Help me decide what's best to do please(6 Posts)
DD is 13, just started at a middle school. The last couple of months she's been coming home unhappy. We live in a village and she's been friends with the girls who also live here for years, but various things have been happening at school e.g. DD turns and bumps into one of them by accident, other girl says 'Why don't you just go away'. Another girl started a rumour today that DD has been crying in class. When confronted with it, she just said 'well yeah, I don't know why I said that'. But everyone had already been mocking DD for crying. DD has had her ruler snapped today. Various combinations of these girls keep telling her to 'go away' whenever she approaches at playtime or waiting for the bus, so she moves on to another group and gets a similar response. On their own, these incidents don't seem serious, but put them together on a daily basis and it's wearing her down.
She is adamant we don't raise this with the school. DH says what can the school do anyway. He wants to speak to the main culprits parents as we know them all, but I'm not so sure. He says he wouldn't be accusatory, just explain that DD is having a hard time at the moment at school and we would appreciate it if the girls could all try and get along and cut her some slack.
I would rather speak to someone at school as I fear things will only get worse. I am normally keen on letting these things sort themselves out, but just now it seems to be a contagion that is spreading - other girls in the year now don't appear to want to associate with DD, such is the way with this sort of bullying.
Please first make specific notes of exactly who, how, and where the bullying is happening. You have to establish a pattern of intentional behaviour by specific people not just go in with general accusations. If you have soecifics then it will be harder to deny and easier to manage for the school.
Find the schools anti-bullying policy and see if they have a point of contact if it's not the head.
Maybe someone else can help. Sorry your DD is going through this.
Agree with first response. But in addition to this does your DD have any hobbies interests activities outside of school or any other friends outside of this school? If so I would encourage this or look at arranging things. Girls can be so cruel and follow like sheep. We had similar mid way through Year 6 and with the girls in her form at the beginning of year 7. I contacted the school but didn't name name names just said how unhappy DD was in her form, how she sat on her own most lunch times and how some of the girls behaved if she talked to anyone new. My DD didn't go into as much detail as your DD has I think she felt somehow to blame. I worked on DD's confidence and fortunately my DD made some nice new friends over the summer from the same school but not her class they aren't in her form at secondary but she spends as much time as possible with them. She also has a couple of interests outside of school and this friendship group. I really feel for you and your DD and hope it will pass.
Firstly, I wouldn't contact parents - with the best intentions it never ends well.
I would drop the old "friends" and encourage your DD to try and make some new friends. Are there any after school clubs she could jjoin?
Failing above, I would contact school.
Thanks for your replies. Good advice about encouraging her to branch out into different clubs and social activities. And keeping a note of what happens and when. Things have been better the last couple of days.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.