble

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