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Please someone help me, I'm at my wits end!

(4 Posts)
MrsM42 Mon 30-Jan-17 14:14:40

I am writing to ask for advice with regards to my 16 year old son.

He has always struggled through school, and was seen by the Educational Psychologist in early primary school due to his poor social skills, inability to follow instructions and rules and behavioural problems. It was decided when he was approximately 5 years old that he did not have Dyspraxia. Since then, we have had no other suggestions that he may have any other problems and were essentially left to get on with it.

He has always been a huge target for bullies, to the point where we changed his Primary School to get him away from the children who were bullying him.

He was accepted into secondary (school A) in September 2012, and almost immediately became a target for bullies again. He is very vulnerable and made himself the class clown as it made people laugh. He failed to understand that they were laughing at him, not with him. He very quickly became isolated and in fact, hadn’t made a single friend until he started in Year 11.

The bullying increased to such a point that I was having frequent meetings and weekly, if not daily telephone calls and emails to his head of House to try and stop it. At our last meeting in early December, it was decided that the bullying was too severe and too widespread for him to safely remain at School a. By this point, he was being pushed and hit daily in the corridors, and one child had actually run into his classroom and punched him in the face. It was decided that in the interests of his safety, that he would undergo a managed move to another school (school B)

He began there on 9th January, and immediately his complete lack of social skills or social awareness was very apparent. His behaviour has been so extreme that on 25th January, school B decided to terminate the managed move. We were told by a school A representative in this meeting that our only options from now were to return him to school A full time or to home school him. They feel that as the managed move has failed through his own actions, and because he is due to sit his GCSEs in June that these are the only options open to us. We have stated very clearly that, in our opinion, we cannot reasonably expect him to go back to a school where he was bullied almost constantly throughout the day and was physically assaulted on a daily basis. It is very obvious to us that if school A were unable to keep him safe before the managed move, then he is at just as much risk of harm by returning there now.

The Deputy Head of school B has contacted me the day after they terminated the move to voice her concerns and strongly urge me to take my to our GP and demand an assessment for Aspergers Syndrome and potentially ASD, as his behaviours and complete absence of social skills or awareness make him extremely vulnerable, and she has noticed behaviours that she believes should have been given the proper support before now. This is the first time anyone concerned with his education has suggested this.

I have made an appointment with our GP for this afternoon to ask for a referral to be assessed and to get as much support in place for him as he needs, but my immediate concern is about his GCSE exams. He is due to sit them in June this year and I am at a loss as to what to do. We feel very strongly that his safety is so compromised at school A that it is unreasonable to send him back full-time as I am certain that he would be severely verbally and physically bullied. The ideal scenario for us would be that he continues his studies from home, as he has access to all the learning documentation on the school A Students online system, where we continue to push him to revise and study in a safe environment, and then he can attend school A to sit his exams, as he can be escorted to and from the school and once in an exam environment, he is safe. Could you please advise whether we can request that he remains home-schooled for the remainder of the term but returns to school A to sit his GCSE exams only? If not, could you please suggest where we go from here. We have scheduled a meeting with school A on Thursday with regards to all of this, however, I am very concerned that currently, he will not be able to sit his exams and will not have any qualifications with which to build his future on.

We have also received a letter which states that ,y son is to return to school A under the highest level of sanction that they can impose and have said any deviation from the rules will result in further action and permanent exclusion. If school B are correct and he has an additional need that makes it very difficult for his to behave "normally", then isnt this just setting him up to fail?

I have also contacted Children’s Services and the local Authority SEND team with regards to this.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Mon 30-Jan-17 21:19:31

No idea OP but wanted to bump for the evening crowd.

I wouldn't worry too much about qualifications right now, he can always do them later on at college once he's gotten his life under more control.
Realistically, given his issues over the past years are you expecting him to achieve at GCSE?
I'd be tempted to remove the focus from this entirely.

And yes yes to GP. I can't believe the schools have been so unhelpful.

Astro55 Thu 02-Feb-17 23:16:56

I would also stop over worrying about exams - your son has been failed by both schools

Can you contact your MP? It's what they are there to do!

Also have you considered legal action? I'm sure there are charities that could help.

Sorry but it's just not good enough is it?

waitforrose Thu 09-Mar-17 01:03:48

What a terrible situation. What happened to the child who ran into his classroom and punched him in the face?
Seriously? I am so angry reading this. What kind of employer would fire someone for being punched and pushed Daily? I'm disgusted. I'd write to Ofsted as well as the Minister for Education.
GCSE s can honestly be done any time. He has a human right to feel and be safe. Both schools owed him that as a basic right.
I'm unclear as to what he did behaviour-wise at school B. Are you able to explain?
I really feel for your situation.
Remember, if it's misconduct in a place of work, it is in a school as well. Stuff their draconian policy!!

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